Just back-burnered my career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So maybe I'm an a*hole, but if your mom is not mentally there, why did you turn down this opportunity?

Yes you are a ahole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So maybe I'm an a*hole, but if your mom is not mentally there, why did you turn down this opportunity?

Yes you are a ahole.

No they are not.
It's a valid question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So maybe I'm an a*hole, but if your mom is not mentally there, why did you turn down this opportunity?

Yes you are a ahole.

Perhaps some people love their mothers and wish to spend valuable time with them.

[Anonymous]

You will never wish you had worked more. You will wish that you had more time with your mom.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

This is the OP. I love my mom and even though she isn’t there some of the time some of the time she is. That is worth it enough for me. I’m not wealthy but she has the means to pay for her care so I don’t have to shoulder that burden.

For the person asking why I’m bothering. She’s my mom and she doesn’t have anyone else to take care of her. My dad is gone and my brother is on the other side of the country. I can’t just let her languish alone. Even though this situation is just horrible for me it’s so much worse for her. It took me a long time to come to terms with the changes but now I can look at her dementia like any other disease- it isn’t her fault, if she had a choice this would be the last thing she’d choose for herself and for me, she doesn’t want to be a burden but man this disease requires a lot of care.

Her personality changes started awhile back. I’d say she’s stage 5 creeping quickly into stage 6. And as of this morning when I came over to help her prep for a PT eval she was naked on the floor and couldn’t tell anyone how she got there. We got her onto the couch where she fell asleep and as soon as she wakes I know I’m going to have to call an ambulance- prior to falling asleep she wanted to use the rest room but was in too much pain to stand up. Pretty sure she fell and hurt herself but I’m going to let her sleep because I think it’s going to be a very long day or two or three. So this is my life for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

100%

At some point it won’t require the day to day right? Because they’ll be far gone enough to not know one way or the other how often someone has visited or for how long, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

100%

At some point it won’t require the day to day right? Because they’ll be far gone enough to not know one way or the other how often someone has visited or for how long, correct?

Right. But at that point the adult child has already killed their career.

[Anonymous]

Op, bosses are people too! They have families and stresses. Suffer tragedies unknown to you and can draw on some compassion. Your career future is something you can't see now but it's wrong to jump to the conclusion that you know your career future is bleak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

100%

At some point it won’t require the day to day right? Because they’ll be far gone enough to not know one way or the other how often someone has visited or for how long, correct?

Yes and because of this is when they need the most support. They need an advocate at their most vulnerable period. Apparently you hate hearing this but it is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people are assuming your mom might have a year or 2 left and that you are wealthy enough for sayings like "you will never wish you had worked more. You will wish you had more time with your mom." Be prepared that they can live a very long time in an ever-worsening state and there could be some scary personality changes.

This is the OP. I love my mom and even though she isn’t there some of the time some of the time she is. That is worth it enough for me. I’m not wealthy but she has the means to pay for her care so I don’t have to shoulder that burden.

For the person asking why I’m bothering. She’s my mom and she doesn’t have anyone else to take care of her. My dad is gone and my brother is on the other side of the country. I can’t just let her languish alone. Even though this situation is just horrible for me it’s so much worse for her. It took me a long time to come to terms with the changes but now I can look at her dementia like any other disease- it isn’t her fault, if she had a choice this would be the last thing she’d choose for herself and for me, she doesn’t want to be a burden but man this disease requires a lot of care.

Her personality changes started awhile back. I’d say she’s stage 5 creeping quickly into stage 6. And as of this morning when I came over to help her prep for a PT eval she was naked on the floor and couldn’t tell anyone how she got there. We got her onto the couch where she fell asleep and as soon as she wakes I know I’m going to have to call an ambulance- prior to falling asleep she wanted to use the rest room but was in too much pain to stand up. Pretty sure she fell and hurt herself but I’m going to let her sleep because I think it’s going to be a very long day or two or three. So this is my life for now.

Your mom needs more care and supervision now. This will be a long road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I’m pretty sad about it. I had to turn down a pretty great opportunity career-wise because I know I don’t have the resources to give it my best. I’m currently visiting my mom who has dementia twice a week in assisted living, and she’s declining pretty rapidly. I know I’m going to have to move her to memory care sooner than later and she’s been having some physical issues that are going to need attention. The new role is more demanding and stressful than my current role with less flexibility. It’s the first time in my career I’ve had to choose my personal life and it’s hard. I was even able to raise my kids and get them launched without too much impact on my professional trajectory. I know this is the right thing for me at this time, but it’s hard. I just came to have myself a little pity party.

It’s ok. Work is highly overrated and unimportant in the great scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

OP I’ve back burnered my career for the last 15 years as a result of having a disabled child. So I get how disappointing it is to have to temper your ambition. I do think you’re doing what’s right for your mom and that’s important. You might be surprised that you’ll be able to ramp up your career at some point like a PP suggested. Do what you think is right. Nothing is forever.

[Anonymous]

OP, you will cherish more time with your mom and I am sure she deeply appreciates your help and support. You made the right decision.