Adult child making stupid decisions

[Anonymous]

Your child is an adult, OP. It's their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bigger kids, bigger problems. It is exhausting.

They are adults time to cut the cord and if they are married they are their spouse’s problems now.

[Anonymous]

What hurts? You gave us no details and now everyone is just projecting.

[Anonymous]

Is OP Lauren Bobo?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm back bc my child is causing another crisis. I don't know what to say that would protect her privacy but give enough detail.

Basically, anxiety and bad decisions resulting from anxiety could cost her her nascent career. The anxiety is being treated but it isn't under control. If she kept a level head she would be in a good place in life, but if she loses her job there won't be another professional path for her that she says she would be interested in doing.

Basically, she is on track to do something awesome but is risking everything by freaking out and threatening not to deliver at the last minute. At the same time, she says she has to be interested in what she does and I worry she would sink (back) into serious depression if she had to do something less inherently interesting to her. Obviously, most people don't have dream jobs, and this isn't a reasonable position to take. But there it is. See above. Not reasonable.

She has ADHD and I've seen her try to do work she didn't like. It was like pulling teeth. I don't think she would be able to keep an easier job with her risky behavior, either.

This just hurts. Obviously there isn't much I can do. But it hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back bc my child is causing another crisis. I don't know what to say that would protect her privacy but give enough detail.

Basically, anxiety and bad decisions resulting from anxiety could cost her her nascent career. The anxiety is being treated but it isn't under control. If she kept a level head she would be in a good place in life, but if she loses her job there won't be another professional path for her that she says she would be interested in doing.

Basically, she is on track to do something awesome but is risking everything by freaking out and threatening not to deliver at the last minute. At the same time, she says she has to be interested in what she does and I worry she would sink (back) into serious depression if she had to do something less inherently interesting to her. Obviously, most people don't have dream jobs, and this isn't a reasonable position to take. But there it is. See above. Not reasonable.

She has ADHD and I've seen her try to do work she didn't like. It was like pulling teeth. I don't think she would be able to keep an easier job with her risky behavior, either.

This just hurts. Obviously there isn't much I can do. But it hurts.

She has ADHD with the co- morbidity of anxiety.
She is not making stupid decisions, she is doing the best she can having to deal with the different way her brain works.
Is she being treated for the ADHD?
If she is not addressing the executive skills challenge of ADHD then she is going to keep going in circles. And of course she wants the perfect fit because part of ADHD is that their nervous system is primarily motivated by things that interest them.
You cannot live her life for her but you can encourage her to get into therapy if she is not already and address the parts of her issues that are not being adequately treated.
Mom you need to learn more about the issues your kid faces. You are expecting her brain to work the way that yours does, that’s what is unreasonable.
I have a young adult struggling with both those things. It can be a long road but she had to be open to getting help, not longer struggling and you have to realize that she is doing the best she can with where she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No snark here, but are they living at home? Did they work high school and college summers?

Yes.
Yes.

Are these the right answers, or wrong answers, or what…?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. It’s frustrating to see them so close to their goal & possibly throwing it away - been there.

It is her life, & God willing, it will be a long one. Try to have faith that there is no black & white, 1 right path/1 wrong path dynamic. The path may wind a bit, but she’ll mature & figure it out as she needs to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back bc my child is causing another crisis. I don't know what to say that would protect her privacy but give enough detail.

Basically, anxiety and bad decisions resulting from anxiety could cost her her nascent career. The anxiety is being treated but it isn't under control. If she kept a level head she would be in a good place in life, but if she loses her job there won't be another professional path for her that she says she would be interested in doing.

Basically, she is on track to do something awesome but is risking everything by freaking out and threatening not to deliver at the last minute. At the same time, she says she has to be interested in what she does and I worry she would sink (back) into serious depression if she had to do something less inherently interesting to her. Obviously, most people don't have dream jobs, and this isn't a reasonable position to take. But there it is. See above. Not reasonable.

She has ADHD and I've seen her try to do work she didn't like. It was like pulling teeth. I don't think she would be able to keep an easier job with her risky behavior, either.

This just hurts. Obviously there isn't much I can do. But it hurts.

She has ADHD with the co- morbidity of anxiety.
She is not making stupid decisions, she is doing the best she can having to deal with the different way her brain works.
Is she being treated for the ADHD?
If she is not addressing the executive skills challenge of ADHD then she is going to keep going in circles. And of course she wants the perfect fit because part of ADHD is that their nervous system is primarily motivated by things that interest them.
You cannot live her life for her but you can encourage her to get into therapy if she is not already and address the parts of her issues that are not being adequately treated.
Mom you need to learn more about the issues your kid faces. You are expecting her brain to work the way that yours does, that’s what is unreasonable.
I have a young adult struggling with both those things. It can be a long road but she had to be open to getting help, not longer struggling and you have to realize that she is doing the best she can with where she is.

OP again. You are very wise and I appreciate your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. It’s frustrating to see them so close to their goal & possibly throwing it away - been there.

It is her life, & God willing, it will be a long one. Try to have faith that there is no black & white, 1 right path/1 wrong path dynamic. The path may wind a bit, but she’ll mature & figure it out as she needs to.

Thank you. I appreciate the chance to vent here and your commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hurts.

I hear ya. Hope more good than bad days.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya.