Materialistic friend

[Anonymous]

Tacky and classless is what this is. Your friend has no couth and I personally would be turned off and looking for a new friend...unless you are birds of a feather?

People with class and money don't talk like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What money range are we talking about and what lifestyle are they projecting?

I assume HHI of about $700k. Constant discussion of cars, trips, and second home etc

Is she new money! No one likes people like this. I’d say what pp suggested above. Maybe she just needs it pointed out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having gone to an Ivy League school and then lived many years in New York City, I noticed that people with money fall into 2 camps. One camp tends to be flashy (and in NYC, flashy does not always equate true wealth) and the other camp tends to prefer projecting "normal" like average middle class American. Some used to classify as old money vs new money. Would that describe your situation with your friend?

I think this is it. I really hate to display my own privilege and feel rather sensitive about it. I have even taken to simply not telling people about the trips I’m taking or other specifics on money to avoid making people uncomfortable or jealous. My friend however does it with gusto and a little bit of judgment. This is the person who in conversation with those less well off will suddenly begin talking about how they just got access to private banking and it’s sooo great and how their financial advisor told them they would have x much by then, etc.

Oof this is bad. I would say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having gone to an Ivy League school and then lived many years in New York City, I noticed that people with money fall into 2 camps. One camp tends to be flashy (and in NYC, flashy does not always equate true wealth) and the other camp tends to prefer projecting "normal" like average middle class American. Some used to classify as old money vs new money. Would that describe your situation with your friend?

I think this is it. I really hate to display my own privilege and feel rather sensitive about it. I have even taken to simply not telling people about the trips I’m taking or other specifics on money to avoid making people uncomfortable or jealous. My friend however does it with gusto and a little bit of judgment. This is the person who in conversation with those less well off will suddenly begin talking about how they just got access to private banking and it’s sooo great and how their financial advisor told them they would have x much by then, etc.

Well it appears your parents raised you with some class... something completely lacking in new money circles. Be happy you have some pedigree and find some friends with the same. There are lots of classy, wealthy people here in DC who don't need to discuss their money or define their self worth with it.

[Anonymous]

I’m the wealthy friend in my circles. We have a seven figure HHI. I try to downplay our lifestyle. I don’t talk about car purchases but I may mention upcoming travel or that we bought a new beach house and would love to have friend over. I am always self conscious of bragging. I try not to brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a talk. "You might not realize but you've started talking about money and acquisitions a lot this year and that's a big change. What's going on? Would you mind taking a break from it when we talk?"

I'd only advise this is if the friend is the type who is open to feedback. Otherwise I'd just quietly scale back how much time I spend with the friend.

+1

I've had to scale a friendship back for this reason and that didn't go well either. J
I think she took everything as a personal slight without the least bit of introspection. This might be common for insecure people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a talk. "You might not realize but you've started talking about money and acquisitions a lot this year and that's a big change. What's going on? Would you mind taking a break from it when we talk?"

I'd only advise this is if the friend is the type who is open to feedback. Otherwise I'd just quietly scale back how much time I spend with the friend.

+1. With some people, everything is money, money, money, OP. It’s not just that, it us always something - they always seem to want what other people have, it’s never enough, and they tend to not know when to stop.

The trying to count other people’s pennies gets old. Then you realize, they are doing it to you, too. To say it's unsettling is an understatement, because it soon splashes over to everything - where your kid was admitted to college, etc.

Have you read some of the posts on this board? Back away slowly and stay far away from the toxicity.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Yes, my friend is new money and for what it's worth, they did work hard and work hard currently to stay where they are. But I should say I am also new money and I try to be thoughtful about how I present myself to others. I would not mind if this friend spoke to me about money all the time because I think they kinda see me as like being like them (new money, success because of personal work, etc.) but it really bothers me when they gloat/humble brag with mutual friends who are definitely far less well off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a talk. "You might not realize but you've started talking about money and acquisitions a lot this year and that's a big change. What's going on? Would you mind taking a break from it when we talk?"

I'd only advise this is if the friend is the type who is open to feedback. Otherwise I'd just quietly scale back how much time I spend with the friend.

+1

I've had to scale a friendship back for this reason and that didn't go well either. J
I think she took everything as a personal slight without the least bit of introspection. This might be common for insecure people.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is short. Personally I would end the friendship if it’s not bringing you anything positive.

This

I liquidated about 90% of my friendships five years ago because they weren’t bringing positive value

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having gone to an Ivy League school and then lived many years in New York City, I noticed that people with money fall into 2 camps. One camp tends to be flashy (and in NYC, flashy does not always equate true wealth) and the other camp tends to prefer projecting "normal" like average middle class American. Some used to classify as old money vs new money. Would that describe your situation with your friend?

I think this is it. I really hate to display my own privilege and feel rather sensitive about it. I have even taken to simply not telling people about the trips I’m taking or other specifics on money to avoid making people uncomfortable or jealous. My friend however does it with gusto and a little bit of judgment. This is the person who in conversation with those less well off will suddenly begin talking about how they just got access to private banking and it’s sooo great and how their financial advisor told them they would have x much by then, etc.

Oof this is bad. I would say something.

What does this even mena and why would someone bring it up? Do I have it not know it?

[Anonymous]

Wait, what is private banking?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd distance myself. Your friend is a bore.