Am I being ostracized out of this friend group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like it was just an oversight by the family member who sent invitations, but why didn't Nikki mention it to OP ahead of time? Like usually if there is a mutual friends' party you might talk about the gift you're giving.

This!!! Or, to drive together! If this was me I would totally be asking my friend, the one who introduced me to the mom-to-be, if she wanted to go together, etc. So weird she didn’t even ask if she was going.

[Anonymous]

I find stuff like this so difficult to navigate. There may be a totally innocuous explanation or maybe OP's paranoia is justified, but it's very hard to know and I'm not sure exactly how you find out.

I also want to say that the fact that Nikki called OP and straight up said "I'm sorry this sucks, it was an accident by the host" is a sign that this is in fact what happened. But I once had a friendship that sort of went this way (longtime friend who became close to a friend of mine from work and then did a bit of a slow fade on me -- now they are very close and I never see them). And one of the frustrating things is that my longtime friend felt guilty about what was happening so she'd sometimes reach out to me essentially to reassure me "Hey we are not cutting you out!" but then the dynamic would shift that way again and they'd see each other a lot 1:1 and only hang out with me sometimes. In the end I wish she had not done this because it only made me feel jerked around and kind of gaslit. It would have been better to slow fade on me and just let me deal with my own sadness over that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is not a pattern of being left out. Just poor planning on the relative’s part. I would believe what your friend told you.

[Anonymous]

I would need more details to determine if it really was an accidental exclusion. It was a surprise party so Ana is off the hook, and even if Nikki saw the guest list in advance, she might not have felt comfortable contacting Ana’s family and telling them to invite someone else. It’s sort of weird Nikki didn’t mention anything to you about it - like the PPs said asking if you want to go together/what are you wearing/let’s go in on a gift etc. Or if she saw you weren’t on the list, telling you about it and seeing if you wanted to reach out to Ana’s family since you know them better etc.

You can’t really find out any of this without seeming bitter and making things awkward. I would just assume it was an innocent mistake and not worry about it. If it’s a pattern of behavior, then sure, you may be getting iced out. But not really much you can do about it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Immediately after the event happened and they both knew the mess-up, each of those two should have initiate specific plans for the three of you to enjoy. Just the three of you.

Action would have been far more powerful than words.

[Anonymous]

Op! I know you are hurt, but a shower wouldn’t be a hill to die on (for me). They are endless. If you want, when the baby is born, send a gift.

[Anonymous]

I'd be equally wary OP as I've seen this pattern before. My husband introduced three of his college friends to another friend they all hit it off and soon started hanging out without him. My husband didn't make a big deal of it but eventually, one of the college friends had a destination wedding. Not only was the new friend invited, but he was asked to be a groomsman. Meanwhile, my husband and I didn't even receive an invitation. It strained our relationship, and we don't socialize with them anymore. So, I believe your concerns are entirely justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is just this one thing, I would chalk it up to the fact that someone else was in charge of invitations and something got missed.

Agree

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are being ostracized. You introduced two friends who became good friends. That doesn’t mean that you are not friends with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

I can think of countless people I have invited or met through others and we become closer than the person who introduced us.

I have a friend I have known for years. She is my husband’s friend’s wife. They had a party and had a friend and I hit it off with the friend. The new friend introduced me to some of her friends who also got along with my good friend. We have sort of become a new group of friends. I can’t imagine my original friend being upset about this as she is not my close friend and the friend she introduced me to is also not a close friend of hers either.

[Anonymous]

Ana is a new friend of yours, so you do not come up that easily for a new friend's party.
Clearly, Nikki has become a better friend quicker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can think of countless people I have invited or met through others and we become closer than the person who introduced us.

I have a friend I have known for years. She is my husband’s friend’s wife. They had a party and had a friend and I hit it off with the friend. The new friend introduced me to some of her friends who also got along with my good friend. We have sort of become a new group of friends. I can’t imagine my original friend being upset about this as she is not my close friend and the friend she introduced me to is also not a close friend of hers either.

OP is not upset that Nikki and Ana are friends, or that they hang out without OP.

She is hurt that she was not included in a party for Ana, even though Nikki was. OP would have liked to celebrate Ana and is wondering if this is an indication that Ana and Nikki may be fading out their friendship with her. She would be sad to lose their friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of countless people I have invited or met through others and we become closer than the person who introduced us.

I have a friend I have known for years. She is my husband’s friend’s wife. They had a party and had a friend and I hit it off with the friend. The new friend introduced me to some of her friends who also got along with my good friend. We have sort of become a new group of friends. I can’t imagine my original friend being upset about this as she is not my close friend and the friend she introduced me to is also not a close friend of hers either.

OP is not upset that Nikki and Ana are friends, or that they hang out without OP.

She is hurt that she was not included in a party for Ana, even though Nikki was. OP would have liked to celebrate Ana and is wondering if this is an indication that Ana and Nikki may be fading out their friendship with her. She would be sad to lose their friendship.

OP said that it was a surprise sprinkle. I would not be offended. If Ana was planning the party or Niki was the planner, then Op should feel bad. I don’t think this is the case.