Do you have a lot of close friends?

[Anonymous]

I have so many acquaintances but not many close friends. I meet people often and hang out in groups. I make approximately one close friend per decade.

[Anonymous]

I have almost none. But I'm highly introverted and happy enough to rely on my DH and peers at work for human interaction. I just don't have the kind of energy it takes to sustain close friendships.

[Anonymous]

My close friends are not really in this area, they are spread out over my lifetime and experiences. But we pick up where we left off, no matter how long it has been since we have chatted or caught up. We are each other's cheerleaders, which I value. Women in this area don't seem to cheer each other on or support each other in the same way.

[Anonymous]

Do you keep those close friends? For example, do you have one from high school, one from college, one from 20's, one from 30's that are still your close friends? If so I'd say you're doing pretty well. I have my best friend since high school, three close friends from college (we hang out as a group of four because we all have to travel to get together so I'm closer to some than others but we're still all close), two close friends from work, and a few close friends I've made since we've moved when our kids were 4 (they are neighborhood friends and kids go to school together but not all in the same grade, within about three years on either side). So basically I've collected close friends from each stage of my life.

I don't think it's weird to get a close friend each decade, but if you aren't still close with them, maybe think about why? I make an effort to see my friends - we travel to see each other, sometimes with families (best friend, neighborhood friends), sometimes just us (college and work friends). We text or talk on the phone (my best friend is a teacher and she walks in the mornings so I get up at 6 so I can walk and talk with her on the phone - we live four hours apart). It takes work to maintain close friendships, so are you putting in the effort? (I don't mean this to be critical - life happens and it can be hard to make time for friends).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have almost none. But I'm highly introverted and happy enough to rely on my DH and peers at work for human interaction. I just don't have the kind of energy it takes to sustain close friendships.

+1, except I am a recent widow, so no longer have DH to rely on. I will say that it has been relatively easy to move some of those acquaintances to close friends.

[Anonymous]

I have a few close friends I formed in my 20s and that's mostly it. DH is also close to them, so it feels like a friend group. We are all very busy though so we only get together maybe once very couple months? We do have a very active text thread, though, and definitely lean on each other for major life challenges like work problems, ailing parents, and parenting issues.

I also have a mom friend I met when our DDs were babies, but I feel like our friendship has transitioned into just family friends (like our families get together) but I don't really consider her close.

Honestly, it's enough. I'm very close to my husband and my DD, and I'm also someone who really likes my solitude. I went through a period of feeling very lonely around the time I turned 40, partly due to being a full time remote worker and then Covid and just feeling very isolated. But I do have the one friend group plus other acquaintances, I have my family unit... I'm just grateful for that. I think when I was younger I had this vision of what friendship would look like at middle age and it's different than that, and it took me time to acclimate to that. But now I have and I'm just grateful for the people I have in my life and don't stress that there aren't more or that I'm not making new friends all the time.

[Anonymous]

I have 9. Many are not as available, IRL weekly/monthly as I might prefer.

[Anonymous]

I have a few close friends, but STBXH was my best friend and I thought I was his. Turns out I was wrong and my lack of a support structure is really showing. I’m incredibly grateful for the close friends I do have, but they’re not local. These days I accept any and all invitations and hope that eventually some of my acquaintances will turn into friends.

[Anonymous]

What in the F is a STBXH? Starbucks Hoe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What in the F is a STBXH? Starbucks Hoe?

I thought Starbucks too haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What in the F is a STBXH? Starbucks Hoe?

She means "soon to be ex-husband"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you keep those close friends? For example, do you have one from high school, one from college, one from 20's, one from 30's that are still your close friends? If so I'd say you're doing pretty well. I have my best friend since high school, three close friends from college (we hang out as a group of four because we all have to travel to get together so I'm closer to some than others but we're still all close), two close friends from work, and a few close friends I've made since we've moved when our kids were 4 (they are neighborhood friends and kids go to school together but not all in the same grade, within about three years on either side). So basically I've collected close friends from each stage of my life.

I don't think it's weird to get a close friend each decade, but if you aren't still close with them, maybe think about why? I make an effort to see my friends - we travel to see each other, sometimes with families (best friend, neighborhood friends), sometimes just us (college and work friends). We text or talk on the phone (my best friend is a teacher and she walks in the mornings so I get up at 6 so I can walk and talk with her on the phone - we live four hours apart). It takes work to maintain close friendships, so are you putting in the effort? (I don't mean this to be critical - life happens and it can be hard to make time for friends).

Op here. I have close friends from various times in my life but they live out of state. I made many friends when we first moved to DC with a baby and toddler. We all moved within the DMV and our kids who were once friends no longer are friends as they attend different schools, play different sports and do different activities. Some of the moms still get together occasionally but it is less frequent, especially after Covid and it is harder to schedule and we all don’t make one another a priority.

[Anonymous]

5

[Anonymous]

I have 7, but they are all individual friendships and not friends with each other if that makes sense. I sometimes feel jealous of people who have a group of friends.

It's my next door neighbor from growing up, my 2 elementary school best friends, 2 best friends from high school, and 2 from college. I cherish each of them and we talk/see each other frequently. I haven't made a single close friend in adulthood though (I think mostly because I have a job where I primarily work alone and don't really have coworkers)

[Anonymous]

This is such a big part of my low self esteem and maybe depression.

I’ve made good friends in my life but they always seem lukewarm in terms of keeping it going. It follows a similar path. It works for a while and we get along well. In some cases, we traveled to each other’s weddings and took trips together. Then it just slowly changes and I realize that if I don’t reach out, we don’t connect.

I have a close friend now who never reaches out. If I suggest we go out or for a walk, she’s very enthusiastic and suggests getting together more often. Not once has she followed up. If I text, she’s ready to go. I assume I’m not a bother but it does make me wonder.

Other friends have stopped contact completely and I gave up.

In some cases they have other friends but mostly they just don’t seem to care about having friends.