Obnoxious Coworker Blathering About My Addition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my wife and I are putting a second story on our house. It's a huge expensive PITA ordeal but it is what it is as we are currently a family of 5 with two dogs and two cats stuffed into a 1930s 3 bed/ 1.5 bath Tudor.

I made the huge mistake of mentioning this to a colleague that lives on gossip. Literally not a single day goes by without him making a snide, snarky, borderline harassing remark about the costs of X and 'It must be nice to build a mansion' and "Oh, only if we all had your money" and "Where are you send the kids to school now? Exeter or Lawrenceville?"

Keep in mind- this is a run of the mill, middle of the road 400k addition.

I have not taken the bait yet but I'm about to unload on him.

Do I document the harassment and bring to HR or do I pull him into the parking lot and tell him if he makes one more quip, I'm going to beat his old fat ass.

I want to do the later but I know he'd consider that a victory.

1) This isn’t “harassment” from the perspective of HR. You are not a protected class. It could be considered “bullying” and the behavior may or may not violate conduct in your organization’s policies. But I would not use the word “harassment” if you complain as that has a very specific connotation and the behavior does not fit the description.

2) In no worlds is a $400,000 renovation “modest.” That is higher than the median price of a home in the USA so be careful about coming across as tone deaf.

The behavior is not OK and I am not defending him. Just trying to warn you of pitfalls if you make an issue of it.

Best you might hope for is a warning to stop remarking about colleagues’ pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$400k on top of the house price means you are very wealthy.

And does that justify getting remarks every day? Would you like that?

You brought it up and bragged about it so yes.

[Anonymous]

"Yep, gotta choose between rose gold and regular gold for the toilets."

He's not funny, but he's also just passing the time and goofing: nobody cares about this as much as you do, I promise. Lean into it and have fun.

Also, good luck. We did a similar project last year, it was stressful. That might be why you're reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"It's amusing how insecure you are about this, Frank."

"Yes, I'm building a mansion just to hear how envious you are every day."

He’s a man. Men don’t say witchy things like this. (Replace the w with a b)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"It's amusing how insecure you are about this, Frank."

"Yes, I'm building a mansion just to hear how envious you are every day."

He’s a man. Men don’t say witchy things like this. (Replace the w with a b)

Stop the sexism. OP can respond however he wants regardless of gender. I'm suggesting options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$400k on top of the house price means you are very wealthy.

And does that justify getting remarks every day? Would you like that?

You brought it up and bragged about it so yes.

Nowhere does it say OP boasted. People put additions on their homes all the time, especially on the tiny older homes in the DC area. Considering all the homes in my area are at least 1.5M, a 400K addition doesn't sound expensive.

The coworker is way out of line. It's not harassment, but OP should tell him to knock it off.

I had a similar situation with a husband of a friend who kept making snide remarks about our move to a more expensive area. I ignored it and it went away eventually, but it wasn't a workplace issue. Had it been, I would have asked him to stop. Some people have no self-awareness and need to be told that they're not funny anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Yep, gotta choose between rose gold and regular gold for the toilets."

He's not funny, but he's also just passing the time and goofing: nobody cares about this as much as you do, I promise. Lean into it and have fun.

Also, good luck. We did a similar project last year, it was stressful. That might be why you're reacting.

Yes, this is the right answer. Have some fun, and he will seem ridiculous to your other coworkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$400k on top of the house price means you are very wealthy.

Not really, realistically speaking. It’s not much different than buying a bigger house. Except op probably originally bought their home years ago and has a low mortgage with a low interest rate. So the $400k addition means they keep the original low mortgage and get a bigger house for less than it would cost to move up to a bigger home.

OP here- correct. We bought 20 years ago for 350k. We owe 65k on the house. It is now assessed at 974K. When complete, the house will be comparable to ones in my neighborhood selling for 1.6.

Plus, we don't want to move. We like our spot and we brought three kids home to this house.

Am I to apologize for a smart purchase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife and I are putting a second story on our house. It's a huge expensive PITA ordeal but it is what it is as we are currently a family of 5 with two dogs and two cats stuffed into a 1930s 3 bed/ 1.5 bath Tudor.

I made the huge mistake of mentioning this to a colleague that lives on gossip. Literally not a single day goes by without him making a snide, snarky, borderline harassing remark about the costs of X and 'It must be nice to build a mansion' and "Oh, only if we all had your money" and "Where are you send the kids to school now? Exeter or Lawrenceville?"

Keep in mind- this is a run of the mill, middle of the road 400k addition.

I have not taken the bait yet but I'm about to unload on him.

Do I document the harassment and bring to HR or do I pull him into the parking lot and tell him if he makes one more quip, I'm going to beat his old fat ass.

I want to do the later but I know he'd consider that a victory.

1) This isn’t “harassment” from the perspective of HR. You are not a protected class. It could be considered “bullying” and the behavior may or may not violate conduct in your organization’s policies. But I would not use the word “harassment” if you complain as that has a very specific connotation and the behavior does not fit the description.

2) In no worlds is a $400,000 renovation “modest.” That is higher than the median price of a home in the USA so be careful about coming across as tone deaf.

The behavior is not OK and I am not defending him. Just trying to warn you of pitfalls if you make an issue of it.

Best you might hope for is a warning to stop remarking about colleagues’ pay.

This is such a stupid response. OP doesn't live in the entire United States, he lives in one particular area. And in this area, a $400k addition is not elaborate by any means. It's likely a bump-out, with one additional bedroom/bathroom, and new kitchen, and a slightly reconfigured first level.

Context matters.

[Anonymous]

2) In no worlds is a $400,000 renovation “modest.” That is higher than the median price of a home in the USA so be careful about coming across as tone deaf.

This is DC. 400K is actually on the low end for a true pop top renovation. It's not uncommon at all for jobs like this to run 500, 600, 700.

[Anonymous]

You’re just tone deaf. The majority of people in this area are working their butts off to afford a “modest” home. You decided to share how much your renovations cost now you have to deal with the consequences. Read the room next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$400k on top of the house price means you are very wealthy.

Not really, realistically speaking. It’s not much different than buying a bigger house. Except op probably originally bought their home years ago and has a low mortgage with a low interest rate. So the $400k addition means they keep the original low mortgage and get a bigger house for less than it would cost to move up to a bigger home.

OP here- correct. We bought 20 years ago for 350k. We owe 65k on the house. It is now assessed at 974K. When complete, the house will be comparable to ones in my neighborhood selling for 1.6.

Plus, we don't want to move. We like our spot and we brought three kids home to this house.

Am I to apologize for a smart purchase?

You don't have to justify your financial decisions to a bunch of strangers.

I think out of all the suggestions so far, the humor approach is best. This guy is joshing you and trying to get a rise out of you, and by your account he's succeeding. Don't let him know how much he's getting to you. Brush it off, joke back, whatever. But reporting to HR is a no no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re just tone deaf. The majority of people in this area are working their butts off to afford a “modest” home. You decided to share how much your renovations cost now you have to deal with the consequences. Read the room next time.

OP here.

No, I didn't share the cost of anything. He lives here too so he knows the ballpark for such jobs in this area, unlike many of you. He's going off that to speculate and consequently harass me. I know it's jealousy but I don't really want to get in a discussion with him about his feelings.

[Anonymous]

I totally read the title of this thread as "Obnoxious Coworker Blathering About My Addiction" and was very confused as to why your post was about construction.

Oops.

How does he know how much you're paying? Did you stupidly tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my wife and I are putting a second story on our house. It's a huge expensive PITA ordeal but it is what it is as we are currently a family of 5 with two dogs and two cats stuffed into a 1930s 3 bed/ 1.5 bath Tudor.

I made the huge mistake of mentioning this to a colleague that lives on gossip. Literally not a single day goes by without him making a snide, snarky, borderline harassing remark about the costs of X and 'It must be nice to build a mansion' and "Oh, only if we all had your money" and "Where are you send the kids to school now? Exeter or Lawrenceville?"

Keep in mind- this is a run of the mill, middle of the road 400k addition.

I have not taken the bait yet but I'm about to unload on him.

Do I document the harassment and bring to HR or do I pull him into the parking lot and tell him if he makes one more quip, I'm going to beat his old fat ass.

I want to do the later but I know he'd consider that a victory.

LOL, only on DCUM.

In my neck of the woods, there are no additions below half a mil. OP is doing well. Go away.

No one asked about your neck of the woods.