Lawyers - how much do you give for presents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

It's not "your finances." It's an expense related to his business. It is literally a business expense. He is showing appreciation for his employees. That can be necessary if you want them to help you at 5am the day of a trial when your exhibits are all messed up. Or whatever.

Seriously. You say you work. So ... mind your business. Yours. Not his.

Ugh. This is why we female lawyers talk about "the wives" with such contempt.

Op - well he has never written this off as a business expense. I can ask him to talk to our accountant about this.

We talk about anything we spend more than like $500. So when he gives $2000 away he tells me.

I get it - we are fortunate to be in this position. It just seems like a lot to maintain. What happens when he has a bad year? Does he need to keep up with the same bonuses every year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

It's not "your finances." It's an expense related to his business. It is literally a business expense. He is showing appreciation for his employees. That can be necessary if you want them to help you at 5am the day of a trial when your exhibits are all messed up. Or whatever.

Seriously. You say you work. So ... mind your business. Yours. Not his.

Ugh. This is why we female lawyers talk about "the wives" with such contempt.

Op - well he has never written this off as a business expense. I can ask him to talk to our accountant about this.

We talk about anything we spend more than like $500. So when he gives $2000 away he tells me.

I get it - we are fortunate to be in this position. It just seems like a lot to maintain. What happens when he has a bad year? Does he need to keep up with the same bonuses every year?

You shouldn't brag about handling your household finances if after years of making $125k in just one spouse's bonus, not to mention salaries, you are sweating the idea of a $2k obligation.

[Anonymous]

I work for a nonprofit and don’t have assistance, so nothing. But I was giving $500 as a junior associate back in 2005, so $1k seems cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

It's not "your finances." It's an expense related to his business. It is literally a business expense. He is showing appreciation for his employees. That can be necessary if you want them to help you at 5am the day of a trial when your exhibits are all messed up. Or whatever.

Seriously. You say you work. So ... mind your business. Yours. Not his.

Ugh. This is why we female lawyers talk about "the wives" with such contempt.

Op - well he has never written this off as a business expense. I can ask him to talk to our accountant about this.

We talk about anything we spend more than like $500. So when he gives $2000 away he tells me.

I get it - we are fortunate to be in this position. It just seems like a lot to maintain. What happens when he has a bad year? Does he need to keep up with the same bonuses every year?

This is very expected expense. Don’t cheap out on your assistants. He needs to do this every year, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for a nonprofit and don’t have assistance, so nothing. But I was giving $500 as a junior associate back in 2005, so $1k seems cheap.

+1. This is how much I was giving as a junior associate at around the same time (when I was making about $135K all-in). I spoke to other people, and was basically told that was the norm. Your husband is probably making at least $500K, and you really think $1K to his secretary is a problem?

[Anonymous]

That's on the low end. You sound very miserly.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a troll. A good assistant is worth their weight in gold and “the wives” know that.

[Anonymous]

When I was in big law, associates contributed $1000 each to gift to legal assistant, and I suspect the partners gave more. This was 6 years ago in DC. Now I’m in government and give $100 to my legal assistant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - why would I stay out of it? I manage our finances. All of our money is join.

I work too so it’s not like I am not contributing to our finances.

It's not "your finances." It's an expense related to his business. It is literally a business expense. He is showing appreciation for his employees. That can be necessary if you want them to help you at 5am the day of a trial when your exhibits are all messed up. Or whatever.

Seriously. You say you work. So ... mind your business. Yours. Not his.

Ugh. This is why we female lawyers talk about "the wives" with such contempt.

Op - well he has never written this off as a business expense. I can ask him to talk to our accountant about this.

We talk about anything we spend more than like $500. So when he gives $2000 away he tells me.

I get it - we are fortunate to be in this position. It just seems like a lot to maintain. What happens when he has a bad year? Does he need to keep up with the same bonuses every year?

You shouldn't brag about handling your household finances if after years of making $125k in just one spouse's bonus, not to mention salaries, you are sweating the idea of a $2k obligation.

+1 you really don't sound like you know anything, OP

[Anonymous]

Are his legal assistant and secretary shared with 2+ more people? If not, I'd agree with the others that the amount is actually low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in big law, associates contributed $1000 each to gift to legal assistant, and I suspect the partners gave more. This was 6 years ago in DC. Now I’m in government and give $100 to my legal assistant.

I think I gave my assistant $100 as an associate. She didn't do anything for us other than entering time which was fine, I didn't need admin support. We had a separate word processing group which was incredibly valuable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To your secretary and legal assistant? How much is your bonus?

My DH always has been very very generous to his secretary and legal assistant but since he became partner feels like he has to do even more. He gives $1000 to his secretary AND legal assistant. That seems over to top to me but he said a lot of partners are very generous at the holidays.

FWIW his bonus is usually $100-125k a year

But based on his bonus this does not seem generous at all. The amount your DH gives to those that support him every single workday is extremely low and if I were his wife, I'd be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are his legal assistant and secretary shared with 2+ more people? If not, I'd agree with the others that the amount is actually low.

Op - yes I believe his secretary and legal assistant support 8-10 people. So it’s not a one on one sort of support.

I am not sure what they do for him. He does his own time that I do know.

Anyway I will take away from this thread that is an appropriate amount for a shared secretary and legal assistant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate this gift-giving culture. It generates such self-doubt, shame, guilt, envy and resentment.

Gift-expecting and economic inequality does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are his legal assistant and secretary shared with 2+ more people? If not, I'd agree with the others that the amount is actually low.

Op - yes I believe his secretary and legal assistant support 8-10 people. So it’s not a one on one sort of support.

I am not sure what they do for him. He does his own time that I do know.

Anyway I will take away from this thread that is an appropriate amount for a shared secretary and legal assistant.

"Shared" is a tricky concept. I posted above that I gave $500 to my secretary as a first-year associate in 2005. I probably occupied about 2% of her time, if that. She was "shared" by many attorneys, but I think one partner took at least 75% of her time and was very demanding. Giving $500 did seem strange to me (again, this was 2005, and my total comp was $135K), but I was afraid of looking cheap. In an ideal world, we would have given gifts in proportion to the amount of her time that we occupied, but sadly I don't think that's really the way it works.