Can you ask someone if they’re intending to throw a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi Lisa, DH and I were making our Memorial Day weekend plans and floated the idea of throwing a party for the neighborhood. We realized you and Pete normally do this and wanted to check if you are this year - we certainly wouldn't want to step on your party toes! PS Your tulips look amazing!

+1

I had to do this with one of my kid’s friends last year. Their birthdays are the same weekend and I didn’t want to schedule at the same time (they’re in the same friend group but not that close so he might not have been invited.) it was a little awkward, but worked out fine (their kid picked an alternative option to a party.)

[Anonymous]

Maybe something like this, "I'm on the fence about having a Memorial Day party and wanted to invite you if you weren't going to be busy that day."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, don't badger someone else about a party that they may or may not be throwing (or inviting you to), and don't try to do "their thing" yourself. Choose something else.

This is stupid.

Why should OP not have any Memorial Day party , just because someone else threw a party and didn't invite her?

[Anonymous]

How close are you with the neighbors who typically host that weekend? From your comments, it seems like these types of get-togethers are a fairly regular occurrence, so I have to assume there's some degree of comfort and friendship, right?

If the friendship is in good standing, I see nothing wrong with with asking them directly. And then, depending on their answer, following up with your idea of hosting this year b/c it's "always such a great time with good friends..... etc."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi Lisa, DH and I were making our Memorial Day weekend plans and floated the idea of throwing a party for the neighborhood. We realized you and Pete normally do this and wanted to check if you are this year - we certainly wouldn't want to step on your party toes! PS Your tulips look amazing!

+1

+1 it's fine! You're not asking them to throw the party, you're being polite.

[Anonymous]

Be careful- we were always invited to an annual party and were wondering one year why we never got an invite (and were so bummed because the party was a huge, family friendly neighborhood/school, really fun event). I debated for weeks about asking my friend whether they were planning on having the party but fortunately felt too awkward to ask (in case they were downsizing the party list and we didn't make the cut, etc.). We found out later they weren't having the party that year because they were divorcing.

[Anonymous]

I would throw a party at a difference time of year Op.

[Anonymous]

I would I just say hi when you see them. Say you “had fun last year and ask if they are thinking of doing that again”. I would not say planning on your own party. If they say no, then say - “ oh maybe we will have one. Will you be here?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful- we were always invited to an annual party and were wondering one year why we never got an invite (and were so bummed because the party was a huge, family friendly neighborhood/school, really fun event). I debated for weeks about asking my friend whether they were planning on having the party but fortunately felt too awkward to ask (in case they were downsizing the party list and we didn't make the cut, etc.). We found out later they weren't having the party that year because they were divorcing.

That's OK. You can express sympathy, offer support, and take on hosting responsibility for the upcoming holiday.

[Anonymous]

People have asked us this and I appreciate it. I’m never sure how to announce that we’re not having an annual party this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi Lisa, DH and I were making our Memorial Day weekend plans and floated the idea of throwing a party for the neighborhood. We realized you and Pete normally do this and wanted to check if you are this year - we certainly wouldn't want to step on your party toes! PS Your tulips look amazing!

This made me laugh because they actually have the most amazing hydrangeas every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, don't badger someone else about a party that they may or may not be throwing (or inviting you to), and don't try to do "their thing" yourself. Choose something else.

It's a holiday, it's not like I'm trying to throw a party on someone's birthday. If they want it to be their thing, that's fine, I'd attend than host the party, but it's a nice holiday to have a BBQ and swimming but someone needs to host it to have a place for everyone to congregate. I don't know anyone who isn't off for Memorial Day, so it being a three-day weekend makes it somewhat (not entirely) unique. So choosing the next weekend doesn't make sense... Plus I know most of the people in our friend group have something the next weekend because there's an annual trip then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close are you with the neighbors who typically host that weekend? From your comments, it seems like these types of get-togethers are a fairly regular occurrence, so I have to assume there's some degree of comfort and friendship, right?

If the friendship is in good standing, I see nothing wrong with with asking them directly. And then, depending on their answer, following up with your idea of hosting this year b/c it's "always such a great time with good friends..... etc."

We have been friends for 5 years, although we aren't super close. Our kids ages don't line up and they don't have a ton in common so they ride the bus together but don't otherwise hang out. My husband and I both like the wife and husband and we do hang out, but they aren't our closest friends in the neighborhood, nor do we stuff with them one-on-one like we do with many other families/couples.

We get together for neighborhood stuff a lot, usually related to holidays (Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Christmas - although that party is always earlier in the month, Easter, etc.). We also have dinner parties, game nights, retirement/birthday/anniversary parties. Some involve whole families, some are just for adults. Not everyone attends every event, of course, and some people tend to host more than others.

Our friendship is in good standing so I will just ask if they're planning to throw a party (although I will reach out to more neighbors first to see if they've heard anything). That was my initial thought, but I wanted to see if DCUM thought that would be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful- we were always invited to an annual party and were wondering one year why we never got an invite (and were so bummed because the party was a huge, family friendly neighborhood/school, really fun event). I debated for weeks about asking my friend whether they were planning on having the party but fortunately felt too awkward to ask (in case they were downsizing the party list and we didn't make the cut, etc.). We found out later they weren't having the party that year because they were divorcing.

Oh gosh, I really hope that wouldn't be what is happening here! I suppose it's always possible, we have had two divorces in the group in the last 5 years (but that's out of 20 couples so not a ton).

[Anonymous]

Definitely ask them. There are people on dcum who find normal human interactions to be rude. It doesn’t mean they are rude, it just means those people are more comfortable with interacting over a keyboard. Those people do not throw large neighborhood parties. People who throw large neighborhood parties don’t mind being asked if they are hosting this year.