family insists on nickname I hate

[Anonymous]

OP here. Also chuckling at Chuckles. And I now think I have the perfect response. Thanks!!!

[Anonymous]

The misnomer ends the conversation, every time. Phone, hang up. In person, walk awaym

[Anonymous]

I just refuse to respond.

[Anonymous]

My mother has this tude over everything. I would handle it the same way I handle it when she tells obnoxious stories from my childhood. Just leave the room.

If they accuse you of being too sensitive, don't say a word. Some people really love power trips and pushing buttons. Don't give them what they want. Don't respond to the nickname, but don't show emotion either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you call them by their given names? Not mom and dad. If they say they earned their right to call you what you dislike, you address them not as their child but as someone in a transactional relationship with them.

I think this is a good approach.

Recently I told my parents that it bothers me that when they visit my home, they openly criticize and judge my home and family in ways I know they would NEVER do with anyone else, including other members of their family (their siblings and nieces and nephews). My mom, in particular, is unfailingly polite with everyone else, but she will walk into my house and start criticizing and complaining immediately.

My mom replied that they have "earned the right" to criticize like this because they are my parents and they raised me. And I said okay, well I've decided I've earned the right to do the same, after years of accepting it. Would you like me to start with your hair or your wardrobe? Dad's weight? What about your garden, which is a mess? Here, let me grab some paper, I will make a list of all your flaws so that I can review them with you in an organized manner.

My mom cottoned on immediately. My dad kind of blustered about it, but he has stopped complaining so much when they visit. They just had this idea that because they are my parents, they are entitled to nitpick and criticize me until their dying day, but the minute the tables were turned, they understood how incredibly annoying that is and how it makes you not want to spend time with that person anymore.

So I recommend this strategy. Start calling them by their first names, or even better, nickname versions of their first names that are demeaning or diminutive. Like if your dad's name is Charlies, start calling him Chuckles just to see how it goes.

13:55 here. I like you.

Different poster. I am glad this worked for you. My mom can dish it but cannot take it at all. She would throw a rage fit if I did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you call them by their given names? Not mom and dad. If they say they earned their right to call you what you dislike, you address them not as their child but as someone in a transactional relationship with them.

I think this is a good approach.

Recently I told my parents that it bothers me that when they visit my home, they openly criticize and judge my home and family in ways I know they would NEVER do with anyone else, including other members of their family (their siblings and nieces and nephews). My mom, in particular, is unfailingly polite with everyone else, but she will walk into my house and start criticizing and complaining immediately.

My mom replied that they have "earned the right" to criticize like this because they are my parents and they raised me. And I said okay, well I've decided I've earned the right to do the same, after years of accepting it. Would you like me to start with your hair or your wardrobe? Dad's weight? What about your garden, which is a mess? Here, let me grab some paper, I will make a list of all your flaws so that I can review them with you in an organized manner.

My mom cottoned on immediately. My dad kind of blustered about it, but he has stopped complaining so much when they visit. They just had this idea that because they are my parents, they are entitled to nitpick and criticize me until their dying day, but the minute the tables were turned, they understood how incredibly annoying that is and how it makes you not want to spend time with that person anymore.

So I recommend this strategy. Start calling them by their first names, or even better, nickname versions of their first names that are demeaning or diminutive. Like if your dad's name is Charlies, start calling him Chuckles just to see how it goes.

13:55 here. I like you.

Different poster. I am glad this worked for you. My mom can dish it but cannot take it at all. She would throw a rage fit if I did this.

Then you walk away and let her know that when she is ready to interact like adults who are equals, you are ready.

Some parents have no idea how to have adult relationships with their kids, where there is no power differential. You have to show them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you call them by their given names? Not mom and dad. If they say they earned their right to call you what you dislike, you address them not as their child but as someone in a transactional relationship with them.

I think this is a good approach.

Recently I told my parents that it bothers me that when they visit my home, they openly criticize and judge my home and family in ways I know they would NEVER do with anyone else, including other members of their family (their siblings and nieces and nephews). My mom, in particular, is unfailingly polite with everyone else, but she will walk into my house and start criticizing and complaining immediately.

My mom replied that they have "earned the right" to criticize like this because they are my parents and they raised me. And I said okay, well I've decided I've earned the right to do the same, after years of accepting it. Would you like me to start with your hair or your wardrobe? Dad's weight? What about your garden, which is a mess? Here, let me grab some paper, I will make a list of all your flaws so that I can review them with you in an organized manner.

My mom cottoned on immediately. My dad kind of blustered about it, but he has stopped complaining so much when they visit. They just had this idea that because they are my parents, they are entitled to nitpick and criticize me until their dying day, but the minute the tables were turned, they understood how incredibly annoying that is and how it makes you not want to spend time with that person anymore.

So I recommend this strategy. Start calling them by their first names, or even better, nickname versions of their first names that are demeaning or diminutive. Like if your dad's name is Charlies, start calling him Chuckles just to see how it goes.

My parents refused to stop calling me by a mean embarrassing family nickname so I named my dog after my father. Told him I had no idea why he was offended.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Constant micro-disrespect from parents leads to a predictable lack of attentive care for them in their old age.

You’ll probably arrange some type of care because you’re a decent human being.

But beyond that, are you going to feel guilty about not visiting often? Not paying for extras?

Heck no. You’ll be living your better life, well away from their toxicity.

This is what they get.

[Anonymous]

End all communication. Dissolve your relationship with them.