People who cannot admit they are wrong even when they are clearly wrong
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Anonymous
| Ask my husband op. |
Anonymous
I worked for someone who screamed at me, at everyone. She was never wrong and to that end, when we asked her questions/direction, she would sometimes tell us things that weren’t true. She could never say, I don’t know, I’ll find out, she’d answer off the cuff rather than saying she didn’t know, and then never apologize for the subsequent mess. Also, her public ranting at someone in a meeting or that I could hear her doing on the phone to someone else affected my/all of our morale. She was never wrong, never sorry. |
Anonymous
But you just said your friend is not reliable, so it sounds like she deserved to be fired (though not cruelly, of course). |
Anonymous
I definitely agree that people who are afraid of being disproportionately shamed and excoriated if they admit guilt will have issues apologizing or expressing regret. Sometimes that fear is entirely warranted, based on past interactions with the other person. I feel this is understandable and somewhat justified. Sometimes it's not, and it's become a life reflex. This is where it gets socially problematic and into the realm of a mental disorder. |
Anonymous
| When almost every example on here is a woman, perhaps that points to part of the problem. Women are treated like garbage. How much should we take? Why do so many people on DCUm just tear other women down constantly? |
Anonymous
I have never heard this about ocpd. Can you explain ? |
Anonymous
There is a wealth of information about OCPD online. Important point: OCPD is NOT the same as OCD! Per Cleveland Clinic: What is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)? Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) is a mental health condition that causes an extensive preoccupation with perfectionism, organization and control. These behaviors and thought patterns interfere with completing tasks and maintaining relationships. People with OCPD have rigid beliefs and specific ways of doing different tasks. They don’t allow for any flexibility and are unable to compromise with others. People with OCPD often don’t realize their behavior and way of thinking are problematic. What is the difference between OCD and OCPD? Even though they sound similar, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are different conditions. OCD is an anxiety disorder in which you have frequent unwanted and intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that cause you to perform repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Examples of compulsions include flipping a light switch a certain number of times or repeatedly washing your hands. People with OCD usually are aware that the condition is causing their behavior and accept that they need professional help to treat it. People with OCPD usually have little, if any, self-awareness of their behaviors. Who does obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) affect? Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder usually begins in your late teens or early 20s. It’s more common in adults whose highest education level is high school graduation or less. How common is OCPD? Studies suggest that OCPD is the most common personality disorder in the general population in the United States. It affects 3% to 8% of adults. What are the symptoms of OCPD? The main sign of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is a pervasive preoccupation (obsession) with order, perfectionism, control and specific ways of doing things. These behaviors make it difficult to complete tasks and cause issues with relationships. Symptoms of OCPD usually begin by early adulthood. A person with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) may: Be preoccupied with and insist on details, rules, lists, order and organization. Have perfectionism that interferes with completing tasks. Have excessive devotion to work and productivity. This results in neglecting hobbies and spending less time with loved ones. Have excessive doubt and indecisiveness. Use extreme caution to avoid what they perceive to be failure. Be rigid and stubborn in their beliefs and ways of doing things. Be unwilling to compromise. Be unwilling to throw out broken or worthless objects, even if they have no sentimental value. Have difficulty working with others or delegating tasks unless they agree to do things exactly as the person wants. Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. Perceive everything as “black or white” (dichotomous thinking). Have difficulty coping with criticism. Over-focus on flaws in other people. At a glance, people with OCPD usually appear confident, organized and high-achieving. Their exacting standards may even benefit them in certain jobs. However, their inability to compromise or change their behaviors usually negatively affects their relationships. How is OCPD diagnosed? OCPD can be difficult to diagnose, as most people with a personality disorder don’t think there’s a problem with their behavior or way of thinking. When they do seek help, it’s often because of anxiety or depression due to the problems created by their personality disorder, such as losing their job or relationships, not the disorder itself. Outlook / Prognosis What is the prognosis for OCPD? The prognosis (outlook) for OCPD depends on if it’s treated or not. Left untreated, OCPD may result in: Poor relationships. Occupational difficulties. Impaired social functioning. The loved ones of people with OCPD often experience stress, depression and isolation. It’s important to take care of your mental health and seek help if you’re experiencing these symptoms. |
Anonymous
+1 Literally just last week he (obviously accidentally) completely disabled the garage door after messing with the system/app for over an hour. Takes the car in the driveway, leaving me stuck at 6:45 am trying to get my car out. His response? I didn’t do it. It just broke. How can you even respond to that without then sounding like a lunatic yourself? I haven’t figured it out. |
Anonymous
No, people have also talked about men with this issue. But your comment is sort of contradictory because I think one thing that is happening is that yes, people do treat women like garbage. Including other women! Which translates to women treating each other poorly and then refusing to apologize or own up to it. This has definitely happened to me. Some years ago I had two friends, one man and one woman, who together did something really cruel to me (humiliated me in front of other people at a particular low point in my life). The man later apologized to me and made real amends. The woman not only refused to apologize, but started a rumor about me to discredit me so that if I complained about her behavior, people wouldn't believe me. So if you notice people complaining about women who refuse to apologize, maybe ask yourself why so many women have met other women who do things for which you might expect someone to apologize. Women are awful TO EACH OTHER. |
Anonymous
My husband does this all the time. Tries to "fix" something (which may or may not need it!) and breaks something else and denies any wrong doing. Yesterday unplugged the car battery and now a light is on the dash he's done this twice denies anything he did caused this. I'm exhausted not just from this but all the stuff. |
Anonymous
Wow. No. They are clearly wrong and then gaslight to act like they didn’t do it or that you’re too sensitive for caring. People who do this can’t have truly close relationships with people. My mother does this. I honestly think it is 1)being raised in a very authoritative home where respect and position are important. She thinks mothers don’t apologize to their kids. She has never gotten an apology for some really crazy things that happened to her. 2)thinking that if she acts like nothing is wrong, everyone else will just move on. To be honest, it does work for her many times so I suppose it’s not a bad strategy from her perspective. |
Anonymous
I've noticed that this is definitely something that happens when you have someone in a position of power/authority over a group of people, because what happens is that the people under their power get pitted against each other, so there is a built in reason to ignore/overlook bad behavior. You see it with abusive parents, bad/abusive bosses, and sometimes in toxic friend groups. I encountered this once in a workplace and it felt like losing my mind. People would sometimes talk about the boss's bad behavior privately, but with caution, and mostly people pretended it wasn't happening or tried to justify it or contextualize it to make it seem like no big deal. The party line was that this person was "just like that" and you shouldn't "take it personally." It was insane. The one time in my life where I think I have actually encountered people with Stockholm syndrome. |
Anonymous
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My mother was like this. There was even a rule in the house, "Mother is ALWAYS right". So my dad always backed her up, no matter what she did or said. He enabled her. When he died, she nearly unravelled because those of us who had forever lived under this pressure no longer paid so much attention to it, as she didn't have "back up".
I was 48 when I read about narcissistic mothers and saw the Youtube videos. I couldn't believe it had taken me that long to figure it out. It was exhausting and I feel exhausted thinking about it, but it's over now because she's dead. |