"I'm terrible at names"

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I have been working with some of the same people for 5-10 years, I talk to them daily, and I have to keep a list of their names on a piece of paper so when we are in meetings I can glance at it instead of forgetting their names when I call on them. (Zoom is great--I can hover over their square!) And I couldn't tell you their last names for the life of me. If there are two people whose names start with the same letter I am doomed. Also sometimes I get the wrong name stuck in my head (like someone's name is Chris but for some reason I think its Tim) and then every time I see them I'm like "It's Chris, no wait, it's Tim, no that's the wrong one, its really Chris, no, you're getting it mixed up, Tim is the right one, Chris is the wrong one" and eventually I give up and just go with "hey you."

I am a vice president at a major professional services firm.

[Anonymous]

I’m a 53 year old menopausal attorney who used to keep the critical facts of 150+ criminal cases in a filing box in my brain, and I was very, very good at recalling pertinent facts that other attorneys on the cases couldn’t.

Then I went through menopause, as well as suffering for half a decade with an undiagnosed chronic vitamin deficiency that caused serious neurological deficits. I’m mostly recovered, but my brain doesn’t work the same as it used to.

I recently started working with kids in a before and after school program and I’m hopeless at remembering all their names - 30-40 kids in a room running around playing, screaming, crying, fighting. Their faces are becoming familiar and I know the names of a few of them, but after a week of interacting with them daily, I couldn’t tell you the names of most of them - only the ones who are the worst behaved who the other staff are constantly yelling at to stop fighting stop doing that stop breaking that rule stop running on the tables etc.

I suspect OP is relatively young and hasn’t yet met the joyful reality of the changing brain, which has much more wisdom and compassion than his/hers, but is much worse at little details like names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1
This is a perfect visual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I AM terrible at names. It's a handicap that's can't be fixed by repeating the name several times in my head. YOU are not terrible at names if all you need to do is that. You think those of us with that handicap haven't thought of that? Do you also think people with autism and ADHD, or dementia, or whatever else, could just cure themselves if they were as smart as you?

Sometimes you have to announce your disability so people are warned in advance.

Dumbass.

Wow it's like when 10 people tell me they are "terrible at names" in a row, they must ALL be disabled. I'm clearly not talking about people like you, you're an a-hole for reasons other than forgetting my name.

Why can't you just move on from this?

[Anonymous]

I say I'm terrible at names because I don't want to get too heavy and say I had a brain tumor. Maybe just people the benefit of the doubt and they have their reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 53 year old menopausal attorney who used to keep the critical facts of 150+ criminal cases in a filing box in my brain, and I was very, very good at recalling pertinent facts that other attorneys on the cases couldn’t.

Then I went through menopause, as well as suffering for half a decade with an undiagnosed chronic vitamin deficiency that caused serious neurological deficits. I’m mostly recovered, but my brain doesn’t work the same as it used to.

I recently started working with kids in a before and after school program and I’m hopeless at remembering all their names - 30-40 kids in a room running around playing, screaming, crying, fighting. Their faces are becoming familiar and I know the names of a few of them, but after a week of interacting with them daily, I couldn’t tell you the names of most of them - only the ones who are the worst behaved who the other staff are constantly yelling at to stop fighting stop doing that stop breaking that rule stop running on the tables etc.

I suspect OP is relatively young and hasn’t yet met the joyful reality of the changing brain, which has much more wisdom and compassion than his/hers, but is much worse at little details like names.

May I ask what your vitamin deficiency was?

[Anonymous]

My menopausal brain is too busy wreaking havoc to remember your name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an ableist mentality. Just get over yourself.

Jesus, you people are incessant. OP, I'm with you - it is incredibly rude to basically say, "there's no point in this exercise, I'm not going to remember you." That's the rude part. Even if it's true, you absolutely don't have to say it.

I have trouble placing people and remembering names all the time, so I've just had to come up with strategies to address it; like making sure my husband always is in front of me so he can introduce himself and figure out names for me.

This has nothing to do with disabilities, it's just basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an ableist mentality. Just get over yourself.

Jesus, you people are incessant. OP, I'm with you - it is incredibly rude to basically say, "there's no point in this exercise, I'm not going to remember you." That's the rude part. Even if it's true, you absolutely don't have to say it.

I have trouble placing people and remembering names all the time, so I've just had to come up with strategies to address it; like making sure my husband always is in front of me so he can introduce himself and figure out names for me.

This has nothing to do with disabilities, it's just basic manners.

will you read what you just wrote? you can't do it so you have your husband do it. ffs.

[Anonymous]

A smile, a pleasant greeting, lots of things in the future matter more than remembering a name. Using the forgot-their-name as an excuse to work to avoid someone is rude.

[Anonymous]

If this many people can't remember your name its because you're boring and not worth remembering

[Anonymous]

I always tell people I'm terrible at names, because it's something I can say right at the beginning of a conversation, to make sure people like OP never bother me again.

[Anonymous]

Whenever I meet someone new, I ask their name first.
And then I say "hey, me too!"
Next time I see them, I ask "what's my name?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell my chemo/menopause brain “it’s a choice.”

I just like to let people know it’s not because I’m forgetting them in particular, just that my recall of their name will be tenuous at best.

+1