Do you have a lot of close friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such a big part of my low self esteem and maybe depression.

I’ve made good friends in my life but they always seem lukewarm in terms of keeping it going. It follows a similar path. It works for a while and we get along well. In some cases, we traveled to each other’s weddings and took trips together. [b]Then it just slowly changes and I realize that if I don’t reach out, we don’t connect. [i]

I have a close friend now who never reaches out. If I suggest we go out or for a walk, she’s very enthusiastic and suggests getting together more often. Not once has she followed up. If I text, she’s ready to go. I assume I’m not a bother but it does make me wonder.

Other friends have stopped contact completely and I gave up.

In some cases they have other friends but mostly they just don’t seem to care about having friends.

Same here. I have had close friends at different stages of life, but I feel closer to them than they do to me. They don’t prioritize talking or getting together.

[Anonymous]

Of my four closest friends, one is from elementary school, two I met in high school, and one from grad school in my late 20s. They live in other states and countries. We communicate regularly -- from almost daily texts with a couple to calls every couple month with another.

I've been much less close to some of them during periods of time. We find our way back to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of my four closest friends, one is from elementary school, two I met in high school, and one from grad school in my late 20s. They live in other states and countries. We communicate regularly -- from almost daily texts with a couple to calls every couple month with another.

I've been much less close to some of them during periods of time. We find our way back to each other.

One thing to note is that I haven't had a spouse who is my best friend, so I haven't ever been tempted to let my friendships dwindle.

[Anonymous]

I'm older and find that once people are through the most consuming part of child rearing, they have more time and energy to devote to friendships. The key is keeping in touch whether by social media, text groups or occasional get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Every relationship can last (or for people you have permanent connections to but don't like, you can endure) if you find the right rhythm. A compatible rhythm of seeing each other. IRL or communicating in any form.

If you are in a relationship and you are resentful, you are doing too much. Too much for this relationship, at this time. Scale back to whatever amount of contact -would not- cause you to be resentful if it were not reciprocated. Something closer to the effort the other person is making. You have to accept reality and not be mad at what you wish you were getting but are not getting. Close friends, being in touch frequently, being very in sync .. those friends are gems. But the season for friendships changes. Friendships ebb and flow, often adjusting after decades. It's worth taking the long view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have so many acquaintances but not many close friends. I meet people often and hang out in groups. I make approximately one close friend per decade.

We moved recently so now 100% of my close friends are not local.

[Anonymous]

No, but I somewhat prefer to have a group of more casual friends. I have a child with disabilities and I don't have tons of time to hang out, so I find it best to keep it light and in a group setting. All nice women, and I enjoy their company together, but don't yearn to get closer to any of them one on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My close friends are not really in this area, they are spread out over my lifetime and experiences. But we pick up where we left off, no matter how long it has been since we have chatted or caught up. We are each other's cheerleaders, which I value.

This describes me well. Sometimes it’s a long time between when we connect but we pick up where we left off. Since having kids 15 years ago I’ve made one really close friend (who moved, but we stay in touch) and have a good number of not-close friends (women I like and enjoy spending time with but don’t 100% click with). I also have a number of work colleagues who I now consider close friends but it took me 18 years in my career to get to that point.

I’ve found my late 40s to actually be a good time for renewing and/or investing in friendships. Much better than my 30s when we had newly moved and had young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What in the F is a STBXH? Starbucks Hoe?

\\You are slow,, everyone else knows what this means.

[Anonymous]

No and it is something I’d really like to change. Everybody is busy all the time and so am I