When your kid's friends make a follow request

[Anonymous]

I follow and am followed by several of my 14yo DD's friends on Instagram. These are also kids I know in person, have over for sleepovers, drive around to the mall, etc.

My personal rules are:

1) I don't initiate requests, only accept them and follow back.
2) I don't talk to their parents about stuff I see on Instagram - I would break this rule for a safety issue, but I have not encountered any safety issues
3) I don't share anything on my own account that would be embarrassing for my daughter beyond the usual mom-cringe factor - e.g., no naked baby pictures, no naked me pictures, etc.

Other than that, it kind of feels like the kid equivalent of when I was a teenager and had certain friends whose parents I liked more than my own/other parents. I'm well aware that there are other Instagram accounts (I also have other Instagram accounts) and that I'm not getting the complete picture, but I think it's a positive sign that they want to be connected and share ANYTHING. If it's part of a broader teenager scam to make parents think they're sweet, so be it. I still think their cute little photo ops at the mall are cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not be friends on social media with my child's friend.

+1. So weird to be linked on SM with kids friends.

[Anonymous]

I might accept one (my kids are too young to have friends who have insta accounts so the situation hasn’t arisen yet) but that’s because my insta account is not a personal one — it’s entirely pictures of knitting projects I’m working on. If I posted stuff about my own life or my kids there, I might allow it but put them on a filter list so they didn’t see anything even slightly private.

[Anonymous]

No. If I want to see what’s going on I check my kids phone.

[Anonymous]

Totally creepy to follow.

What reason would there be for this other than for an over-the-top nosy/competitive parent, the weird desperate need-to-be-the-cool parent (still creepy nosy), or more unsavory scenario? It's inappropriate to follow minors and I also agree with the volunteer stance mentioned by a pp - if only for the parent's protection.

[Anonymous]

No, I ignore and delete.

[Anonymous]

For my 8th grader no. For my 16 yo I do have a few added that I’ve also then followed back. But I don’t use insta much and my daughter doesn’t either. The dynamic is a little different at 16 than 13 and the kids are a lot friendlier with me vs parental I guess. But again I don’t use instagram much, just a cute pic every once in awhile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally creepy to follow.

What reason would there be for this other than for an over-the-top nosy/competitive parent, the weird desperate need-to-be-the-cool parent (still creepy nosy), or more unsavory scenario? It's inappropriate to follow minors and I also agree with the volunteer stance mentioned by a pp - if only for the parent's protection.

I just posted above. If they follow me I have followed back bc seems rude not to lol. I don’t seek out following them. It’s usually only a few kids who do this and if you look at their page they follow lots of other parents of their friends and basically everyone they’ve ever met.

[Anonymous]

Sure. One of DD's friends actually messaged me and asked me to like her posts. So I do. I never comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I follow and am followed by several of my 14yo DD's friends on Instagram. These are also kids I know in person, have over for sleepovers, drive around to the mall, etc.

My personal rules are:

1) I don't initiate requests, only accept them and follow back.
2) I don't talk to their parents about stuff I see on Instagram - I would break this rule for a safety issue, but I have not encountered any safety issues
3) I don't share anything on my own account that would be embarrassing for my daughter beyond the usual mom-cringe factor - e.g., no naked baby pictures, no naked me pictures, etc.

Other than that, it kind of feels like the kid equivalent of when I was a teenager and had certain friends whose parents I liked more than my own/other parents. I'm well aware that there are other Instagram accounts (I also have other Instagram accounts) and that I'm not getting the complete picture, but I think it's a positive sign that they want to be connected and share ANYTHING. If it's part of a broader teenager scam to make parents think they're sweet, so be it. I still think their cute little photo ops at the mall are cute.

I use the same rules for my kid’s friends. The first time one of them requested to follow me, I asked my daughter (15) about it. She thought it was sweet and we agreed I’d follow, like posts but never comment. I’ve known a lot of her friends since they were in early elementary school so it seems fine to accept the requests when I’ve known them for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I follow and am followed by several of my 14yo DD's friends on Instagram. These are also kids I know in person, have over for sleepovers, drive around to the mall, etc.

My personal rules are:

1) I don't initiate requests, only accept them and follow back.
2) I don't talk to their parents about stuff I see on Instagram - I would break this rule for a safety issue, but I have not encountered any safety issues
3) I don't share anything on my own account that would be embarrassing for my daughter beyond the usual mom-cringe factor - e.g., no naked baby pictures, no naked me pictures, etc.

Other than that, it kind of feels like the kid equivalent of when I was a teenager and had certain friends whose parents I liked more than my own/other parents. I'm well aware that there are other Instagram accounts (I also have other Instagram accounts) and that I'm not getting the complete picture, but I think it's a positive sign that they want to be connected and share ANYTHING. If it's part of a broader teenager scam to make parents think they're sweet, so be it. I still think their cute little photo ops at the mall are cute.

This is me almost exactly except my kid is 17 and all his friends made requests this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I am involved in a sport and that is against our SafeSport rules, so I figure it’s probably a good rule to follow in life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Incredible timing on this post…like others, I never initiate but will accept their requests. Just now my daughter’s boyfriend of 6 months just sent me a request from his private account. He’s with our family a lot so it’s not too unexpected but I am a bit hesitant to accept it. Open to other’s thoughts on this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, after asking my kids, I accept their friends’ requests if they say ok.

Sometimes I’ll then ask my kid if I can follow that friend back. But often I don’t bother.

But I NEVER initiate or make the first follow request with my kids’ friends. That seems inappropriate for sure.

Finally, I don’t actually post anything on Instagram myself. I just use it to follow a few sports teams, see cute animal videos, and keep an eye on my DCs’ posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Incredible timing on this post…like others, I never initiate but will accept their requests. Just now my daughter’s boyfriend of 6 months just sent me a request from his private account. He’s with our family a lot so it’s not too unexpected but I am a bit hesitant to accept it. Open to other’s thoughts on this.

I say yes. If he’s making the request, I see it as a sign of comfort and connection - kind of the normal thing this generation does when they meet people.

Just to be sure, I’d ask DD what she thinks. (And between us parents, be prepared to ask DD if you should unfollow him if/when they break up.)