Telling adult child to quit job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you were the one who pressured her into this job (in which case you should say sorry), stay out of it.

I'll bet that's it. OP wanted daughter to get a job because she was introverted, and is now complaining because the daughter is not available to her because of her schedule and going to bed early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, my daughter is not some amy schumer character in ”Trainwreck” or ”Snatched”
I just am helicoptering cant help it!

What are you even talking about????

And YES, you very much can help it! Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her how she feels, and mention alternatives she may not have considered. The hours and commute mean the job might be a net negative and she might be better off pursuing some education or training instead.

But she's mid 20s, so she must have already investigated education and career options, right?
Did she have some disability in her youth?

early twenties not mid. And everything i wrote equals disabled child? Got it
/op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
op here
Forgot to mention that her two days off are random every week. For example this week its wednesday and friday. so she’ll work both saturday and sunday.

she falls asleep at 8:30pm when she used to sleep at 11pm so tired is an understatement so to the PP i think her body is complaining

I think you're the only one complaining. She is doing what young people do. They work hard. Or they should anyway. Stay out of it.

+1

If she wants to tough it out, let her try. Stop helicoptering your ADULT daughter.

Seems like this job will teach her some grit, and you are depriving her of this chance. I get you think it's too hard for her, but let her try.

My 15 yr old DD is involved in an activity that I thought would be too much for her, but she's dealing with it. She's learning to juggle school and this activity, and I can see that it is teaching her some grit.

She's an adult. Why on earth do you think you have any veto power about her job? Crazy.

This. I am on the tail end of Gen-X, so admittedly did not grow up with helicopter parents… but the fact that you’re even considering saying something is absolutely bonkers to me, unless she has explicitly come to you for advice… let her build some resilience.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you a troll? This sounds crazy. Stay out of it. Let your daughter grow up. And if this is a case of this was YOUR person to hang with all the time, then you really have to step back. Is it possible she is doing this to create some distance from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her how she feels, and mention alternatives she may not have considered. The hours and commute mean the job might be a net negative and she might be better off pursuing some education or training instead.

But she's mid 20s, so she must have already investigated education and career options, right?
Did she have some disability in her youth?

early twenties not mid. And everything i wrote equals disabled child? Got it
/op

dp.. well, tbf, you are treating her like she is a disabled person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a troll? This sounds crazy. Stay out of it. Let your daughter grow up. And if this is a case of this was YOUR person to hang with all the time, then you really have to step back. Is it possible she is doing this to create some distance from you?

I think so.

[Anonymous]

OP- Butt out! None of your business. I think its great your daughter is a hard worker.

The only thing that makes me think this is a troll is that she says she is commuting 90 minutes to a cafe. That doesn't seem terribly believable. ie that would be like someone in Montgomery County getting a job at a sandwich shop in Richmond.... as opposed to the other 80 billion places closer to them. Not very believable.

[Anonymous]

I'm a total introvert and talk with people all day at work. Then I come home and am quiet and decompress. You need to let her own her life. If she decides it doesn't work for her, then she can make the decision to find a different job and then quit this one. Let her live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter has just started a job at a café. She went from being a total introvert to talking to multiple customers 5 days a week.
+ it takes her an hour and a half to get to her job. And she’s there from 8 to 5. Shes in charge of opening the place and closing, standing in front of register, making food (sandwiches) and smoothies and being a barista, and taking deliveries. Its a solo shift everytime.
She just got hired officially yesterday and I’m thinking of using some sort of Veto right and telling her no.

I don’t want her mental health to be terrible. She is in her early twenties and said this is a job only for about a year. She just wanted to try.

Should her father and I make her stop going?

Yes that commute is awful. But the smart play is for her to get two or three months experience under her belt. Then she will probably be easily able to find a better much closer job in a cafe or restaurant. Getting that basic level of experience will really help her.move in to something better. Be supportive and patient and give her a chance to upgrade her experience and skills. Don't discourage her,she sounds like a hard worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
op here
Forgot to mention that her two days off are random every week. For example this week its wednesday and friday. so she’ll work both saturday and sunday.

she falls asleep at 8:30pm when she used to sleep at 11pm so tired is an understatement so to the PP i think her body is complaining

Does she have any health or mental health issues that her energy gets so rapidly depleted during the day?
Untreated and unmanaged ADHD or High Functioning Autism can cause that. Pls poor executive functioning skills so one may bite off more than they can chew or schedule and it realize it until too late.

[Anonymous]

I had multiple jobs in my 20s and learned so much from each one. Some of them sucked, but they taught me what to watch out for when looking for my next job. I also learned how to communicate and deal with a variety of different management styles. I now have a job I enjoy with a manager I enjoy, and I definitely found this job because I knew what to look for and what to watch out for.

[Anonymous]

So…what is the problem? Sounds like a nice job. She’s not working in a coal mine or a strip club or something.
I worked similar jobs in my 20s & was exhausted…basically just worked, ate & slept. It helped me figure out that I wanted more & motivated me to get a degree in a field I wanted to make my career.
si my advice - land the helicopter. Tell her that you are proud of her for trying this out, & you support her if she decides it’s too much & wants to quit. But there is no veto power at this point, if you want to help create a functional adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So…what is the problem? Sounds like a nice job. She’s not working in a coal mine or a strip club or something.
I worked similar jobs in my 20s & was exhausted…basically just worked, ate & slept. It helped me figure out that I wanted more & motivated me to get a degree in a field I wanted to make my career.
si my advice - land the helicopter. Tell her that you are proud of her for trying this out, & you support her if she decides it’s too much & wants to quit. But there is no veto power at this point, if you want to help create a functional adult.

I'd rather a strip club than working at a cafe with a hour commute.

I never worked job liked these, they always seemed like a wash. I don't see how working at a cafe helps anyone figure out what they want to do with their life. Seems like a huge waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should tell her to quick

A job in a cafe IS NOT worth an hour and half commute. That doesn’t even make sense. If she wants a food service job then pick once close to home

But the most important reason is she is the only employee at the business all day and opening and closing. It’s a terrible setup and she should not be the only employee there for safety reasons.