My impossible coworker who made life hell, really was mentally ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a boss with severe mental illness. I ended up leaving for another role as I was so traumatised from it. She is still there causing havoc. Still makes me feel upset how awful it was even though I left three years ago. I also really loved the job before she came my boss.

This is the issue with mentally ill coworkers. The company/firm/whatever tiptoes around them, and fails to warn those on their team. But god forbid one day it is too late, and that mentally ill coworker snaps. I think (short of firing them, which is likely the best option) people at the top need to take control, even if it means WFH for either the mentally ill coworker or the target/s. There needs to be space created, so that the team is shielded and safe.

[Anonymous]

Yes! I had a coworker who had borderline personality disorder. She would lash out at me at completely inappropriate times and often in front of others. I never got mad. I would just respond very calmly and logically to her. I am a very logical/analytical person and while I understand there are psychiatric disorders; I don’t want to deal with coworkers who have them and ended up finding another job. Life it too short and I don’t get paid enough to put up with that crap.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you, OP. I got a job in DC at a large, well-respected Association and found out within days that my boss had serious issues. There were just 5 of us on the team and she would only speak to me. She completely froze out the other team members via the silent treatment. It also became clear that she was treating me like "the good colleague" compared to the other team members. It was so bizarre!

Things got even worse as time went on. In week two I learned that she couldn't use **Microsoft Word** and would get enraged if anyone asked her to send something via Word.

I left after 6 months when I was 3 months pregnant because I couldn't take it anymore. Everyone else on the team was also gone within 9 months. I just looked and she's still there. I don't get it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be grateful that this person isn't your spouse, or your parent or child or close family member. It has hopefully given you some empathy for how hard it is for the people who live with mental illness and the people around them. It sucks. No excuse for some of her behavior but recognize that some of this is mental illness.

OP here. I appreciate all the posts. Yes, I definitely feel for the family members. Having been through angry mean dementia with my MIL who was quite challenging before that, I do have a sense of how hard it is to get the person proper help and be the target of wrath. I could never manage a marriage with what I dealt with from my coworker and I can see how it would be hard to leave someone so hostile and having kids and being forever tied would be heck on earth if the person was not getting proper treatment.

I guess I wish I knew back then. I wish our supervisor didn't gaslight me and would have shown some empathy for me and switched me or let her know it was time to get help. I would not have wasted so much time wondering what is wrong with me and how I caused this and why few people saw what I saw.

[Anonymous]

My mom was OP’s colleague. She terrorized her coworkers and never got mental health help because she’s not “crazy” (spoiler alert: yes she is). The only silver lining is that time my mother spent terrorizing other people was less time spent terrorizing me. So just think of it that way, OP, maybe you are saving some poor kids from this person’s wrath.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't this in the Jobs board?

[Anonymous]

You sound like you have a large amount of empathy OP which most people wouldn’t in your situation.

Good on you for understanding her condition & having residual anger is 💯% understandable in your case.

I would thank God that you got away from that toxic work environment + are now presumably happier!

I think it is despicable how your boss gaslit you.
I wonder if there is anything that you can do now so that he/she doesn’t abuse their power on anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I just need to get this out. My heart goes out to anyone struggling and I applaud getting help, but I am processing this. I had a coworker make my life a living hell when we had to work on a project together. I was polite and professional and turned to email for any important communication so there were no misunderstandings and would have others check email to make sure it was kind and professional. She would make these paranoid accusations and even when I showed the emails, the boss (a family friend of coworker's mother) would gaslight me. She had scary mood swings and I was made to feel like I set it off even though I was making myself physically sick always trying to be calm and respectful. I got called into meetings over her dramatic meltdowns blaming me for things I didn't do. I asked to be put on a different project and I was told I had to learn to make it work. I ended up looking for other jobs, but I saw a therapist until I left and for the transition to a new job because it was so draining. I also consulted a lawyer about the situation both to keep things amicable until I left, and also to leave in the most professional way possible. So this woman cost me a lot of money as well as just completely draining me and the worst part was the gaslighting from above.

Well a former coworker clued me in that this woman was finally let go and publicly posts on social media somewhat of a diary of her mental health struggles. I read it for my own closure. She has experienced many psychiatric emergencies over the years. It has been a struggle to find the right anti-psychotic and antidepressant and she has been spiraling more often recently. I really do have empathy, but I also have resentment that she blamed me for her emotional struggles at work when I was not doing anything to her and our supervisor was useless and made me feel like I was somehow causing the problem even there was no evidence. I will get over it and I don't wish these kinds of struggles on anyone. Maybe I wish she had gone for help sooner and now I know it wasn't personal, but I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn't leave because there was this elephant in the room and you couldn't do anything. I know it's not something she chose.

I may take this down. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Yes and she was Africa American and she filed a discrimination complaint against me. My boss was terrified of her and I was fired. I sued company and sued her separately. I won.

In your case, I would see a lawyer to see if you have a case against them.