OP here. Thank you. This is on point. Thank you for explaining it so eloquently!!! |
Your mom is an adult and has lived long enough to decide if she wants a surgery treat. Heaven forbid if I am 80 or 85 and one if my kids says I can NEVER have a dessert. I would rather die a couple years early than give up everything that brings some comfort and pleasure. Your two siblings bringing a surgery treat every once in a while to make your mom happy is what your mom wants. Why do you get to decide she can’t have it? You really do seem quite controlling deciding who is shirking responsibility by spending Mother’s Day or another holiday with another loved one. That’s not up to you to control how your siblings spend their time. |
Being POA does not mean you are the only one who can talk to caregivers or have concerns about care. That’s where you are being controlling. |
Too controlling. You cannot control when your siblings visit, or what they do, or if they want to contact the facility.
Yes, perfect world would mean 1 contact person, & 3 siblings who do exactly as you request. That is not reality, so let that go. Take some of your emotion out of it & start to expect that they will frustrate & annoy you & potentially make issues. It is what it is, release the responsibility you feel over their actions. & continue what you are doing as far as sending out 2 wk updates, etc. |
Why do you think that being their POA means that you are the only contact with the assisted living people? You all live close so of course others are going to see your parents and talk to staff. They can and should do that. |
I remember being so mad at my brother when he bought my Mother a new phone. She was using the other one just fine. It was the only way we had to reach her. And now she was confused.
Siblings often fly into town, want to have something changed, and fly out again. |
Wait so it’s YOUR request in your parents’ file that AL staff only communicate with you? And sometimes if a new employee starts & your sibling shows up for a visit, they share info with that sibling or answer questions, & then you & sibs go crazy? I work at a nursing home. This sounds very stressful for the staff, to have this demand in their file & then others trying to override it. Of course it’s nice when there’s one main person running point, but this sounds like dysfunctional family dynamics that you are drawing the staff into. So sibling A visits & asks questions & they answer, then they get an earful from you about how it’s in their file that staff should only discuss with you. Exhausting. |
Yeah, you are being controlling. Just because you are the POA doesn't mean your siblings can't also weigh in with their opinions etc. They are free to contact the staff, talk to them, etc. |
Not controlling at all, I get it. My brother and sister created a mess while our father was hospitalized. While I was away for a short time and they came to visit him - I initially was glad they came to see him and give me a 1/2 day break. But, while I was gone they made a medical decision for him, telling the hospital staff an erroneous thing regarding my father's health history. Ultimately they altered his treatment plan which then had to be corrected. Then when things went wrong they blamed me because I left for a break. Uh they could've called me for verification of their facts. I had to change and become a tough as nails *itch after that incident. |