Social interactions - does anyone else feel like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two types of people: Question Askers and Statement Makers.

I'm a question asker, because it shifts any focus off me and onto the other person.

But some people are statement makers - and honestly, I do appreciate it because you can say some outrageous things to get information out of others. It also means I need to think about my values and defend them.

Stop taking offence for things that don't matter. Share when you want to share and need to share!

I don't think people fall neatly into two camps, and I frankly think it is rude to only be one or the other. It is also rude to be the kind of person who gives one word answers and makes social interactions feel like awkward job interviews. People with social graces will do a combination of asking questions and making affirmative statements, sharing and asking. Unfortunately, this is becoming more and more of a lost art, especially it seems in the DC area. COVID, WFH, screens have all made this worse. And unfortunately, a lot of people around here coddle and/or ignore their kids and fail to teach them the socializing skills that would make them pleasant company.

[Anonymous]

I try really hard to be a thoughtful friend, neighbor. If you tell me you're excited about your trip to Aruba, then I'll remember that and the next time I see you I'll ask "How was Aruba?" I feel like other people don't do that. like if I'm leaving town to look after my mom who is having surgery, it's kind of nice if you then ask the person how their mother's surgery went. Sometimes I feel like no one sees me at all or cares what happens to me.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard to strike the balance. I sometimes feel like I'm being peppered with questions and don't feel like I have time to answer the questions and also ask my own. Other times it seems like the other person is kind of tight lipped and it makes me less inclined to ask questions because it feels like I'm invading their privacy or something.

In the past few months, I've had both experiences. I also can think of other conversations with a good back and forth. My interpretation is that parents are kind of stressed and sometimes overwhelmed, and conversational skills are not at their best. Mine probably aren't either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two types of people: Question Askers and Statement Makers.

I'm a question asker, because it shifts any focus off me and onto the other person.

But some people are statement makers - and honestly, I do appreciate it because you can say some outrageous things to get information out of others. It also means I need to think about my values and defend them.

Stop taking offence for things that don't matter. Share when you want to share and need to share!

I am more of a Statement Maker, but largely because I don't love being asked questions and therefore don't ask other people that many questions. But I don't say outrageous things. I'll say stuff like this:

"We're still figuring out which day's we'll be at Dave's mom's for Thanksgiving. What about you guys?"

"I feel like 2nd grade has been more relaxed that the last couple years, now that the kids are fully acclimated to school. What's your experience like?"

I feel like this is a good balance because it lets people know where I stand but then pivots back to them so they can talk. A little about me, a little about you. Also, this way if you run into someone who just likes to talk, you've basically forced them to get to know you a bit better by volunteering info about yourself. And my questions are open ended enough that if someone wants to be vague or change the subject, it's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it happens almost universally across settings and people, it might be something you bring to the interaction. That doesn't mean that you're uninteresting - I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Do you have a sense for how interested these people are in talking? Sometimes people just aren't up for conversation and so won't try to further it. I read the room before an interaction and if the person doesn't seem genuinely interested in engaging, I leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol I do that too and hardly anyone ever asks about me. There are a few people who do, or will ask “how about you? Do you have any plans for the winter break?” After I ask and we can go back and forth and have an actual conversation. I truly do think a lot of people are just kind of bad conversationalists at best, self absorbed at worst.

This. Most people are socially awkward and weird. They are relieved someone is making conversation if it’s a social event, but don’t necessarily know how to keep it going. I read that with the pandemic and screens, younger generations are also getting less sociable.