Being and SN Parent is Lonely AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. I think it's especially hard if you have a "difficult" child with special needs. Mine has behavioral issues and it is hard not to feel judged even by other special needs parents at times. Few of my friends, even ones with kids who have other special needs, can relate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I think it's especially hard if you have a "difficult" child with special needs. Mine has behavioral issues and it is hard not to feel judged even by other special needs parents at times. Few of my friends, even ones with kids who have other special needs, can relate.

Different PP with a "difficult" SN child and I agree with this, though I think any type of SN parenting can be lonely. My child has the types of behaviors others are referring to when they say "At least my child doesn't..." and it's hard not to feel ashamed. I keep reminding myself that we are doing the best we can by our child and am trying to nurture friendships outside of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I think it's especially hard if you have a "difficult" child with special needs. Mine has behavioral issues and it is hard not to feel judged even by other special needs parents at times. Few of my friends, even ones with kids who have other special needs, can relate.

+1 Same situation here. Finding other parents with similar kids and situations can be super helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

This made me laugh because I'm not a particularly religious person and have joined a church since we got a diagnosis... I guess maybe there is something to this, although I also believe you can find support elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to find an adhd support group in the fairfax area. Any leads? I often feel isolated and like i have to fake it with my friends with NT kids. It would be so nice to have even one person who actually gets it to talk to.

What age is DC?

8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

This made me laugh because I'm not a particularly religious person and have joined a church since we got a diagnosis... I guess maybe there is something to this, although I also believe you can find support elsewhere.

Interesting and I wish there were more talk about this…I was born into a different faith and have been considering a Church for sometime now give my husband is Christian (not particularly religious or part of any sect) but feel like we need to ground ourselves even more after the DX.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

Lol No!! I have been a church goer my entire life. We sent our kids to the school attached to our church. They could not handle my sons adhd and made him out to be the bad kid. I was excluded from parent groups because my kid was wild. Ive never felt more judged and it stung extra hard because youd think its a place that would accept all of gods creation. We have received so so so much more support in a public school and have stopped attending mass altogether because of the way we felt through the school. Im glad your experience is different but i would never offer this advice. So often faith communities are blind to those with differences. They have narrow boxes that kids belong in. This is not the place to turn for understanding of mental disabilities.

I will say growing up my church was very supportive of kids with physical disabilities. I recall volunteering for the classes that helped watch disabled kids while parents were attending services. My own parents babysat for other families with disabled kids often. But stuff like anxiety or adhd or ocd.... no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to find an adhd support group in the fairfax area. Any leads? I often feel isolated and like i have to fake it with my friends with NT kids. It would be so nice to have even one person who actually gets it to talk to.

What age is DC?

8

My kids are way older, but there's a CHADD parent group meetup for Western Fairfax/Burke on 12/21. Contact the meetup host for more info.
https://www.meetup.com/novachadd/
Full disclosure, I'm not a member of the group but a quick search led me to this and it looked promising.

[Anonymous]

Nova parents- there are a couple Facebook groups you can use to get leads on virtual and in-person support groups. Fairfax County SEPTA (parents in all nova counties can post questions), parents of autistic children nova, and the arc of northern virginia.

[Anonymous]

Dan Shapiro at Parent Child Journey also has a free support group for parents online on most Mondays.

Social Grace in Arlington has a free support group for parents once a month.

Stepping Stones at In Step in Merrifield has a parent education component while the kids are in group. It functions like a support group.

NAMI has a great parent support group if there is a behavioral aspect. It’s the most nonjudgmental group I have come across , especially for older kids and teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

Lol No!! I have been a church goer my entire life. We sent our kids to the school attached to our church. They could not handle my sons adhd and made him out to be the bad kid. I was excluded from parent groups because my kid was wild. Ive never felt more judged and it stung extra hard because youd think its a place that would accept all of gods creation. We have received so so so much more support in a public school and have stopped attending mass altogether because of the way we felt through the school. Im glad your experience is different but i would never offer this advice. So often faith communities are blind to those with differences. They have narrow boxes that kids belong in. This is not the place to turn for understanding of mental disabilities.

I will say growing up my church was very supportive of kids with physical disabilities. I recall volunteering for the classes that helped watch disabled kids while parents were attending services. My own parents babysat for other families with disabled kids often. But stuff like anxiety or adhd or ocd.... no.

It sounds like your DC needed more support to be successful in a stimulating large group. I’m sorry that wasn’t available to you. We visited a church with a whole sensory room for autistic kids and another that had congregants volunteer as one-on-ones. I hope you find more churches like your mom’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. I’ve been there too. If it’s any consolation, things got better for us and are way better in middle school than in elementary school. Still rough, but better.

As an aside, my husband is traveling for work and is currently stuck at the Amsterdam airport. He keeps texting to complain, and all I can think is “of course it sucks and things are delayed - it’s f-ing Holland!”

Okay, that was funny! Not a big fan of the Holland story and agree with OP- it is very lonely! However, once you find a couple of people who get it, they will be your people and will help you there’s the ebbs and flows. You don’t need many, just 1 or 2. Look for people at therapy or activities and try to strike up conversations. Many others are just as lonely and would be thrilled if you made a connection (I sound like a dating service!).

Agree with what you say! One or two people who get it can make a real difference. Curious about why you are not a fan of the Holland story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any support for nova parents? I was once directed to a FB group but there was really no depth to it.

The thread about joining a church was on target. There really is no such thing as a solid support group that is secular.

I was the OP of this thread. Compounding this issue is the painful diminishment of youth programming at our previously vibrant UU church. Unitarian is about as close to you can get to a secular support group. It's hard times these days at a community we've invested over 25 years in supporting (and lots of $$.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. I think it's especially hard if you have a "difficult" child with special needs. Mine has behavioral issues and it is hard not to feel judged even by other special needs parents at times. Few of my friends, even ones with kids who have other special needs, can relate.

+1