Dealing with sibling invite scenario

[Anonymous]

I would share this with the parents and ask whether older kid can be included, since they're all in the same friend AND sibling group.

BTDT with DC1 being excluded from invites for DC2, who was friends with the little sibling of DC1's supposed friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would share this with the parents and ask whether older kid can be included, since they're all in the same friend AND sibling group.

BTDT with DC1 being excluded from invites for DC2, who was friends with the little sibling of DC1's supposed friend.

No, don't ask. They are deliberately excluding the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if they invited the older one, bu they aren't so move on. The kids aren't friends and as kids get older that happens.

This, I get. But to invite the brother and the dad? That does not feel like the kind of thing that happens with kind people.

[Anonymous]

I am not one of those parents who thinks siblings must always be included (I do not think you have to invite both siblings to a bday party or play date at your house, for example, if the older kids aren’t friends) but this situation w the sporting event and inviting your DH and younger kid is different. It sounds like they are actually being mean or *maybe* they are really, really socially clueless. I feel like even if the older kids aren’t friends I would include them both just for the sake of being kind/inclusive in the case of the sporting event. I think your DH and younger DS should decline the invite and that you should distance yourself from these people. If they ask why, tell them the truth (that you felt uncomfortable w them excluding your older kid since he’s in the same friend group w their older kid).

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

If older than age 7, kids pick their own friends. I have two boys two years apart. When the kids were young (preschool and early elementary), we would do things together. We moved when boys were in second and fourth grade and there no group play dates. Now boys are 13 and 15 and there are several boys who brothers close together and there is not one set of two boys who hang out with my two boys. One is in middle school and one is in high school.

It is not cool to send siblings once kids are over age 7 or 8. This is drop off age.

When my boys were in preschool, there was a mom who had boys the exact same ages as my boys. She was very social and often invited my younger son. She never once invited my older son, including birthday parties. My older son said the kid was a jerk. Boys did not like one another. No big deal.

I now have 3 kids and I don’t like siblings at parties, play dates or outings. It is probably because I have teens now. It is just weird to throw in siblings who are not even friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

If older than age 7, kids pick their own friends. I have two boys two years apart. When the kids were young (preschool and early elementary), we would do things together. We moved when boys were in second and fourth grade and there no group play dates. Now boys are 13 and 15 and there are several boys who brothers close together and there is not one set of two boys who hang out with my two boys. One is in middle school and one is in high school.

It is not cool to send siblings once kids are over age 7 or 8. This is drop off age.

When my boys were in preschool, there was a mom who had boys the exact same ages as my boys. She was very social and often invited my younger son. She never once invited my older son, including birthday parties. My older son said the kid was a jerk. Boys did not like one another. No big deal.

I now have 3 kids and I don’t like siblings at parties, play dates or outings. It is probably because I have teens now. It is just weird to throw in siblings who are not even friends.

This isn't the issue. The issue is they invited the younger son and the DH, while excluding the only other child. That is mean. If they wanted to just invited the younger son, I get that.

[Anonymous]

There are basically two types of friends:

1. Adult friends and their kids who are also friends with my kids. These people are my adult friends first and when I make plans with them, it is more about the parents even if we are doing an outing.

2. Kids’ friends - my friends all have their own friends and not one set of siblings align with mine. When kids were 7 and under, we would hang out as families but as kids get older, it is more about the kids’ friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if they invited the older one, bu they aren't so move on. The kids aren't friends and as kids get older that happens.

This, I get. But to invite the brother and the dad? That does not feel like the kind of thing that happens with kind people.

They are not kind people and that's the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stuff like this is why no one has friends anymore. Who needs to go through this? Why can’t people be inclusive.

I know right? People should start teaching their kids inclusivity. If there’s a small event coming up don’t invite the older one. Show your older child that sometimes there’s an event for just the younger ones. That might make him feel better to see it’s not personal.

There’s really no fixing the problem unless you’re honest with her and discuss how it confuses and hurts your son’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

If older than age 7, kids pick their own friends. I have two boys two years apart. When the kids were young (preschool and early elementary), we would do things together. We moved when boys were in second and fourth grade and there no group play dates. Now boys are 13 and 15 and there are several boys who brothers close together and there is not one set of two boys who hang out with my two boys. One is in middle school and one is in high school.

It is not cool to send siblings once kids are over age 7 or 8. This is drop off age.

When my boys were in preschool, there was a mom who had boys the exact same ages as my boys. She was very social and often invited my younger son. She never once invited my older son, including birthday parties. My older son said the kid was a jerk. Boys did not like one another. No big deal.

I now have 3 kids and I don’t like siblings at parties, play dates or outings. It is probably because I have teens now. It is just weird to throw in siblings who are not even friends.

This isn't the issue. The issue is they invited the younger son and the DH, while excluding the only other child. That is mean. If they wanted to just invited the younger son, I get that.

Pp here. I’m often the organizer and have never invited a set of siblings. We have let each kid pick a friend or two or three. I would never think to invite the brother of my child’s friend just because they are the same age as my other child.

I do not know how close Op is to the other family or if the older kids were ever friends. I’m not really sure what she means when she says same peer group. My boys have many boys in their same grade that they know but never hang out with. You are either friends or not.

It is also odd for OLDER sibling to tag along younger sibling’s friend hang out. It is much more common for a younger sibling to tag along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stuff like this is why no one has friends anymore. Who needs to go through this? Why can’t people be inclusive.

I know right? People should start teaching their kids inclusivity. If there’s a small event coming up don’t invite the older one. Show your older child that sometimes there’s an event for just the younger ones. That might make him feel better to see it’s not personal.

There’s really no fixing the problem unless you’re honest with her and discuss how it confuses and hurts your son’s feelings.

They aren't going to care and once kids get ES this is normal. Do you do entire class parties still in ES (we did but we were rare)?

[Anonymous]

I almost guarantee that the parents are not the ones trying to leave older kid out. Their older child must not like OP’s older child for whatever reason. It does not sound like they are friends.

I always say this but not including is not the same as excluding.

Ds is friends with a boy and Dh likes the dad. We sometimes plan something fun and only invite my son’s friend and the dad. Has always been this way. There is a daughter and son who probably would also enjoy outing but they are not invited because our kids are not friends.

[Anonymous]

What ages, OP? This matters a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The petty in me would be tempted to host a really fun summer party and invite everyone except the older son and make sure to include the youngest.

Anyways, you should probably listen to someone else. Petty is probably not the best strategy.

Don't do this. I'm sure the older son has no control. Actually I would drop the parents

He’s the one who probably tells the mom not to invite him!

[Anonymous]

OP is not saying ages. Older kid must be like 10+. Totally inappropriate to expect older sibling to tag along with someone just because they are the same age.