If you tell someone you need to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, when it's your boss, either you bend a little, and absorb some rudeness, or you get laid off. You can try to pick your way through a middle ground, and protect some boundaries, but it will get dicey with superiors who are very stressed out, or just jerks.

You should never be rude yourself. You must always be the adult in the room when you need to interact with superiors. The boss felt you were rude. It's not about hanging up, so don't get fixated on that.

Op here. She was rude not me. I told her I didn't like how she was talking to me and that I had to go. The conversation we had was very brief and two minutes later she sent a message that I was "expected" to come into the office on a day I don't work because I think up on her. There is no HR at this company and within 2 minutes she was able to arrange a meeting with the owner / CEO of the non-profit. None of this has been the norm at any of my jobs.

See what I said before: you tried to establish a boundary, and she thought you were rude. The middle ground did not work with this one. She's trying to terrorize you with this upcoming meeting with the CEO, and this should tell you two things:
1. She's a crappy manager who cannot manage without making threats.
2. She has a relationship with the CEO and that's why she's still in place and won't get fired.

Which means... that if you're not fired tomorrow, you should find another job pronto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, when it's your boss, either you bend a little, and absorb some rudeness, or you get laid off. You can try to pick your way through a middle ground, and protect some boundaries, but it will get dicey with superiors who are very stressed out, or just jerks.

You should never be rude yourself. You must always be the adult in the room when you need to interact with superiors. The boss felt you were rude. It's not about hanging up, so don't get fixated on that.

Op here. She was rude not me. I told her I didn't like how she was talking to me and that I had to go. The conversation we had was very brief and two minutes later she sent a message that I was "expected" to come into the office on a day I don't work because I think up on her. There is no HR at this company and within 2 minutes she was able to arrange a meeting with the owner / CEO of the non-profit. None of this has been the norm at any of my jobs.

See what I said before: you tried to establish a boundary, and she thought you were rude. The middle ground did not work with this one. She's trying to terrorize you with this upcoming meeting with the CEO, and this should tell you two things:
1. She's a crappy manager who cannot manage without making threats.
2. She has a relationship with the CEO and that's why she's still in place and won't get fired.

Which means... that if you're not fired tomorrow, you should find another job pronto.

Op here. I am not going to work tomorrow and that's another boundary I am making. I don't have childcare and it's not a day I agreed to work on. They can do a Zoom meeting if it's so pressing. The field I am in is always hiring. I have already started applying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, when it's your boss, either you bend a little, and absorb some rudeness, or you get laid off. You can try to pick your way through a middle ground, and protect some boundaries, but it will get dicey with superiors who are very stressed out, or just jerks.

You should never be rude yourself. You must always be the adult in the room when you need to interact with superiors. The boss felt you were rude. It's not about hanging up, so don't get fixated on that.

Op here. She was rude not me. I told her I didn't like how she was talking to me and that I had to go. The conversation we had was very brief and two minutes later she sent a message that I was "expected" to come into the office on a day I don't work because I think up on her. There is no HR at this company and within 2 minutes she was able to arrange a meeting with the owner / CEO of the non-profit. None of this has been the norm at any of my jobs.

See what I said before: you tried to establish a boundary, and she thought you were rude. The middle ground did not work with this one. She's trying to terrorize you with this upcoming meeting with the CEO, and this should tell you two things:
1. She's a crappy manager who cannot manage without making threats.
2. She has a relationship with the CEO and that's why she's still in place and won't get fired.

Which means... that if you're not fired tomorrow, you should find another job pronto.

Op here. I am not going to work tomorrow and that's another boundary I am making. I don't have childcare and it's not a day I agreed to work on. They can do a Zoom meeting if it's so pressing. The field I am in is always hiring. I have already started applying.

Sounds like that’s for the best.

[Anonymous]

Op I did this and posted about it a few months ago, but ended up deleting the thread because I got flamed so badly.

In my case, it was a man and he was raising his voice at me and he was my grandboss. I said twice that I had to go and he didn’t stop yelling so I left the zoom.

I’ve been in my job for 5 years and never had a single problem. But essentially from that instant forward, things have gone terribly for me at work and I know they want to fire me but they can’t (government).

I feel pretty stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one because my life has been a lot worse at work since the hang up, and also, I simply cannot be in a job where I’m expected to let people raise their voices at me and attack me.

I’m looking but the market sucks right now. I’ve told myself I’m trying to get to Jan 2 and then I’m going to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I did this and posted about it a few months ago, but ended up deleting the thread because I got flamed so badly.

In my case, it was a man and he was raising his voice at me and he was my grandboss. I said twice that I had to go and he didn’t stop yelling so I left the zoom.

I’ve been in my job for 5 years and never had a single problem. But essentially from that instant forward, things have gone terribly for me at work and I know they want to fire me but they can’t (government).

I feel pretty stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one because my life has been a lot worse at work since the hang up, and also, I simply cannot be in a job where I’m expected to let people raise their voices at me and attack me.

I’m looking but the market sucks right now. I’ve told myself I’m trying to get to Jan 2 and then I’m going to quit.

Op here. I am so sorry you are going through this. My job is PT and we are planning to visit my family abroad in Jan for a month. They may not be okay with that much time off of work. If they fire me I will survive. Dh's job pays all of the important bills. They have high turnover.

[Anonymous]

My goodness. I would never act like you have.

[Anonymous]

I think saying "I am going to hang up now" or "I am going to go now" and then immediately doing so without waiting for a response is abruptly ending the call.

If they start talking to respond and you hang up it's murky.

If you don't explicitly say you are hanging up and say something like "I don't like the way you are speaking to me and I won't tolerate it" and hang up, that's hanging up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My goodness. I would never act like you have.

Op was at her house and she's an hourly employee. It was inappropriate for her supervisor to call her when she wasn't working. It was also hostile to demand a meeting on her day off with very little notice.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was picking up the phone on your day off. Been there/done that- don't do it.

I would have stated my hours several times and finished with 'let's talk when I am back at work. Bye now'. I wouldn't have engaged at that level because I would not have allowed myself to be defensive- just confused eg 'I'm sorry- I'm off today and at an appt right now'

I can't tell if they are calling you in for a disciplinary/because of an issue specifically or if it is because there are work issues that need to be hammered out, but you don't sound committed to the work for various reasons; it's not a fit.

If you don't need the pay- dump the job so you can enjoy holiday time before when you wanted to leave. If you need the pay, be contrite and pretend to agree/apologize and put in your notice when you like.

I can tell you that they may just remove you now if they are that concerned for your communication skills, being that you work so independently and that it is health care. They have to be sure that it is remaining professional and productive- not saying that THEY are- but as the bosses, they just need to be sure YOU are- even if they are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was picking up the phone on your day off. Been there/done that- don't do it.

I would have stated my hours several times and finished with 'let's talk when I am back at work. Bye now'. I wouldn't have engaged at that level because I would not have allowed myself to be defensive- just confused eg 'I'm sorry- I'm off today and at an appt right now'

I can't tell if they are calling you in for a disciplinary/because of an issue specifically or if it is because there are work issues that need to be hammered out, but you don't sound committed to the work for various reasons; it's not a fit.

If you don't need the pay- dump the job so you can enjoy holiday time before when you wanted to leave. If you need the pay, be contrite and pretend to agree/apologize and put in your notice when you like.

I can tell you that they may just remove you now if they are that concerned for your communication skills, being that you work so independently and that it is health care. They have to be sure that it is remaining professional and productive- not saying that THEY are- but as the bosses, they just need to be sure YOU are- even if they are jerks.

Op here. I have a lot of anger towards my work for valid reasons. I had to wait 5 weeks for my first paycheck. They failed to tell me training would be less than my hourly rate. They expect other hourly employees to work off the clock and those employees have told me they don't mind. I have asked several times if I need to work Thanksgiving weekend and they say they don't know but later I found out from the client that they will be staying with their family the entire week and that was planned out with our program weeks ago. They knew all of this information but what to keep me in the dark. There are other things but I do not go into that. The thing that bothered me is the supervisor was trying to punish me for asking for clarification about work protocols. I feel she wants me to have a warm body and not ask for details. Since each client has different needs it's not something I can look up. I am asking for help and she doesn't want to help. The training I had lasted for a few hours and half of that time I was in a car far away from the trainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was picking up the phone on your day off. Been there/done that- don't do it.

I would have stated my hours several times and finished with 'let's talk when I am back at work. Bye now'. I wouldn't have engaged at that level because I would not have allowed myself to be defensive- just confused eg 'I'm sorry- I'm off today and at an appt right now'

I can't tell if they are calling you in for a disciplinary/because of an issue specifically or if it is because there are work issues that need to be hammered out, but you don't sound committed to the work for various reasons; it's not a fit.

If you don't need the pay- dump the job so you can enjoy holiday time before when you wanted to leave. If you need the pay, be contrite and pretend to agree/apologize and put in your notice when you like.

I can tell you that they may just remove you now if they are that concerned for your communication skills, being that you work so independently and that it is health care. They have to be sure that it is remaining professional and productive- not saying that THEY are- but as the bosses, they just need to be sure YOU are- even if they are jerks.

Op here. I have a lot of anger towards my work for valid reasons. I had to wait 5 weeks for my first paycheck. They failed to tell me training would be less than my hourly rate. They expect other hourly employees to work off the clock and those employees have told me they don't mind. I have asked several times if I need to work Thanksgiving weekend and they say they don't know but later I found out from the client that they will be staying with their family the entire week and that was planned out with our program weeks ago. They knew all of this information but what to keep me in the dark. There are other things but I do not go into that. The thing that bothered me is the supervisor was trying to punish me for asking for clarification about work protocols. I feel she wants me to have a warm body and not ask for details. Since each client has different needs it's not something I can look up. I am asking for help and she doesn't want to help. The training I had lasted for a few hours and half of that time I was in a car far away from the trainer.

Op here. To clarify there were several days of training to do general stuff but I only met the client for 3 hours and that's the most important part of the job because that learning is very important. I tried for 2 weeks and they only paid $12 an hour! I also haven't been reimbursed for security clearances I was told I would be reimbursed for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was picking up the phone on your day off. Been there/done that- don't do it.

I would have stated my hours several times and finished with 'let's talk when I am back at work. Bye now'. I wouldn't have engaged at that level because I would not have allowed myself to be defensive- just confused eg 'I'm sorry- I'm off today and at an appt right now'

I can't tell if they are calling you in for a disciplinary/because of an issue specifically or if it is because there are work issues that need to be hammered out, but you don't sound committed to the work for various reasons; it's not a fit.

If you don't need the pay- dump the job so you can enjoy holiday time before when you wanted to leave. If you need the pay, be contrite and pretend to agree/apologize and put in your notice when you like.

I can tell you that they may just remove you now if they are that concerned for your communication skills, being that you work so independently and that it is health care. They have to be sure that it is remaining professional and productive- not saying that THEY are- but as the bosses, they just need to be sure YOU are- even if they are jerks.

Op here. I have a lot of anger towards my work for valid reasons. I had to wait 5 weeks for my first paycheck. They failed to tell me training would be less than my hourly rate. They expect other hourly employees to work off the clock and those employees have told me they don't mind. I have asked several times if I need to work Thanksgiving weekend and they say they don't know but later I found out from the client that they will be staying with their family the entire week and that was planned out with our program weeks ago. They knew all of this information but what to keep me in the dark. There are other things but I do not go into that. The thing that bothered me is the supervisor was trying to punish me for asking for clarification about work protocols. I feel she wants me to have a warm body and not ask for details. Since each client has different needs it's not something I can look up. I am asking for help and she doesn't want to help. The training I had lasted for a few hours and half of that time I was in a car far away from the trainer.

Op here. To clarify there were several days of training to do general stuff but I only met the client for 3 hours and that's the most important part of the job because that learning is very important. I tried for 2 weeks and they only paid $12 an hour! I also haven't been reimbursed for security clearances I was told I would be reimbursed for.

You need a new job asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:because you don't like the way they are speaking to them and then end the phone did you hang up on them? For me hanging up means ending the call without saying anything.

Yes, that is also how I define hanging up the phone 📞.

When you don’t let the person on the other end know you will be hanging up, then you just go ahead + do it.