Are your kids helpful?
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Anonymous
| Totally normal in my house. If kids do their chores without a fight, that’s a win in my book. |
Anonymous
| Your h has a character flaw. |
Anonymous
| Helpful only in public. His room is a mess though. |
Anonymous
| My mom is a lot like your DH and someone with super high expectations thinks everyone else will notice and conform to those expectations. Your kids not helping unprompted is typical - it’s actually awesome that they do their assigned chores w/o nagging - but it may be exacerbated if your DH has standards far off from what most people would find appropriate. My mom thinks her place is s mess if there’s a piece of fluff on the carpet and some mail on the counter. I grew up with these standards and it was hard because a lot of what she wants addressed I didn’t even notice. I’m not a slob either as an adult. I like a clean house but there are degrees. |
Anonymous
| My kids do their chores, but rarely rarely go above and beyond like your dh (and my dh!) expect them to. It’s completely normal. |
Anonymous
| My 14 year old will do his chores and do me a favor if I ask but he would rarely proactively help. |
Anonymous
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Not to get meta on them, but can one of their assigned chores be a daily “notice and do”?
Have them keep a list of what they do each day— it can help them understand how much it takes to keep a house running. Also maybe this way you won’t be the only one dealing with icky stuff in the fridge or the leftover ketchup packets from last night’s takeout |
Anonymous
| Same. They'll do their assigned chore and pick up specific things if ask. But won't think to clear the random towel on the floor or socks on the stairs. |
Anonymous
| My kids do nothing. They leave dishes all over their rooms. It drives the staff nuts! |
Anonymous
How ghastly! |
Anonymous
| I'm the parent and I ignore the piles sometimes. I let their rooms be their rooms. I only ask that they don't bring food in it. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, why would they choose to be helpful? Willingly.
Did they clean up toys and room when they were younger for no reason? Nope Why is it going to change now. If you want to potentially change that, put up extra chores with a monetary value on it. No clothes on bedroom floor for a week $10 Clean baseboards $20 Clean your own bed sheets/cover $10 Organize garage $50 Make a complete Sunday dinner including dishes $30 They are making money and you are losing money but it makes them more aware of their surroundings and how long some tasks actually take. Keeping things clean etc. Positive reinforcement. |
Anonymous
| They became more helpful in high school than they were in middle school. My youngest is now a high school senior and he does the lawn work (we pay him $40 for our yard which is 1/4 acre) and also empties/loads the dishwasher, cooks dinners about twice a week, bakes desserts on request (maybe every other week) and just other general help. He does not receive an allowance, he just does those things as a member of the family. |
Anonymous
+1 same here. We are so far from your baseline. They think everything I require is a suggestion or up for negotiation. I often don’t even ask because it’s not worth the fight and I choose my battles. |
Anonymous
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That's totally normal behavior in our house. My 13 year old will walk through, over, or around crap on the floor if not asked specifically to pick it up. But he will clean anything willingly upon first request.
Lately I've started saying things like, "Huh. You probably wouldn't have tripped over those shoes if they weren't all over the floor" or "Ouch - I'm so sorry you hit your head! Maybe you should close cabinets instead of leaving them all open?" It is always said with humor and kindness. My kid laughs at himself and takes care of the mess, *if* I say something. If I don't, he just keeps on trucking along. I think it is a teen-brain thing. He wasn't ever sloppy, but now it is like he needs re-training on basic home survival. |