Do we all possess "Red Flags"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your family history (or anything else) does not excuse any inappropriate behaviors. Nothing substitutes getting adequate professional help and adequate prescription/s, at the very least.

OP here. I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say but I'll take stab at what you're possibly implying. I don't have anything in my family history or anything else that is causing inappropriate behaviors, nor do I need professional help or/or medication. I was simply posing a question which was really more philosophical and introspective. I'm not hiding anything nor skirting any issues, or hinting that I might be a mentally ill. You went really far with this one.

Why would you be posting this qwuestion, if you were not trying to excuse certain behavior/s?

Whuh? Sorry I'm not going to take your bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and no. DH and I both have things that I know would be red flags for some people but they just work for us. It is nothing major, inapprke, or bad, just personality quirks I know some people wouldn't be able to deal with long term.

This is me, and I think it's most people. Your red flags just have to be compatible with your friends' and SO's red flags.

Good points you both make. I guess what red flags I do have don't seem so blatant because DH and I are well matched and understand each other's reactions to things, most of the time. As I mentioned in my original post, I believe in God but am not religious. Maybe that is a red flag to some who believe that one cannot exist without the other also being there. Or maybe my belief in God is actually a red flag to some.

[Anonymous]

IMO the term "red flag" is pretty serious, like inability to hold down a job, abusive, etc.

However, everyone has signals for their traits and behaviors. People need to pay attention to these signals to find compatible people. There are certain signals that I've learned indicate someone who I can't be friends with. These people might be fine for others, but not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO the term "red flag" is pretty serious, like inability to hold down a job, abusive, etc.

However, everyone has signals for their traits and behaviors. People need to pay attention to these signals to find compatible people. There are certain signals that I've learned indicate someone who I can't be friends with. These people might be fine for others, but not for me.

Exactly. There is a big difference between a red flag and just being incompatible.

[Anonymous]

A huge red flag is finding it hard to believe you've got red flags.

None of us are perfect, nobody got perfect parents, none of us have had perfect lives. To cope, we've all picked up some maladaptive behaviors. Those are your red flags. They're not necessarily dealbreakers; you can go to therapy and do your personal work to manage/address them.

But thinking you don't have any, or that that's even possible? MASSIVE red flag.

[Anonymous]

Sure we all have them because everyone's got their own issues. I deeply, DEEPLY, hate cats. So someone having a cat is an orange flag and someone having three or more is a complete red flag and I won't go in their home. They could be an otherwise lovely person. And conversely, someone might think anyone who doesn't love cats is an unloving flawed human.

I met someone who said once that anyone who adopts kids is psychologically flawed and is adopting to heal something in themselves and using that adopted kid for their own issues. She didn't know one of my kids is adopted.

When I was dating, any guy who watched sports every weekend was a red flag to me. Any guy whose apartment was messy but shrugged it off with "Hey, I'm a guy!" was a red flag.

[Anonymous]

No body is perfect. If that's a "Red Flag", then we all have them.