Kids activities and custody time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's best for both of you to figure out a way to meet your kid's schedule on your own. Do not depend on each other. When your kids are in your custody they are in YOUR custody. Same for your spouse.

Ask for carpools. Friends. Family. Whatever is needed.

I disagree. We are both actively involved re: kids' sports and activities and it has been good for the kids and very helpful for the parents to continue on as it was before.

[Anonymous]

I try to work it out myself, but when I can’t I will ask if he can cover something. If he’s free, he does it. If he can’t, then someone is late or has to skip. As the kids have gotten older it’s gotten a lot easier. Helps that my kids don’t do sports with unpredictable schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's best for both of you to figure out a way to meet your kid's schedule on your own. Do not depend on each other. When your kids are in your custody they are in YOUR custody. Same for your spouse.

Ask for carpools. Friends. Family. Whatever is needed.

Strongly disagree. Been divorced for 4 years. If there are competing activities, we each take a kid. These strict divisions are not helpful for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's best for both of you to figure out a way to meet your kid's schedule on your own. Do not depend on each other. When your kids are in your custody they are in YOUR custody. Same for your spouse.

Ask for carpools. Friends. Family. Whatever is needed.

I disagree. We are both actively involved re: kids' sports and activities and it has been good for the kids and very helpful for the parents to continue on as it was before.

+1 exactly

[Anonymous]

Depends on the divorce/coparenting circumstances. Everyone is bringing their own experience to this thread.

If amicable, then divide and conquer.

But if there is a reason you cannot amicably coparent, then you’re going to need to steer your kids to activities that don’t conflict with each others (and don’t conflict with their other parent’s days).

Because your ability to amicably coparent (or not) may change over the next ten years, I would write your parenting agreement so that each parent is responsible for his/her own activities during his/her own time. If you get to the point where you can be more flexible, great, do it. But have your written agreement be more strict, in case someone starts taking advantage of the flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Full disclosure: I’m not divorced.

But I am a lawyer who is the child of a divorce attorney AND I’ve observed myriad friends and family navigate divorce.

Pro tip: check your emotions at the door and do whatever it takes to successfully coparent so the *children* aren’t impacted as much by your divorce.

What does that mean?

Prioritize your kids’ activities and handle them the way you currently are.

Why? Because that’s far less disruptive for your kids than dumping them on a carpool parent to fly solo at their activity when they know mom has off this weekend and just as easily could have been with you…like she used to before the divorce.

I’m not a Gwyneth Paltrow fan, but she really did a terrific job modeling successful coparenting.

Your kids will benefit from seeing their parents continuing to behave like engaged parents rather than checking out when it’s not their weekend…as if it’s possible to absolve yourself of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's best for both of you to figure out a way to meet your kid's schedule on your own. Do not depend on each other. When your kids are in your custody they are in YOUR custody. Same for your spouse.

Ask for carpools. Friends. Family. Whatever is needed.

I totally disagree. It worked out very well for our situation to be able to cover/be with the kids when things overlapped, which was most weekends at one point with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Full disclosure: I’m not divorced.

But I am a lawyer who is the child of a divorce attorney AND I’ve observed myriad friends and family navigate divorce.

Pro tip: check your emotions at the door and do whatever it takes to successfully coparent so the *children* aren’t impacted as much by your divorce.

What does that mean?

Prioritize your kids’ activities and handle them the way you currently are.

Why? Because that’s far less disruptive for your kids than dumping them on a carpool parent to fly solo at their activity when they know mom has off this weekend and just as easily could have been with you…like she used to before the divorce.

I’m not a Gwyneth Paltrow fan, but she really did a terrific job modeling successful coparenting.

Your kids will benefit from seeing their parents continuing to behave like engaged parents rather than checking out when it’s not their weekend…as if it’s possible to absolve yourself of parenting.

Ding ding ding to the bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would split weekends. He gets one and you get the next. You need to make sure the activity times don’t conflict

Tell me your kids dint play sports without telling me your kids don't plays ports.

DP but wrong. I’ve figured out how to be in 2 places at once. Kids can be dropped early or picked up late, carpool, etc. Ex and I ask each other for help when we are really in a bind but there is no expectation; I’ll always do it if I can but won’t cancel a trip or big plans. Same goes for work travel, by the way. We both need coverage every now and then and we don’t keep score, but also if we can’t help it’s the person whose day it is problem.

That doesn't mean you solved the problem of conflicting activities. You simply found a solution to the conflict. But you don't dictate the game schedule or move things at your will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the people that responded with actual advice and didn't make demeaning comments. It's a sensitive time for our family and I'm just seeking advice on best way forward. Yes, my kids play recreational soccer and games are at various times on Saturdays on different fields. This is pretty standard in the DMV.
We coordinate activities right now but I was just wondering if that continues for most people after separation. We're both involved with our kids and would both like to be going forward. Was just looking for advice on best way going forward.

Is continuing to each take a kid possible?

Otherwise try to arrange carpools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the people that responded with actual advice and didn't make demeaning comments. It's a sensitive time for our family and I'm just seeking advice on best way forward. Yes, my kids play recreational soccer and games are at various times on Saturdays on different fields. This is pretty standard in the DMV.
We coordinate activities right now but I was just wondering if that continues for most people after separation. We're both involved with our kids and would both like to be going forward. Was just looking for advice on best way going forward.

Is continuing to each take a kid possible?

Otherwise try to arrange carpools.

OP. It may be possible, and I'm hoping it works out that way. This is new territory for us. I appreciate the input and different perspectives others have provided

[Anonymous]

we've just always tried to be flexible when necessary and coordinate schedules a similar far in advance as we can. If ex's custody night conflicts with an activity that's closer to me and incomvenient, we switch up custody nights. We will generally both show up at games, meets, etc. but otherwise we handle everything on our own nights/days. With multiple kids you may have to be more creative and flexible.