if you're the parent with the lower bar on things like nutrition and screentime...

[Anonymous]

I’m the parent with the lower bar on these things, but I’m also the mom. I think my DH is too rigid. So yes I’d prefer if they were always parented the way I do it.

[Anonymous]

Not in my own family, because I'm a single parent, but I provide childcare for my brother's kids and he's way more controlling than me about food, and activities, and screentime.

I don't think that level of control is healthy. If my husband existed, and he felt that way, then I'd be the parent who has a lower bar, or who gives my kids more freedom to make and learn from their own mistakes, depending on how you look at it, and yes, I would do it because I believe that being overly controlling isn't good for kids.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a low-medium bar. I have higher standards for myself as an adult.

I have a medium-ish bar for my kids, who are in MS and early HS so maybe older than you are talking about here. Medium-high during the school year: 1 hr screen time on weekdays (3 on weekends), mostly healthy food with enough junk to keep them happy (cookies in the lunch box, ice cream after dinner, but not unlimited soda etc). Medium-low in the summer, way more screen time and junk food. I hope they recognize summer as 'special treat time' and have fond memories of it, but not grow up assuming that's 100% life as normal.

[Anonymous]

There is a movie, indie movie? It has a dad with a really really low bar.

Do they move to Australia? He finds out he has kids? He’s never had kids before?

This could be a lot of movies. But I always remember this one when I’m reflecting on how hard I work as a parent, and then sometimes have to let things go.

At least I don’t lower the bar all the time.

For DH and I, we both go back and forth. He’d have to step up if I suddenly died. But, after ripping his hair out he would get help or figure it out.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a good question OP. Why it’s good for parents to get a break. We can’t all keep up the standards all the time.

[Anonymous]

Everything in moderation in my house. No way would I let my kids sit around all day on screens and eat junk all the time.

My kids are all good students. They play multiple sports and play an instrument. They socialize with friends. We hang out as a family, go on outings and travel.

On certain down days, we may all spend a day relaxing and yes, spend too much time on screens. I occasionally want to binge something on Netflix. I’m fine with my kids playing Minecraft and Roblox for a few hours. I would not be ok with them playing all day everyday.

We snack more than most families. My kids are stick skinny and play a lot of sports. We eat a lot of fruit and veggies but we have a lot of snacks both healthy and unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being either extreme is damaging.

Yup. I think kids benefit from being raised by both mom and dad, as they each have different perspectives, risk tolerance, hobbies and personalities and THAT is best for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the parent with the lower bar on these things, but I’m also the mom. I think my DH is too rigid. So yes I’d prefer if they were always parented the way I do it.

Same. I’m fairly easy going, and I want my kids to grow up in a relaxing home environment. I grew up with a very strict step father and I hated it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...would you be ok if your kids were alway living the way you parent them (eating that way every day, getting that much screen time every day) or do you more want them raised differently and just leave that to your spouse?

I'm genuinely curious. There's the trope that the dad just gives them junk and parks them in front of the tv (though i do know a couple families where the mom has a lower bar)...and maybe they do strongly feel that the kids would be just fine or even better off if things were a lot more relaxed that way.

As I'm typing this i'm realizing its very unlikely this type of parent is on a parenting messaging board

I don't want my kid to eat as much crap or have as much screen time as he would like, he's a teen so he's going to try to push it. He has a fair amount of both but isn't a vegetable and has a life outside of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...would you be ok if your kids were alway living the way you parent them (eating that way every day, getting that much screen time every day) or do you more want them raised differently and just leave that to your spouse?

I'm genuinely curious. There's the trope that the dad just gives them junk and parks them in front of the tv (though i do know a couple families where the mom has a lower bar)...and maybe they do strongly feel that the kids would be just fine or even better off if things were a lot more relaxed that way.

As I'm typing this i'm realizing its very unlikely this type of parent is on a parenting messaging board

I think it’s interesting that you aren’t also asking if we (the people you describe as “lower bar parents”) would be ok with our kids being raised 100% the way you do it.

You seem to be making a heck of an assumption there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've lowered the bar b/c our kid is ASD/ADHD and the battles were destroying our family's peace and mental health.

Spouse and I are on the same page.

+1. There are enough battles to fight. This wasn’t a hill I was willing to die on.

[Anonymous]

I don't really know what bar to have, so just go along with whatever DH says since he's the main parent. Works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my bar is lower than DH's but not super low. I think I'm middle of the road and he's high. So yes I would be fine if it were my level every day. But I would not be fine with lower than that.

+1. I’m also fine, in theory, with DH’s higher bar. The problem is me having to enforce DH’s higher bar when he’s not around. This way I prefer my lower bar. We have good kids. Let them have their screens and candy. I did as a kid and turned out just fine.

How old are you? Unlikely you had cell phones, ipads, and streaming TV shows the way kids have now. The draw of screens is so much stronger. Limits are necessary for kids who can't self regulate.

[Anonymous]

This question is annoying. I have a low bar and as a result, I believe my kids eat better and use less screen time than the average. I know that's not your question, but my parenting philosophy is more hands off/let them figure it out and for me, maybe because of this or maybe because I'm lucky, the kids don't have screen time addictions and they don't eat terrible. I don't think people with a low bar necessarily have feral kids - they think this the way to get whatever parent wants-- well rounded smart, nice and healthy kids. Not saying there isn't another or better way to achieve that or not, but just saying that's why I have a low bar.