Overcoming transphobia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start from the assumption that most people know themselves best. It’s fine to consider someone’s desire for surgery or other physically altering drugs like hormones beyond your comprehension — you don’t have to “get” what trans people want in order to support their right to do it, just like straight people don’t have to “get” same sex attraction to support gay and lesbian people. Now extend that consideration for other people’s self-knowledge and consider that parents who are allowing their children to take hormones or puberty blockers or research surgery are doing it because they’ve spent significant time understanding who their kids are and what the least painful course they can see is. Understand that maintaining the status quo is actively painful for a trans person. In short, OP, stop assuming you know other people and other people’s children better than they know themselves.

Not OP here but I know some of the parents in this situation and they are in agony. They don’t know what’s best. They’re being told by some that if they don’t support medical transition (for a 14 year old!) their child will die by suicide. They’re being told by others that this is a permanent decision with either likely or certain loss of bodily functionality and lifelong dependence on pharmaceuticals. They have zero good choices. My heart breaks for them. There has to be a better way to deal with gender distress in children. There just has to be.

[Anonymous]

OP the number of minors that transition by surgery in the US is extremely low.

RW idiots want everyone to think this is a daily occurrence it is not.

No parent gets gender affirming care from a doctor without thoroughly getting vetted them their child etc.

No one does any of this without a lot of time thought and consideration.

RW is gas lighting you. The stats are online from reputable sources.

Things like puberty blockers are not just given out like candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway asking here bc I can’t ask IRL. How do I manage not to convey this belief to the trans teens in my life who are medically transitioning?

How many trans teens under 18 do you know who are taking permanent steps as opposed to socially transitioning or delaying puberty?

Two.

NP. Are these your students? Because you sound very much like an outside observer wringing their hands over something they don't know very much about, not someone who has emotionally joined a parent on their journey with their transgender child.

I wonder if it would help you to hear from transgender adults. I follow a few on TikTok and it's been very educational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I’m not sure what it is you actually want to overcome. Do you actually find fault with your opinion and want it to change, or do you just want to make sure you don’t cause harm to relationships with those around you?

It can be very difficult to navigate.

I disagree with some of the ideology being pushed by LGBTQ+. For context I am an L with a non GNC child, and I have many friends in the community. There are some people in the community, including among the Ts, who are able to differentiate between questioning/criticizing parts of the ideology and actual transphobia. Those people tend to be older and have more life experience. Teens and young adults see things differently.

I see parallels between this issue and Gaza in the way that there are people who cannot separate questioning/criticizing the State of Israel’s actions and antisemitism. That I question/criticize Israel’s actions in Gaza has nothing to do with hatred towards Jewish people, but to some, it is all the same. I have seen the same thing going on in discourse about transgender issues. The tide may be turning a bit, but for a while, it was pretty much impossible to say or wonder aloud anything that wasn’t 100% affirming and unquestioning and parroting the “approved” lines.

You are a horrible human.

Everything you wrote is utter BS.

You are RW garbage.

DP, and no it isn't. There are many of us out here who want to be kind and affirming to individual people but don't always agree with every single thing that the trans (or any) community says.

That's the way life works. People have different opinions. Trans kids is a difficult situation for all involved. The inability of so many to talk about these situations with nuance or consideration of different opinions offered in good faith is part of the problem these days.

The good thing is that it doesn’t matter if you understand or fully support their choices.

Just be kind.

[Anonymous]

Eh.

1. You're worrying about a minuscule number of minors, OP.

2. Do you also worry about trafficked minors? Kids with fatal diseases? Abused minors?

3. Many kids make really, really bad decisions. Sometimes they die from them. Are you grieving about them?

So again, unless we're talking about legislation to prevent minors from transitioning... eh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh.

1. You're worrying about a minuscule number of minors, OP.

2. Do you also worry about trafficked minors? Kids with fatal diseases? Abused minors?

3. Many kids make really, really bad decisions. Sometimes they die from them. Are you grieving about them?

So again, unless we're talking about legislation to prevent minors from transitioning... eh.

+1

Think about why you’re fixated on this particular topic vs others that do cause significant harm to teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyway asking here bc I can’t ask IRL. How do I manage not to convey this belief to the trans teens in my life who are medically transitioning?

Honestly, the same way you managed to keep your mouth shut about everything else you disagree with, unless you actually live in a bubble where everyone agrees with you. Someone I’m close to has a child who is medically transitioning and I am so worried about them, but I recognize that this isn’t a place where my input would be at all helpful. I very much hope they do not regret it as adults. As someone who went through infertility, the fact that this child is being effectively sterilized just breaks my heart. But hopefully it will be an entirely different experience for them because it will be an idea they are used to by the time they reach child rearing age.

+1

It’s so saddening

[Anonymous]

I guess its between kid, their parents, child protection services, pediatrician, therapist, endocrinologist and surgeons, my opinion or yours shouldn't matter either way.

However, not every child has clarity, not every parent is competent and not every paid professional neutral so this is not as black and white as it seems.

On one side society says no one should marry or face criminal prosecution until 30 or whenever their prefrontal cortex is fully developed but on other side body and mind altering hormones and surgery is justified at 13.

I'm not sure about these issues but guess just like parents have power to permit needed medical and surgical intervention, actually even elective like circumcision or growth hormones for height etc., probably they can make other decisions as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess its between kid, their parents, child protection services, pediatrician, therapist, endocrinologist and surgeons, my opinion or yours shouldn't matter either way.

However, not every child has clarity, not every parent is competent and not every paid professional neutral so this is not as black and white as it seems.

On one side society says no one should marry or face criminal prosecution until 30 or whenever their prefrontal cortex is fully developed but on other side body and mind altering hormones and surgery is justified at 13.

I'm not sure about these issues but guess just like parents have power to permit needed medical and surgical intervention, actually even elective like circumcision or growth hormones for height etc., probably they can make other decisions as well.

Who said surgery is justified at 13?

[Anonymous]

What about aesthetic surgeries for teen girls? Aren't those irreversible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess its between kid, their parents, child protection services, pediatrician, therapist, endocrinologist and surgeons, my opinion or yours shouldn't matter either way.

However, not every child has clarity, not every parent is competent and not every paid professional neutral so this is not as black and white as it seems.

On one side society says no one should marry or face criminal prosecution until 30 or whenever their prefrontal cortex is fully developed but on other side body and mind altering hormones and surgery is justified at 13.

I'm not sure about these issues but guess just like parents have power to permit needed medical and surgical intervention, actually even elective like circumcision or growth hormones for height etc., probably they can make other decisions as well.

Who said surgery is justified at 13?

There are no specific laws in the United States that prevent teenagers from getting cosmetic surgery; however, parental consent is required for patients under the age of 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess its between kid, their parents, child protection services, pediatrician, therapist, endocrinologist and surgeons, my opinion or yours shouldn't matter either way.

However, not every child has clarity, not every parent is competent and not every paid professional neutral so this is not as black and white as it seems.

On one side society says no one should marry or face criminal prosecution until 30 or whenever their prefrontal cortex is fully developed but on other side body and mind altering hormones and surgery is justified at 13.

I'm not sure about these issues but guess just like parents have power to permit needed medical and surgical intervention, actually even elective like circumcision or growth hormones for height etc., probably they can make other decisions as well.

Who said surgery is justified at 13?

There are no specific laws in the United States that prevent teenagers from getting cosmetic surgery; however, parental consent is required for patients under the age of 18.

Right. So no one is pushing surgery for 13yos.

Lame a$$ fearmongering.

[Anonymous]

This topic is so confusing and polarizing that its not possible to try to brainstorm without getting bashed by both sides. I don't have enough knowledge to see it clearly but support whatever makes lives easier for these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the alternative is the kid attempting suicide, which in many cases i believe it is, then I could easily swallow misgivings about plastic surgery if it meant not attending that teen’s funeral.

This is a tad dramatic and not reasonably provable. Maybe keep the kids off of social media which feeds this idea to kids constantly

[Anonymous]

I don't think that's transphobic, OP. You have practical and important questions that impact a person for the rest of their life.

I believe that being trans is real. I believe trans persons have a right to live safely, with confidence, and peace. I certainly believe in adults doing and living however they want. But teens + parents + doctors + therapists need to be in this together, to figure out a long term, lifelong plan for a child struggling with gender identity. It just needs to be thought about in depth and not rushed - though yes, I understand the implications of interfering in/before puberty.