When a man says he isn't interested in casual dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it sounds to me like he wants an actual relationship, not just a hook up.

As a guy this is my view. I was never into the casual dating or hook ups. Just not my thing. And didn’t have sex until there was a defined exclusive relationship.

You are me. And any woman who wanted a bunch of guys to buy her dinner and compete over her would not be a match for me.

Not all women are into dinners. But if you are not courting a woman, eg taking her out in some way, giving her flowers, taking to your sports, hikes, and show your generosity in some way, she won’t feel a relationship is growing into a romantic one. Someone will take her from you. So probably a man needs to focus himself on his “target” and have budget for finding a partner rather than thinking of all other guys she’s “dating”. I personally don’t date a bunch of guys past date 3. After 30 first dates I get down to 5 informal second dates which are usually just a hike or a coffee. Then I get to 2 “front runners” and see how things progress with them to choose one
eventually. If one is cheap and uninventive with dates in that final push he’s out. For example right now I thought I had a “finalist” but he’s not very good in planning things ahead or asks me to find places to go. I almost changed my mind about having sex with him.

In the end, men multi-date or sleep non-exclusively with multiple partners way more often than women.

I’d say women are catching up pretty damn quick, at least the 40+ post divorce crowd. I can’t tell you how many women confided in me about their “hot girl summer” on the first date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it sounds to me like he wants an actual relationship, not just a hook up.

As a guy this is my view. I was never into the casual dating or hook ups. Just not my thing. And didn’t have sex until there was a defined exclusive relationship.

You are me. And any woman who wanted a bunch of guys to buy her dinner and compete over her would not be a match for me.

Not all women are into dinners. But if you are not courting a woman, eg taking her out in some way, giving her flowers, taking to your sports, hikes, and show your generosity in some way, she won’t feel a relationship is growing into a romantic one. Someone will take her from you. So probably a man needs to focus himself on his “target” and have budget for finding a partner rather than thinking of all other guys she’s “dating”. I personally don’t date a bunch of guys past date 3. After 30 first dates I get down to 5 informal second dates which are usually just a hike or a coffee. Then I get to 2 “front runners” and see how things progress with them to choose one
eventually. If one is cheap and uninventive with dates in that final push he’s out. For example right now I thought I had a “finalist” but he’s not very good in planning things ahead or asks me to find places to go. I almost changed my mind about having sex with him.

In the end, men multi-date or sleep non-exclusively with multiple partners way more often than women.

I’d say women are catching up pretty damn quick, at least the 40+ post divorce crowd. I can’t tell you how many women confided in me about their “hot girl summer” on the first date.

If a woman likes casual sex and you don’t just pass on her. But I was responding to PP above who was saying he wasn’t into courting women. If she consented to sex and continues seeing you, you are spending a lot of nights together etc you must continue courting her to let the relationship grow in a healthy way, or she’s gone.

[Anonymous]

This was me when I met DW. On our first date she informed me that she was seeing other guys besides me, which I appreciated that she told me. I was at the point in my life where I was done dating with no purpose. After a couple weeks I informed her that I was not interested in continuing like this. I was 33 and looking for something more. If she wanted to date others that was fine, but I wasn't going to date her. She cut it off with the other guys soon after our talk.

[Anonymous]

Tbhwu I'm not sure what it means either. The guy I'm interested in is giving me mixed messages left right and centre. One min he wants a life with me, saying we not casual then on other hand he doesn't communicate acts like single says he wants to break up then he finds out I'm Pg he suddenly like idea of kids but don't want to be in his 70 still looking after I.
I don't know if we together anymore as he won't say

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask the person who said it to clarify? I would assume it means hanging out whenever it works with no commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe ask the person who said it to clarify? I would assume it means hanging out whenever it works with no commitment.

It's been a year. He's married now.

[Anonymous]

I'd run away from him.
No man would say that right off the bat.
He's manipulating you for his own reasons.