Dealing with sibling invite scenario

[Anonymous]

I have 2 dcs of different ages who have friends their same ages who are also siblings. I use the word 'friend' loosely bc the older sibling is lukewarm on my older dc, but they are part of the same peer group. There have been several occasions lately where the family has hosted kids and my younger dc is invited but older dc is the only one among the friend group who is not. While it's totally fair in theory, it's obviously rough on the older dc to deal with. Recently they also invited dh to join them for a sporting event with younger dc, but not older one. Would love any thoughts on how to navigate all this! I am an only child so no great life experience to draw from

[Anonymous]

That sounds really crappy if I’m being blunt. If your older DS is the only one in the group not invited?? And they invite your younger DS so he knows he is excluded? I actually have no words. I don’t know what kind of people would leave your older DS out like that. I don’t really know how you navigate it. Does your older DS have another friend group or other friends he can focus on developing friendships with so he doesn’t have to be so dependent on this particular group?

[Anonymous]

The petty in me would be tempted to host a really fun summer party and invite everyone except the older son and make sure to include the youngest.

Anyways, you should probably listen to someone else. Petty is probably not the best strategy.

[Anonymous]

Stuff like this is why no one has friends anymore. Who needs to go through this? Why can’t people be inclusive.

[Anonymous]

op - yes. and the dh invite was so odd bc I couldn't work out why in that scenario they would not just include older ds? Like really dh and younger ds are going to go to an event with your kids friends who didn't invite him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The petty in me would be tempted to host a really fun summer party and invite everyone except the older son and make sure to include the youngest.

Anyways, you should probably listen to someone else. Petty is probably not the best strategy.

Don't do this. I'm sure the older son has no control. Actually I would drop the parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds really crappy if I’m being blunt. If your older DS is the only one in the group not invited?? And they invite your younger DS so he knows he is excluded? I actually have no words. I don’t know what kind of people would leave your older DS out like that. I don’t really know how you navigate it. Does your older DS have another friend group or other friends he can focus on developing friendships with so he doesn’t have to be so dependent on this particular group?

op - yes kind of but it's also a small school and so not a huge selection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - yes. and the dh invite was so odd bc I couldn't work out why in that scenario they would not just include older ds? Like really dh and younger ds are going to go to an event with your kids friends who didn't invite him?

What did they say? I would have said the truth. “I’m worried older son will feel left out so the rest of us better not go either.”

[Anonymous]

Does their older DC actively dislike yours? It's hard to force family togetherness if that's the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - yes. and the dh invite was so odd bc I couldn't work out why in that scenario they would not just include older ds? Like really dh and younger ds are going to go to an event with your kids friends who didn't invite him?

What did they say? I would have said the truth. “I’m worried older son will feel left out so the rest of us better not go either.”

they just asked him today, and he hasn't replied yet (hence why I am asking for advice).
I also didn't realize until today that all older ds's friends were going also. I think dh definitely wont go. I even feel a little weird about younger ds going at this point because I feel like it sort of creates such an odd dynamic and younger ds doesn't care that much about this occasion and will actually miss a basketball game he has if he goes. But unsure...

[Anonymous]

It would be nice if they invited the older one, bu they aren't so move on. The kids aren't friends and as kids get older that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does their older DC actively dislike yours? It's hard to force family togetherness if that's the case.

That has never been my understanding of the situation but perhaps? My understanding was they got along but he just wasn't his first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if they invited the older one, bu they aren't so move on. The kids aren't friends and as kids get older that happens.

op - true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op - yes. and the dh invite was so odd bc I couldn't work out why in that scenario they would not just include older ds? Like really dh and younger ds are going to go to an event with your kids friends who didn't invite him?

What did they say? I would have said the truth. “I’m worried older son will feel left out so the rest of us better not go either.”

they just asked him today, and he hasn't replied yet (hence why I am asking for advice).
I also didn't realize until today that all older ds's friends were going also. I think dh definitely wont go. I even feel a little weird about younger ds going at this point because I feel like it sort of creates such an odd dynamic and younger ds doesn't care that much about this occasion and will actually miss a basketball game he has if he goes. But unsure...

Decline.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you can get some better advice, but this would be a hard no for younger ds and dh on this. Getting excluded is hard enough, but to invite a brother AND the dad. That feels intentionally mean.

Pass on this party. And I hope your DH feels the same.