When your kid is friends with kid whose mom is kind of crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this other mom hasn't done anything specific that you can point to as being a problem, but you just get a vibe from her that she seems high strung? And as a result you are worried about interacting with her and need advice on how to handle it because your kids are in the same 1st grade class and attend one sport together?

How can I break this gently? Um -- you are the one who is "high strung" and a little bit crazy.

This is a non-problem. Sounds like you two are not friend material (totally fine, you don't have to be friends with your kid's friend's parents). You handle this by learning her name, saying hello and making polite small talk when you see her, supporting your kids' friendship but not inviting this woman out for coffee or to your family's Thanksgiving since you guys don't "vibe" or whatever. The end.

Next year your kid will have a different friend whose mom you think is "crazy". What is actually happening here is that these are just people who exist and you are reacting perhaps a little too strongly to being in their general vicinity. I think you probably have some social anxiety issues.

She began the season by texting the team chat a bunch of times for what were honestly non issues to me. I do have anxiety myself and could see internally thinking of some of the things she raised but would never have msged every single parent on the chat. There are a couple examples like that and she seems to have singled me and another kid’s mom out. Not negatively but maybe our kids are the ones her kid said are friends? I don’t know why.

That’s why I said high strung and kind of crazy, but I don’t think there’s anything really egregious I can point to yet.

Fixed that for you. That she doesn't do it the way you would doesn't make her "crazy" and suggesting it does makes you both ableist (crazy is a slur, btw) and a jerk. Take your own meds, see your own therapist about it, and try not to judge so harshly simply because people aren't all exactly like you.

This. It sounds like she might be more intense than I am personally. But that doesn't make her crazy and it's super judgy to view her as a problem based on this. Sometimes it's the parents who raise a lot of issues and are generally more intense who get useful things done. I absolutely have a few parents like this in my general parent-friend roster and while they are different from me, I view that as a *good* thing -- it takes all kinds.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids in question are in 1st grade. They are in a team sport together and in the same school class so no avoiding the other mom. I don’t know her well and the kid seems nice enough, but the mom seems kind of, I don’t know, high strung? She hasn’t done anything too crazy, but I’m getting the early vibes.

How have you handled this? I’m a very polite person and will not ignore or be rude to people…

You’re such a batch. My god.

[Anonymous]

So the issue is that OP is high-strung and massively insecure, and worries that being around someone else who -might- be almost as off as she is will illuminate OP’s many and manifest weaknesses to others. Pretty pathetic, OP.

[Anonymous]

The mom of one of DS' friends has a personality I just struggle to handle in long doses. She's high strung but also has that over the top personality as well. Hard to describe. Anyways, I'm polite and will interact with her at games and get togethers, but we will never be close. They met in second grade so play dates and the like were already drop off.

Just be polite and don't close her out because your personalities don't mix. You don't have to become her best friend too, but there is no reason to be standoffish either.

[Anonymous]

The answer is always boundaries. High strung is easy to deal with. Offer to have the kid over to take them out of her hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm like this other mom. Trust me, I know I am high strung and can be off putting. There is a lot going on at home that you don't know about, and I am struggling. So I keep my distance, and other moms think I seem standoffish.

There is just no winning around here.

+1

This is me as well. I’m really struggling with some things (my mom died earlier this year after a long battle with cancer , am having some marital issues, etc) and am aware that I seem tense/sad and give off a bad vibe. People can sense it. I try to keep my distance a bit but then end up seeming unfriendly. My kids are great and I’d hate to see them miss out on friendships due to people not liking me! You never know what is going on with people.

[Anonymous]

Every time I talk with my kid’s friend’s parent, they complain about their kids.

Every time.

I avoid them now, but very politely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The answer is always boundaries. High strung is easy to deal with. Offer to have the kid over to take them out of her hair.

+1 on boundaries. We are talking about first grade here. Do not do play dates. Have the kids play limited to school/sports. There is no need for you to be chatty with mom. Say your hellos and be pleasant but do not engage.

I had a similar situation, with a mom of DC’s little friend. Mom seemed very strange and off putting, but I made the mistake of trying to be friendly with her. Plus, I didn’t want to punish a little kid for having a weird mom. We did a few play dates (maybe two or three, nothing crazy) and we’d chat when we’d see each other at school events, etc. Mom went full blown Single White Woman the following year, when DC no longer wanted to be friends with her kid. Mom kept sending me crazy texts about how I had to make our kids friends again. (DC didn’t want to be friends anymore because her kid was so bossy and domineering.) It was bizarre.

Don’t listen to PPs who aren’t in the situation. Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why the mom's personality matters to you. It's your kid's friend. You don't have to be friends with the mom. You can be polite, but you don't have to talk to her. Bring a book or scroll your phone at practice. Be engaged in the games. Why does this even matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the mom's personality matters to you. It's your kid's friend. You don't have to be friends with the mom. You can be polite, but you don't have to talk to her. Bring a book or scroll your phone at practice. Be engaged in the games. Why does this even matter?

I’m guessing the other mom is super pushy and lacking in basic boundaries. Sending a ton of messages on the team chat for a first grade sports team points to that. She’s probably pushing herself on OP because their kids our friends. OP probably has boundary issues, too, and doesn’t know how to disengage without feeling rude.