Quit piano?

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP with the 5th grader who hates practicing. As mentioned, I did offer him the opportunity to quit, but part of me wants him to continue to see if he will get to a point where he likes playing so much that he’s willing to practice. That doesn’t happen until you’re pretty good and playing more interesting pieces. He’s getting closer to that, which is why he chose to continue this year, but much slower than his older sibling did. Playing the piano brings me a lot of joy, and I want him to experience that if it’s at all possible, and I don’t want to let him quit if he’s close to a breakthrough. But maybe it will never happen, and his hatred of practicing will only interfere with any current or future enjoyment. So I waffle back and forth.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5th grader who says she hates practicing, but I really think she hates the idea of practicing. It's hard to stop doing other things and to sit down to practice. Once she's playing, she enjoys it most of the time, though she's occasionally frustrated. She also enjoys her lessons, recitals and performances. She loves listening to music and going to concerts.

I try to reflect on my own experience. I recall not wanting to sit down to study in college, but enjoying problem sets once I started working. I really think it's the same. I'm hoping with maturity she'll start to realize the difference between actually hating piano and finding it hard to find the discipline to sit down and practice when there are other fun options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader who says she hates practicing, but I really think she hates the idea of practicing. It's hard to stop doing other things and to sit down to practice. Once she's playing, she enjoys it most of the time, though she's occasionally frustrated. She also enjoys her lessons, recitals and performances. She loves listening to music and going to concerts.

I try to reflect on my own experience. I recall not wanting to sit down to study in college, but enjoying problem sets once I started working. I really think it's the same. I'm hoping with maturity she'll start to realize the difference between actually hating piano and finding it hard to find the discipline to sit down and practice when there are other fun options.

I'll add that she is fickle. She'll tell me that she hates piano and wants to quit when she's tired after a long week, but her teacher asked her about doing a festival piece and she asked to do two pieces so she could do two different styles. Of course, she'll then complain about having to practice two pieces. What do you do with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At what age did you let your kids quit something they didn't love? They are pretty good at it, so I'm having trouble letting go.

In general, they just have to finish the season. (Unless it's not pre-paid, it's easy to get out of, and they are miserable. Then, immediately.)

I am easy-going about this, except- ironically- about piano!

We are blessed to have my childhood piano. I think it is a great skill to have that helps you in other areas (such as math). It helps tremendously to have a piano background if you want to do ANYTHING else in music, at any point. It's not a bad proficiency to have in your back pocket if you ever need work as an adult.... giving lessons, at a hotel bar, a local theatre needs an accompanist, etc.

So- family rule. My kids will be taking piano lessons, doing the recitals, doing our state music competitions, the whole thing- through 12th grade.

However, while not always perfect, they do enjoy it. It's hard for me to say what I would do if they were really miserable. To be honest, I think I would make them keep playing almost no matter what. If they hated cleaning their room, visiting grandma, a family volunteer activity- they wouldn't be allowed to stop those, either. Same with this.

But I acknowledge completely- different strokes for different folks. You may have other things that matter way more to you and obviously, that's fine. Make the decision that's best for your family. GL.

[Anonymous]

You could buy them an 88 key hammer action synth if they're feeling uninspired. It has the exact same feel as a piano, but they can play and create pop songs with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP with the 5th grader who hates practicing. As mentioned, I did offer him the opportunity to quit, but part of me wants him to continue to see if he will get to a point where he likes playing so much that he’s willing to practice. That doesn’t happen until you’re pretty good and playing more interesting pieces. He’s getting closer to that, which is why he chose to continue this year, but much slower than his older sibling did. Playing the piano brings me a lot of joy, and I want him to experience that if it’s at all possible, and I don’t want to let him quit if he’s close to a breakthrough. But maybe it will never happen, and his hatred of practicing will only interfere with any current or future enjoyment. So I waffle back and forth.

How long has he been studying piano? If it's been 4-5 years and the progress has been very slow, he already knows this is not his strength, it may even be a weakness. I don't see the point of continuing anything where you don't have neither a natural aptitude nor an interest. It's wasted effort and time.

[Anonymous]

My mom forced me through to end of HS. I hated every F second of it, but I played competitively, and it allowed me opportunities to do a lot of summer programs (pretty big deals at Urbana, Northwestern, Interlochen, you get the idea). I now realize what a gift and opportunity it was. Talk to me then and I would have quit at like age 8 LOL

I was really surprised that I missed it as soon as it was over, and ended up finding a way to get my own lessons in college, away from home! Then, I brought myself a piano upon graduation to return to it. I fell in love with playing after all those years of HATING it. I started teaching a bit as well.

I now have 2 kids and the way I feel about it is, they have to play through MS. At HS they can decide if they want to continue but only because I realize they have other interests they really love. I think music is SO good for the brain and it's something kids don't get until they are older.

Nobody likes to practice and 99% of kids don't practice the right way. When you practice start to finish 100x of course you will hate it for sure. The other thing I did with my kids is they are allowed to pick an instrument to play - anything until end of MS. So my kids play 2-3 instruments. They can read music well and they are very good actually. But like you said, I don't know that they would continue without my "forcing" them to do so. But the longer they play, even if they stop at 14, they will a foundation to return to if they choose that someday. I think music is one of the greatest gifts you can give anyone because quite honestly, not everyone is wired to be able to actually play (esp piano) well. You have to be wired a certain way to be able to do it and when you get older, it's a joy to have this hobby. Of course my kids have no idea what this means but I want to give them every opportunity to take advantage of it as I can

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 5th grader who says she hates practicing, but I really think she hates the idea of practicing. It's hard to stop doing other things and to sit down to practice. Once she's playing, she enjoys it most of the time, though she's occasionally frustrated. She also enjoys her lessons, recitals and performances. She loves listening to music and going to concerts.

I try to reflect on my own experience. I recall not wanting to sit down to study in college, but enjoying problem sets once I started working. I really think it's the same. I'm hoping with maturity she'll start to realize the difference between actually hating piano and finding it hard to find the discipline to sit down and practice when there are other fun options.

You had a major incentive to do your work in college, the piano is a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Around grade 5. At first she took a break, then she went back for awhile, found she still dreaded it, so she quit. She just wasn't intrinsically motivated by it, and she was really good - had won awards, could play by ear. She didn't want to give her attention to piano.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age did you let your kids quit something they didn't love? They are pretty good at it, so I'm having trouble letting go.

In general, they just have to finish the season. (Unless it's not pre-paid, it's easy to get out of, and they are miserable. Then, immediately.)

I am easy-going about this, except- ironically- about piano!

We are blessed to have my childhood piano. I think it is a great skill to have that helps you in other areas (such as math). It helps tremendously to have a piano background if you want to do ANYTHING else in music, at any point. It's not a bad proficiency to have in your back pocket if you ever need work as an adult.... giving lessons, at a hotel bar, a local theatre needs an accompanist, etc.

So- family rule. My kids will be taking piano lessons, doing the recitals, doing our state music competitions, the whole thing- through 12th grade.

However, while not always perfect, they do enjoy it. It's hard for me to say what I would do if they were really miserable. To be honest, I think I would make them keep playing almost no matter what. If they hated cleaning their room, visiting grandma, a family volunteer activity- they wouldn't be allowed to stop those, either. Same with this.

But I acknowledge completely- different strokes for different folks. You may have other things that matter way more to you and obviously, that's fine. Make the decision that's best for your family. GL.

Do you even have a clue how many pianists with a conservatory degree there are who are looking for students? What makes you think someone will pay your DD for lessons?

[Anonymous]

^PS - let me tell you how to practice.

You do ONLY 2-3 measures a day. Or if ambitious, you practice ONLY 1 line a day. That is it.

You do not play the whole thing start to finish 100x every day.

You play the hard spots first. You play chords before you play as written so your fingers know where the keys are. You pay attention to fingering above all - once you have that - your fingers will naturally know the way to go after a few times.

That is it. You do not sit and practice for 30 minutes and see how much you can get through a piece that sounds like shit because you don't know the notes and you hate how you sound and you think there is no hope in getting it right. It's too hard and who wants to do a chore to figure out this hard stuff every day?

So you just do a very little bit 100% right and that. Is. It. Teeny tiny parts. You identify the signs to make it easier to remember the notes - if the all notes are running up or down, you don't memorize every note, you memorize the pattern of notes - is it a scale, is it a chord, etc. You practice 20 min MAX a day. None of this crap about sitting and practicing for 30-60 minutes. You can actually do 15 minutes a day - this is about quality over quantity. Get the song right and then once you fall in love with making music, you will start practicing longer times on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom forced me through to end of HS. I hated every F second of it, but I played competitively, and it allowed me opportunities to do a lot of summer programs (pretty big deals at Urbana, Northwestern, Interlochen, you get the idea). I now realize what a gift and opportunity it was. Talk to me then and I would have quit at like age 8 LOL

I was really surprised that I missed it as soon as it was over, and ended up finding a way to get my own lessons in college, away from home! Then, I brought myself a piano upon graduation to return to it. I fell in love with playing after all those years of HATING it. I started teaching a bit as well.

I now have 2 kids and the way I feel about it is, they have to play through MS. At HS they can decide if they want to continue but only because I realize they have other interests they really love. I think music is SO good for the brain and it's something kids don't get until they are older.

Nobody likes to practice and 99% of kids don't practice the right way. When you practice start to finish 100x of course you will hate it for sure. The other thing I did with my kids is they are allowed to pick an instrument to play - anything until end of MS. So my kids play 2-3 instruments. They can read music well and they are very good actually. But like you said, I don't know that they would continue without my "forcing" them to do so. But the longer they play, even if they stop at 14, they will a foundation to return to if they choose that someday. I think music is one of the greatest gifts you can give anyone because quite honestly, not everyone is wired to be able to actually play (esp piano) well. You have to be wired a certain way to be able to do it and when you get older, it's a joy to have this hobby. Of course my kids have no idea what this means but I want to give them every opportunity to take advantage of it as I can

That was also the story of my life.  My father had me start piano at the age of five on a grand German Steinway and I had to practice 90 minutes everyday until the age of fourteen and I hated every F second of it.  When I turned fifteen, he had me learn the guitar until the last day of my high school year.  I absolutely hated it but my father and mother did not care.  My father, and mother to some degree, told me that I will appreciate this wonderful gift of music.  I had so much hatred for my parents that I did not speak to them for three months before leaving for college.  When I got to college, music was the one thing that allowed me to quickly make friends, many girls wanted to date me and many guys wished they could be like me.  I realized what my parents did for me and I am forever grateful for it.  To me the best instrument is either the piano (elegance) or the guitar (chick magnet). YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Fifth grade was when my kid started getting vocal about things he didn't want to do. Prior to that, he just went along for the ride. End of 5th, we had a family meeting, letting him know that MS was a time for growth and forging his own path, so he could quit whatever he wasn't enjoying.

He quit piano that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At what age did you let your kids quit something they didn't love? They are pretty good at it, so I'm having trouble letting go.

In general, they just have to finish the season. (Unless it's not pre-paid, it's easy to get out of, and they are miserable. Then, immediately.)

I am easy-going about this, except- ironically- about piano!

We are blessed to have my childhood piano. I think it is a great skill to have that helps you in other areas (such as math). It helps tremendously to have a piano background if you want to do ANYTHING else in music, at any point. It's not a bad proficiency to have in your back pocket if you ever need work as an adult.... giving lessons, at a hotel bar, a local theatre needs an accompanist, etc.

So- family rule. My kids will be taking piano lessons, doing the recitals, doing our state music competitions, the whole thing- through 12th grade.

However, while not always perfect, they do enjoy it. It's hard for me to say what I would do if they were really miserable. To be honest, I think I would make them keep playing almost no matter what. If they hated cleaning their room, visiting grandma, a family volunteer activity- they wouldn't be allowed to stop those, either. Same with this.

But I acknowledge completely- different strokes for different folks. You may have other things that matter way more to you and obviously, that's fine. Make the decision that's best for your family. GL.

Do you even have a clue how many pianists with a conservatory degree there are who are looking for students? What makes you think someone will pay your DD for lessons?

OK first, sit down. This is going to shock you. Stay calm. But, I know people who give piano lessons that haven't been to conservatory or even had any higher education for piano.

Thanks for the nasty, useless comment.

[Anonymous]

At the end of 4th grade when the lesson contract was up and he was never practicing. At that point he was more interested in sports.

We never started any music lessons for my second child because the interest wasn’t there.

I was forced to play piano and violin for years and hated it.