What do your middle school boys do at home, other than screen time and homework?

[Anonymous]

I don't have a middle school son, but recall being one. I recall Jr High as a time when I spent a lot of time doing tow things, trying to avoid talking to my parents (they seemed so stupid at the time) and figuring out how to meet girls -- so give your son a guitar. Girls always seem to like a guy who can play guitar. But the reality is that if I was not with friends and was home alone, I was watching TV (MTV started when I was in 8th grade), reading Stephen King and listening to music. When you think about it, what do you do at home alone to entertain yourself? Come one, admit it, I bet you watch a bit of TV and may be even visit DCUM once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've got two teen boys and we just don't do the X-box thing. I suggested it to DH several times as a Christmas or birthday gift for kids, and, thank God, he always said no. Instead, kids shoot hoops, play ping-pong and foosball, play board games (very keen on Risk right now), read the paper, go to the pool, run, play with the dog, occasionally read a book, and, yes, actually converse with us (about politics, movies, sports, and their endless advice about how we should parent their younger sister, all of which I'm recording and intend to share with them when they have children of their own ). This is all during down time -- not when they're doing summer jobs (lifeguarding) and community service gigs. Yes, they also email and text friends and check Facebook, but, all in all, they keep busy with other stuff. I would love to have them spend a little time cleaning their rooms, but that is hopeless!

OP here, we actually don't have a lot of media. We have a TV with no signal, so when I say he's watching TV it's actually videos, and one computer that goes to work with me, so when he's at home alone it's often not here. Right now he's playing a lot of Harry Potter Wii.

A lot of what you mentioned requires another person -- if there's another kid we don't have a problem, but ping pong, foosball, or Risk don't work so well alone. He's not quite old enough to go to the pool by himself (I think you have to be 12, and he's 11). If he's with me he'll talk. He'll read occaisionally, and walk/play with the dog, although both usually require some nagging.

What I need are things for him to do that don't require other people.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter, and it's pretty much the same thing: Facebook, texting, TV unless I force something else. I just made her read for half an hour and put away the dishes, but then back to the electronics.

[Anonymous]

I have twin 14 year old boys, so we never have the "what to do when you're alone" problem. We do have the screen problem, so I set limits and we fight about it constantly. One thing they have gotten keenly interested in for the last two years is cooking. They watch Food Network, browse the web for recipes, invent their own, and cook up great meals and desserts. They're not so good at the clean up, but that's okay b/c they're occupied doing something creative. Just got them an ice cream maker, and that is a big hit. One of my sons also likes to play in fantasy sports leagues on the web and will spend hours pouring over magazines on the subject, writing out dream teams and stats, etc. We have two dogs that are an endless source of amusement when the boys are at home. And I second the suggestion for musical instruments -- mine both play instruments. As for conversation -- I find long car rides (we commute to school) are fertile. I usually don't let them use their I-touches, and this forces conversation. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My nephew, 13, was a total video game addict, to the point that my own (younger) kids thought that he was the most boring human being alive. Over the past year, however, he has taken up cycling, starting mostly with his dad on weekends, and now going on his own for shorter distances. He is even doing some racing. According to my in-laws, it has really changed his mindset for the better, and it has obvious health benefits.

He is also taking guitar lessons at a music school, and enjoying that very much. Both activities seem to be bringing him out of his shell by building self-confidence and allowing him to meet people he otherwise would not have encountered.

[Anonymous]

@21:20

Can you suggest sites for fantasy sports leagues that are good for an 11 year old? I am worried about the ones that let them chat in an unrestricted way with other players, but my son would love to do this.

[Anonymous]

I think my son did fantasy sports on SI Kids when he was younger for just that reason, PP. Not sure if they still have leagues. This year he has a baseball team on MLB.com, and I don't think they chat. He wants to do NFL.com this year, and I think they do chat, which I'm not wild about, so I haven't decided yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twin 14 year old boys, so we never have the "what to do when you're alone" problem. We do have the screen problem, so I set limits and we fight about it constantly. One thing they have gotten keenly interested in for the last two years is cooking. They watch Food Network, browse the web for recipes, invent their own, and cook up great meals and desserts. They're not so good at the clean up, but that's okay b/c they're occupied doing something creative. Just got them an ice cream maker, and that is a big hit. One of my sons also likes to play in fantasy sports leagues on the web and will spend hours pouring over magazines on the subject, writing out dream teams and stats, etc. We have two dogs that are an endless source of amusement when the boys are at home. And I second the suggestion for musical instruments -- mine both play instruments. As for conversation -- I find long car rides (we commute to school) are fertile. I usually don't let them use their I-touches, and this forces conversation. Good luck!

Wow! I love the cooking thing. When my 15 yr old was around 12 he was really into reading the Redwall series. He actually asked me for the Redwall cookbook so he could make some of the yummy dishes that are described in such detail in the books. After a few weeks he lost interest in cooking. I do have him help me sometimes with the dinner prep. I wish he was still interested.

[Anonymous]

Swimming pool is great. Teams are nearly finished. There are still programs looking for kids to help w/ summer camps.
Maybe a computer programming camp, which is still screen time, but supervised and they might learn something useful. And some, like TIC (3 locations) require sports too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's ablity to entertain himself seems to have contracted to the point where it's TV, video games, or the internet. What do other boys do when they're home alone, or home with a parent who is busy?

Pornography and masturbation, probably.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were just talking about this same issue as it relates to our 14 yr old. He needs some type of hobby because all he does is electronics. We want to eliminate screen time during the school year (weekdays) but when he finishes his homework he doesn't know what to do and wants to play on-line xbox with his friends. Part of me wants to allow him to participate because it is somewhat social (he played last year) but I think he will work harder on his homework if he isn't hurrying to finish so he can get on xbox. It's also not a battle I like to fight every night. (how much time, is homework done) I'd rather just limit it to weekends. But I'd like him to have something he's excited about doing besides video games. He used to like to read, but has somehow lost interest.
He does like to build things - is anyone's DS involved in any building type activities (besides legos)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were just talking about this same issue as it relates to our 14 yr old. He needs some type of hobby because all he does is electronics. We want to eliminate screen time during the school year (weekdays) but when he finishes his homework he doesn't know what to do and wants to play on-line xbox with his friends. Part of me wants to allow him to participate because it is somewhat social (he played last year) but I think he will work harder on his homework if he isn't hurrying to finish so he can get on xbox. It's also not a battle I like to fight every night. (how much time, is homework done) I'd rather just limit it to weekends. But I'd like him to have something he's excited about doing besides video games. He used to like to read, but has somehow lost interest.
He does like to build things - is anyone's DS involved in any building type activities (besides legos)?

If he's 14, I think it's perfectly fine to let him play xbox online with his friends once he's done with his homework, as long as you dont let it get out of control

[Anonymous]

I think it's the issue of not having any idea what else to do, that is of concern.

And I think that unless parents severely curtail the use of electronics of all kinds, at least most of the week, these kids won't get bored enough to be open to other options.

Computer games, and surfing the internet, and chatting with friends online, can be really seductive (says the woman on line at almost midnight!) amd itfills up the space you have in your brain for just about anything else.

If you ask your teen boy if he'd like to take an afternoon class, join a club, build something, do something --- and the other option is hang out at home and play games online.... he'll probably shoose to stay at home and play something. WHy leave what is familiar?

It is only when he has the opportunity to be really bored for a while (no electronics) that he may finally let himself go somewhere, attend something, volunteer, anything to relieve the bordeom.

I think you need to curtail the gaming and internet use first, for a while, but the be ready to present other options, which at 13 or 14 may be hard at first. It is especially hard to find other boys of the same age who aren't hooked into the electronic culture. So it'd be worth while to spend some time seeking them out, and finding what boys do in your neighborhood who aren't home playing games.

[Anonymous]

DS is 12 and has started hacking into web game sites. In one sense I appreciate it because he's dowloaded and is teaching himself visual basic. But we're waiting for the FBI to knock. He's already gotten into 2 sites. I've suggested writing apps for money and he likes that idea but it may be beyond his skill level. Yes, he does day camps to keep otherwise occupied. Does anybody else have this problem?

We got him a guitar and it's a great diversion.

[Anonymous]

18:44 again. I should clarify that he does have limits on screen time. Also, we've explained that hacking into membership/paid sites is like stealing.

So he hacks into free games, to do things like raise his skill level or power within the sites, without doing any actual work on the sites' tasks. Should we stop him from doing it at all?