Is this a thing nowadays, or just a mom trying to dump off her kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the answer, but maybe not? Is it a thing to invite your child over for a play date at someone else’s house? I’m experiencing this with a mom, and I don’t know if this is normal.

The mom texts me things like, Hey Alison, Carly really wants to come over after school and hang out with Leah. Is that okay with you? Or, Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to play on your trampoline. Can she come over after school?

Each time, since it’s worked for us, I have said yes. But today was different, and I think this mom is just trying to dump her kid!

Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to watch that new movie together. Can Carly come home with Leah and they can watch it?

I actually have plans so I thought, if this is true, maybe they can go to Carly’s house. So I text back, Hello! Actually I have plans, but Leah is available to watch the movie! I thought maybe she would take the hint and invite Leah over, but she didn’t. Just said That’s a bummer, we can try again!

So it’s totally not about the girls and more about the mom wanting free time, right?

I think you weren't direct enough. If she doesn't think it's rude to invite her kid to someone else's house, of course she didn't "take the hint" when you didn't ask if Leah could come over. People like this aren't hint people. Try that next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the answer, but maybe not? Is it a thing to invite your child over for a play date at someone else’s house? I’m experiencing this with a mom, and I don’t know if this is normal.

The mom texts me things like, Hey Alison, Carly really wants to come over after school and hang out with Leah. Is that okay with you? Or, Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to play on your trampoline. Can she come over after school?

Each time, since it’s worked for us, I have said yes. But today was different, and I think this mom is just trying to dump her kid!

Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to watch that new movie together. Can Carly come home with Leah and they can watch it?

I actually have plans so I thought, if this is true, maybe they can go to Carly’s house. So I text back, Hello! Actually I have plans, but Leah is available to watch the movie! I thought maybe she would take the hint and invite Leah over, but she didn’t. Just said That’s a bummer, we can try again!

So it’s totally not about the girls and more about the mom wanting free time, right?

I think you weren't direct enough. If she doesn't think it's rude to invite her kid to someone else's house, of course she didn't "take the hint" when you didn't ask if Leah could come over. People like this aren't hint people. Try that next time.

DP - I don't think this is a communication issue. This mom has zero intention of having the OP's daughter over, regardless of how the OP asks. She's not clueless, she doesn't want to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

Omg do this OP and then report back!9

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

Omg do this OP and then report back!9

+1 pepper her with the good ol’ reverse uno

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

Omg do this OP and then report back!9

I’m not sure what the “OMG” is about? OP didn’t actually clearly ask if her daughter could go over there! She sent an ambiguous message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

Omg do this OP and then report back!9

I’m not sure what the “OMG” is about? OP didn’t actually clearly ask if her daughter could go over there! She sent an ambiguous message.

Yea that’s why we want her to send a clear message and test the water.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You now need to text her and say “can my daughter come to your house after school on Monday? She really wants to hang out with Larla!” and see what she says.

Omg do this OP and then report back!9

I’m not sure what the “OMG” is about? OP didn’t actually clearly ask if her daughter could go over there! She sent an ambiguous message.

Yea that’s why we want her to send a clear message and test the water.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Nanny here - I have parents do this to me ALL THE TIME. Days of school are the worst. They always suggest play dates when apparently I’m hosting their kids for 8+ hours? Ummm no that’s called childcare! My boss is clueless so she doesn’t have a problem with this, but I do. I always make plans in advance now on days off school (outings with parents who don’t leave) so then people don’t have a chance to dump their kids on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - I have parents do this to me ALL THE TIME. Days of school are the worst. They always suggest play dates when apparently I’m hosting their kids for 8+ hours? Ummm no that’s called childcare! My boss is clueless so she doesn’t have a problem with this, but I do. I always make plans in advance now on days off school (outings with parents who don’t leave) so then people don’t have a chance to dump their kids on me.

+1

Yup! Moms see free childcare. My friends hosted every week for years, with very little if any reciprocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd is often responsible for stuff like this. She invites kids over, then the moms text me and ask if it's okay if Larla comes over.

I think the other parent words it weird like she's inviting her kid to my house, but in reality, she's just checking that my dd really did invite her kid.

This is definitely a possibility. The trampoline text in particular is exactly how it would read if my DD (9-10) and her friend cooked up plans and the friend was pestering her mom about when she could come over to our house.

I wouldn't assume any ill intent about trying to dump her kid on you. Probably more like she's not available or comfortable hosting but her daughter is coming to her with these plans....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here - I have parents do this to me ALL THE TIME. Days of school are the worst. They always suggest play dates when apparently I’m hosting their kids for 8+ hours? Ummm no that’s called childcare! My boss is clueless so she doesn’t have a problem with this, but I do. I always make plans in advance now on days off school (outings with parents who don’t leave) so then people don’t have a chance to dump their kids on me.

+1

Yup! Moms see free childcare. My friends hosted every week for years, with very little if any reciprocation.

why don’t all you people use your words? some people don’t mind being the perpetual hosts. I know I like to host and kids like to come to my house because we have an xbox and a calm house w no younger sibs. If that’s not you, speak up and turn down playdates or say “Larlo would like to play at your house this time.”

[Anonymous]

use your words lady chiming in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I know the answer, but maybe not? Is it a thing to invite your child over for a play date at someone else’s house? I’m experiencing this with a mom, and I don’t know if this is normal.

The mom texts me things like, Hey Alison, Carly really wants to come over after school and hang out with Leah. Is that okay with you? Or, Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to play on your trampoline. Can she come over after school?

Each time, since it’s worked for us, I have said yes. But today was different, and I think this mom is just trying to dump her kid!

Hey Alison, Carly and Leah have been talking and want to watch that new movie together. Can Carly come home with Leah and they can watch it?

I actually have plans so I thought, if this is true, maybe they can go to Carly’s house. So I text back, Hello! Actually I have plans, but Leah is available to watch the movie! I thought maybe she would take the hint and invite Leah over, but she didn’t. Just said That’s a bummer, we can try again!

So it’s totally not about the girls and more about the mom wanting free time, right?

Yes. Lazy parenting is epidemic in 2023.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is often responsible for stuff like this. She invites kids over, then the moms text me and ask if it's okay if Larla comes over.

I think the other parent words it weird like she's inviting her kid to my house, but in reality, she's just checking that my dd really did invite her kid.

This is definitely a possibility. The trampoline text in particular is exactly how it would read if my DD (9-10) and her friend cooked up plans and the friend was pestering her mom about when she could come over to our house.

I wouldn't assume any ill intent about trying to dump her kid on you. Probably more like she's not available or comfortable hosting but her daughter is coming to her with these plans....

I agree with this. Her kid is telling her that she got invited or they want to do something at the other girls house. Who knows the reason but she can't or won't host at her house but is still trying to set up things for her kid.

I personally wouldn't care if we were available and if we weren't I would just tell her no not this time. I don't feel the need for playdates to be reciprocal.

[Anonymous]

Not entirely used, necessarily, because the girls may really want to be together. But one-sided. If your kid likes her kid, just host when it’s convenient for you and your kid, and don’t expect anything back.