Don't return engagement ring?

[Anonymous]

If he bought it with your credit card keep it, otherwise you give it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you two aren’t getting married, you give the ring back. That is how a judge will always rule.

Not true. State law varies on this.

+1 Plus, the water gets muddied if the engagement ring was also given as a gift for another occasion (birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas).

The general rule is that it is a gift in anticipation of marriage. So the “gift” is conditioned on marriage and can be revoked.

If you can prove it was just a regular gift or your state follows a different rule than you can keep it.

I read about this last time it was mentioned. It's a very complicated area of law, because of the changing attitudes over time, and engagement being a semi-legalistic common law activity.

The snow shoveling law discussed recently is similar, where behaviors that are mandatory in some states are tortious liabilities in other states. And now abortion law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you two aren’t getting married, you give the ring back. That is how a judge will always rule.

Not true. State law varies on this.

+1 Plus, the water gets muddied if the engagement ring was also given as a gift for another occasion (birthday, Valentine’s Day, Christmas).

The general rule is that it is a gift in anticipation of marriage. So the “gift” is conditioned on marriage and can be revoked.

If you can prove it was just a regular gift or your state follows a different rule than you can keep it.

I read about this last time it was mentioned. It's a very complicated area of law, because of the changing attitudes over time, and engagement being a semi-legalistic common law activity.

The snow shoveling law discussed recently is similar, where behaviors that are mandatory in some states are tortious liabilities in other states. And now abortion law.

Yep, this. It's not the absolute rule that some PPs above are trying to claim. The state you're in, and which of you (giver or recipient) broke off the engagement, can make a big difference in whether or not, legally, it must be returned to the giver. This details how the law around engagement rings is not simply black-and-white: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/returning-engagement-ring-30198.html#

That said, on an emotional level, if the giver does not ask for it to be returned, some recipients will want to return it anyway (why keep the symbol and have it around to see, even years later, to remind you of a painful time?). But other recipients may decide to sell it -- yes, even at a loss compared to what was paid for it.

[Anonymous]

Morally wrong to hang on to it IMO. Give it back. The marriage isn’t happening.

[Anonymous]

If he knocked you up you can hock it for diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you were cheated on or wronged in a similar way, it’s incredibly tacky to keep the ring. Have some dignity.

This. It just looks spiteful and avaricious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When is it appropriate to refuse to return an engagement ring if the man called it off? What circumstances warrant this?

It is NEVER okay to keep an engagement ring - ever. The only reason a women would keep it is because of greed. The engagement ring is meant for the women a man is to MARRY. If the marriage is off then the ring is returned to the man. End of story. There is zero good reason to keep it besides greed.

[Anonymous]

Sorry folks, I kept it.

We dated for two years. It was lovely. Then he proposed and I moved in with him, and it all fell apart while he gas lit me for a year and cheated, serially. I saw things dissolving, asked that we sit and talk, untangle things, do it the right way, etc. (which obviously would have involved giving the ring back). I was sincere, genuinely loved him, and was willing to make it work, or move on. One or the other.

Nope. He refused, insisted I was crazy, and dragged everything out, including lying in counseling which was my last pre-marital resort at conflict resolution. The day I found allll the evidence on his phone was the day I kicked him out, to his great protests, denials, and apologies. When he asked for the ring back I laughed in his face. He whined, "it was a conditional gift!".

"Yes it was", I said. "Yes, it was".

This man took almost three years of my life (between dating, engagement, and ending). I was willing to work it out or walk away like a normal human, and he couldn't do either. He can make that money back. I don't get those three years back. It's now in a drawer, can be made into other jewelry, can be donated to charity, or can get thrown into the Potomac. I haven't decided. And I don't have to.

I had enough. You play, you pay.

[Anonymous]

Very tacky to keep engagement rings, and may not hold up if someone tried to actually sue for it.

I've even heard about women trying to keep family heirlooms! How crass.

[Anonymous]

There are an abundance of law review articles on the topic as it's a fun research topic for 20-something law students. State law varies, opinions vary, and it's fun to debate. Personally, I'd give it back unless he cheated or did something else egregious, in which case I'd let the dust settle then sell it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry folks, I kept it.

he was a jerk, but you sound like a catch

[Anonymous]

Take the high road and give it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry folks, I kept it.

he was a jerk, but you sound like a catch

I am, that's why I showed him the door. There was no chance I did not give this man to communicate and be honest. The natural consequences of his actions are on him. It isn't complicated.

[Anonymous]

he was a jerk, but you sound like a catch

I am, that's why I showed him the door. There was no chance I did not give this man to communicate and be honest. The natural consequences of his actions are on him. It isn't complicated.

[Anonymous]

Unless you’re a gold digger why would you want to keep the ring?