Sick 3 year old “spat” on new sibling on purpose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 yo has a cough and cold and we have been telling her not to go near to their new sibling so avoid spreading the virus.

Today, 3 yo wanted attention while I was feeding the baby, and went up to baby and “sprayed” him with some spit. Not actually spitting but spraying him with her saliva on purpose.

What is an appropriate consequence for this? 3 yo seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

OP we experienced this with our first when we had our second. She was extremely jealous of her sibling and purposefully would try pushing her off my lap. Best thing to do is to immediately tell your three year old that we do not spit and remove her from the "scene of the crime." Otherwise try to shower her with some love, attention and alone time. Like many things in parenting, this too will pass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 yo has a cough and cold and we have been telling her not to go near to their new sibling so avoid spreading the virus.

Today, 3 yo wanted attention while I was feeding the baby, and went up to baby and “sprayed” him with some spit. Not actually spitting but spraying him with her saliva on purpose.

What is an appropriate consequence for this? 3 yo seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

Nothing. It's your fault! She is three and suddenly you bring home a tiny creature that takes all your attention and she doesn't understand why she is no longer the alpha being in the house. You should have prepared her. Also, it is stupid to tell her to stay away from new or so she doesn't spread the virus because the virus is already all over the house. Instead of punishing her, which will ensure she hates the new baby, give her some love and attention and stop ignoring her.

[Anonymous]

So do you cuddle your sick toddler wearing a mask and then shower and change clothes before tending to the baby? If not, you're spreading germs. You handled this poorly

[Anonymous]

I see this a lot on here— a parent suddenly thinks that their 2/3/4 year old is a totally mature and grown up kid once an infant comes home. They’re not. They’re still very little, and they’re now seeing a sibling get a ton more attention. It’s normal for them to feel stressed/jealous about this. They deserve your attention and patience, too.

This particular incident seems like a non-issue to me. Your kid doesn’t understand germ theory. They’re 3. They were told not to do something and they did it to get your attention. That’s it. The bigger deal you make, the more they’re going to act out.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t you with the baby a ton? So staying away from baby means staying away from you?

New baby gets daycare germs. It has been thus since time immemorial. New baby will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3 yo has a cough and cold and we have been telling her not to go near to their new sibling so avoid spreading the virus.

Today, 3 yo wanted attention while I was feeding the baby, and went up to baby and “sprayed” him with some spit. Not actually spitting but spraying him with her saliva on purpose.

What is an appropriate consequence for this? 3 yo seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

She knew she was disobeying you, yes. She does not understand viral transmission or germ theory.

Preschoolers want your attention, and bringing home a new baby is always challenging. Add in that your daughter is under the weather and likely needier for that: you need to take a step back from thinking of her as the "big sister who should know better" and remember she's also your baby who doesn't feel good. An appropriate consequence is a three minute time out for disobeying you, and then some dedicated cuddling so she feels loved.

This! WTF, OP?! Your preschooler is sick and your only concern demonstrated to her is "don't get my new replacement baby sick!!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The consequence should’ve been immediate— no more playing whatever she was playing at that time, no favorite book/toy for the rest of the day.

I’d let it go now. She’s 3 and wants attention— it’s not malice.

Maybe, but we really do not know. Hopefully, the 3 year old child will not repeat this type of behavior. If repeated, then a cild therapist should be consulted if you--the parent--feel unable to stop this type of behavior.

What?! You need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ugh, oldest siblings suck

Are you my narcissistic younger brother?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t rise to that bait, just stay super calm and say something like “if you want my attention, come touch my arm. It’s not nice or safe to spit near the baby.”

But, my personal three year old would have major guilt about this. So I wouldn’t need to pile on. I’d probably suggest/help her make amends when the rage had passed. Idk how maybe something like changing the baby’s clothes and putting them in the laundry to wash away the spit.

I wouldn’t do a big harsh consequence about this, personally, because the goal was attention.

[Anonymous]

A rare DCUM occurrence, OP, 100% agreement that this is on you.

[Anonymous]

Any non-immediate consequence is stupid. She’s 3 not 13!

I promise that she will not connect whatever punishment you come up with to her behavior. It will be another way that mommy is being mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see this a lot on here— a parent suddenly thinks that their 2/3/4 year old is a totally mature and grown up kid once an infant comes home. They’re not. They’re still very little, and they’re now seeing a sibling get a ton more attention. It’s normal for them to feel stressed/jealous about this. They deserve your attention and patience, too.

This particular incident seems like a non-issue to me. Your kid doesn’t understand germ theory. They’re 3. They were told not to do something and they did it to get your attention. That’s it. The bigger deal you make, the more they’re going to act out.

+1

I would go step further and not tell them to stay away. Your infant is exposed to the germs anyway, so no need to create another barrier between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ugh, oldest siblings suck

Are you my narcissistic younger brother?

NP. Maybe he is MY narcissistic younger brother.

[Anonymous]

The 3 year old clearly needs you to be paying more attention to her.

[Anonymous]

I told this story to DH and we both giggled. She is jealous! Give her love and attention.