Who to call — senior indep living, needs help out of bed post surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The big question is can he afford to hire help and private pay. If yes, then you can hire a local social worker to coordinate care (IL facility should be able to recommend) or you can arrange it from afar. Get people in from 7-11 to get him up, showered, and in a chair and help with exercises, then again in the evening from 4-8 to do dinner and bedtime routine. It will cost about $6k a month (I think) but if he wants to be home, this is the option. If funds are limited, rehab is the choice.

Having been in your position, I want to point out that this is not your responsibility. If he is of sound mind, it is on him. All you can do is make suggestions, do research and offer solutions. Sometime it takes dire consequences to snap people out of being either obstinate or in denial. Wringing your hands from afar is just going to drive you crazy and probably won't help him anyway.

Thank you. He doesn’t want so much care / regimentation which I’ve told him he needs. He’s conceded to have some hired help to assist him in and out of bed and light housekeeping (which he wouldn’t do even when healthy). I’ve tried to explain he cannot keep leaning on people to just help when he needs it so frequently. And most of my contacts there are about his age. Most of my friends from there have also moved out of state. It is so frustrating all around. He has money, I know he wants to leave to my family and charities but honestly, the best thing is for to spend it on his own care. It will improve his relationships with the IL and residents and volunteers (eg, me, my sibling, former neighbors and an acquaintance from church). He is what I will spending his money on if he becomes mentally incompetent. That is the only priority right now. He thinks things are just this one little thing. It’s not one thing and all these little things are time consuming for various reasons. -OP

[Anonymous]

revisit the doctor and see if he can go to rehab now. the discharge to home was the wrong choice and is not working out. he needs more help.

[Anonymous]

PS His insurance would’ve cover most if not all of the costs (I’m sure he’s met his deductible with his nearly 2 week hospital stay in January. The IL people were incredulous that he did not start at the rehab facility for the first week or two as he told them and me. They want me to do something about the situation, but I told them the only thing I can do is suggest and try to influence him, but he’s ultimately in charge.

[Anonymous]

Does he understand that at some point he may fall and not be able to summon help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:revisit the doctor and see if he can go to rehab now. the discharge to home was the wrong choice and is not working out. he needs more help.

This. Your scenario happened to my neighbor. She was discharged to her house after revision of knee replacement surgery. Being in her home was not working. Her PCP prescribed her back to rehab. She was out of rehab in 10 days and doing much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he understand that at some point he may fall and not be able to summon help?

He has a pendant from IŁ as well as one from Medic Alert for outside the IŁ … when he drives!!!!! Arrrggghhhh.