middle school and pronouns/identity

[Anonymous]

theyfabs

[Anonymous]

My kid is in middle school at a small private school that goes through 8th. The last two classes that graduated had a lot of kids who identified with a different gender or used gender neutral pronouns. I don't see that in the current middle school grades. In my kid's 6th grade class all the kids identify with their biological genders and use those pronouns. I don't know if that reflects anything wider going on but just my observation from my small sample size. We do know a few kids from the neighborhood/sports who experimented with their gender identity in late elementary. All but one kid is back to using their biological gender in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Observation from my own DD, who is now 20...
She had a lot of alternative and quirky friends in HS, was thing to be they/them or they/she. She changed her own pronouns to they/she, and told me she was a lesbian. Then in college she started to meet guys and date men, changed her pronouns back to she/her, (all through instagram btw, she never explicity told me her pronouns) and never mentioned the lesbian thing again. Leads me to believe it is in fact a bit of a ms/hs fad.

[Anonymous]

Entirely anecdotal, but there also seems to have been a big surge of gender identity questioning a couple of years ago that has died down. That's when my then-elementary schooler's teachers were talking about it in class and a friend's sixth grader went to outdoor school with her grade and they had an entire cabin for gender neutral students.

This year my daughter went to sixth grade outdoor school and they had no student who identified as gender neutral, so just boys and girls cabins. And the former sixth grader who is now an eighth grader reports that most of her classmates are back to she/he identities.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are no longer talking about as much anymore. noticed my 10th grader isn't talking about it as much.

[Anonymous]

I only have two kids so not a lot to compare. It was a huge topic of conversation when my now 10th grader was in 6th-8th, mostly with the girls. Now that he’s in 10th he says it’s not really a thing anymore and most no longer consider themselves lbqtq+.

I also have a current 7th grader, who says this is not a big topic of conversation in middle school currently.

[Anonymous]

Why are you asking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entirely anecdotal, but there also seems to have been a big surge of gender identity questioning a couple of years ago that has died down. That's when my then-elementary schooler's teachers were talking about it in class and a friend's sixth grader went to outdoor school with her grade and they had an entire cabin for gender neutral students.

This year my daughter went to sixth grade outdoor school and they had no student who identified as gender neutral, so just boys and girls cabins. And the former sixth grader who is now an eighth grader reports that most of her classmates are back to she/he identities.

If you checked the teens and tweens board two or three years ago, there were many, many more posts about pronouns and gender stuff. Even the LGBTQIA+ Issues and Relationship Discussion board isn't that active anymore. And i like to follow that board (gay brother.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ones who aren’t serious/are attention-seeking grow out of it by 8th and you are just left with the ones who truly feel this way. At one point in 6th, I think a quarter of the girls were claiming to be lesbian, trans, bi or non binary. Many of them were faking.

This is true. It becomes less fashionable.

The ones that were doing it for attention have realized that none of their peers really care.

"You want to go by she/her? Sure, whatever. I'll call you that"

is a WAY different response than

"OMG, EVERYONE STOP! We are now calling Billy, Bella, and she now uses she and her. Bella, you are so brave and we won't let those close-minded bigots stop you from living YOUR TRUTH. We love you"

The lack of attention/oxygen naturally causes it to become less trendy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 6th and 7th grade, it seemed like talk of pronouns and declarations of identity (trans, pan, bi, demi) were very common in my kid's circle. Now that 8th grade has begun, I'm not hearing it is much. In so much as this might be called a trend (and I realize for some kids it's not a trend), is this becoming less common among middle schoolers, or maybe just among older middle schoolers? Any middle school teachers care to weigh in?

It’s no longer needed since trump lost the election.

[Anonymous]

For a very small minority, it is an actual issue. For most kids, it is a fad. In my opinion, as long as you don’t make a big deal about it, the truth will sift. If you do make a big deal, it can cause huge confusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

Sixth graders have always thought about their sexuality.

But gender identity is not the same thing as sexual identity.

Gender is not sexuality as others have said. Attention seeking parents? Please… it’s TikTok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a fad for some. For some it is a true identity and they keep with it. Those kids need a lot more support because they have a trans identity and it can be a hard journey.

I do think there is a bit of a shift away, like pronouns are seen as a bit drama. Kids will now use “they/them” as a way to describe a drama queen. As in, “Julie’s a they/them,” said with an eyeroll, to express that Julie is a handful or hard to get along with.

Yikes!
I would try to discourage this as it sounds like it’s morphing into a pejorative slur in much the same way “that’s so gay” was used by kids to describe something dumb or out of fashion that a peer was doing.
And then a gay teen who hears peers using that expression equates being gay with disapproval of his friends when they aren’t even referencing his sexuality at all.

Same with “she’s a they/them” being used to express “she’s too much drama”…
I get that this makes sense to a teen’s brain, but it’s still insensitive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s disturbing to think of sixth graders thinking of their sexuality at all in any serious way. If they are I assume it is being pushed onto them by their attention seeking parents.

Is thinking about being a man or woman, to you, thinking about your sexuality? For me, thinking about being a woman and thinking about being straight are two different trains of thought.

Also, have you been in a middle school recently? Sixth graders are eleven and twelve. It's prime time for hormones galore. Sorry to break it to you but many are thinking about sex.

I have a sixth grader (and older and younger kids FWIW). It is absolutely creepy that you are encouraging 11 and 12 year olds to think about whether they are gay or straight or bisexual. My youngest child tells us he wants to marry his best friend (a boy). That doesn’t mean he’s gay, it means he’s a kid. (And don’t get me wrong, maybe he is gay. But kids, including pre pubescent 11 year olds, don’t really understand what that means yet.)

And my daughter is thinking about the fact that she is female and will eventually be a woman, because middle school is prime time for menstruation to start. Sorry to break it to you, but no matter how much you try to convince your daughter she is really a boy, nature will surely disabuse her of that notion soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It appears that there is an uptick in MS but then the talk may go by the wayside in HS. I have a 9th grader and it doesn't appear to be a "thing" anymore. The kids who were in the thick of switching in MS either switched back or stayed consistent and, either way, it's not a relevant topic of discussion for the kids. My 6th grader reports that it's a topic of discussion for a number of girls he knows.

this has been my experience with my 9th and 7th graders as well.