Tell me if your shy one blossomed in late high school or college

[Anonymous]

My DS, 14, is like this. He has friends in activities and sports, but he is sort of reserved. Sometimes he says no when friends ask him to do things and I can’t remember the last time he has initiated asking anyone to hang out. He doesn’t share much of himself with his friends. He seems happy, but he also lives with us now. I worry about his quality of relationships when he’s older and how he will make close connections with others. Everyone doesn’t need to be extroverted but they do need close friendships and people they care about and who care about them. Hopeful that he realizes that as he gets older.

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain. Great insight into introverts & their value in the world!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DC truly shy, aka uncomfortable around peers, or just reserved and appreciates alone time?

DS was often mistaken for being shy when he was in elementary school. He enjoyed school but didn’t feel the need to make first attempt to strike up conversations. Other kids always made the first move and he was receptive. He was quiet and liked spending time at home w us or doing his own thing. Not being invited to parties didn’t bother him. He didn’t give too much thoughts to those. I was nervous about his lack of desire to initiate friendship. But over the years, he never came to us about felling left out and most importantly he never had trouble speaking in front his class when needed. That was when we realized he was in fact not shy just comfortable with himself. As a junior in college now, he is still reserved and takes a while to warm up. He has his circle of close friend he studies with, goes to dinner with or catch a movie with. He is confident and considerate. No issues with networking or going to job interviews. He has worked since junior year in high school. He still enjoys spending time at home whenever he can. It all turned out fine.

I often wonder if us adults put too much negative emphasis on shyness. It is not a bad trait. If the child desire friendship but can’t seem to find a good start, then that is an entire different conversation. Good luck OP!

You’ve describe my middle school son to a T. I hate that his teachers are always try to change him. This gives me hope. Your son sounds like an awesome person.

[Anonymous]

I've always been an introvert. Married a super extrovert. He gets me out of the house and socializes. I think the biggest difference between me now as an adult and me as a teen is that I thought something was wrong with me for being shy. Like it was something to overcome. I know better now, I'm comfortable in my own skin, successful in work and have quality friends. The only times my "shyness" gets in the way is that I don't like hosting (my husband does) and sometimes because I'm quiet I'm misread as snobby.