Teen's therapist having policy to not tell parents if teen talks about drug use or alcohol use?

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks, just wanted to know if this was normal or not.

She does talk about alcohol and drugs with me.

I think it would help for me to understand possible ways the therapist would respond to substance use issues as pp said theirs shared. This therapist has a religious background according to DD and has said a few things to DD that she noticed were unusual. But not dealbreakers, just made me wonder and feel uncomfortable in general.

I have talked about my views on using with the therapist, therapist agreed absolutely would not be healthy for DD to drink even a little and suggested some additional ways I can respond that she thiught might work. Therapist thinks I'm doing a great job blah blah blah.

It's just if DD wants to purposefully choose to self-destruct, absolutely I'm not responding the same as if she wants to at least try to show up healthfully in her life.

Like she tries something, doesn't like it, therapist responds helpfully, dd doesn't do it again anytime soon - great. She starts gaslighting me and starts using therapy to talk about cool drunk stuff at parties - not great. I can't afford that. I have limited resources and if thats the case she can do therapy when she's attempting healthy habits, now or when she's older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good therapeutic relationship is impossible without complete trust. If the therapist might reveal confidences to a parent (or anyone else), there isn't going to be sufficient trust for therapy to be effective.

+1 Sorry OP. You can always find out the old-fashioned way by snooping and covering your tracks. You could make certain privileges dependent on a random drug test. I know someone who did the latter, the privileges in question were use of the car and parents paying for the child's expensive extracurriculars. That kid quit using as soon as she found out her $$$ horseback riding lessons were on the line. But as others have said, you don't want to damage the child's trust in the therapist, so long as you think the therapist is helping overall.

[Anonymous]

From legal.perspecrive, The only way for a minor teen to get alcohol or drugs is via child abuse by someone, so I don't understand how it's legal for mandatory reporter like a therapist to keep it secret.

[Anonymous]

A clarification for everyone concerned about therapists being mandated reporters and “keeping secrets.” Mandated reporters report to law enforcement and/or whatever the state agency is that protects child welfare, not parents. Beyond that, decisions regarding what to disclose to a parent when the client is a minor need to be HIPAA compliant and understood/agreed upon by clients in advance and should be developmentally appropriate in order to facilitate meaningful therapy. There is no obligation to tell parents about drug and alcohol use (just as there is no obligation for other types of health care providers to do so).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From legal.perspecrive, The only way for a minor teen to get alcohol or drugs is via child abuse by someone, so I don't understand how it's legal for mandatory reporter like a therapist to keep it secret.

???

Or from a friend. Or sampling parents’ alcohol after they’ve gone to bed. Plenty of ways to get alcohol without “child abuse.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like we have hit on why your kid might need therapy. The call is coming from inside the house.

NP. GMAFB. Do you have a kid with mental health struggles? Are you living that roller coaster right now? Then shut the F up. But perhaps blaming a parent for their kid’s mental illness gave you the boost you needed this morning?

OP was only asking. It is one of those murky areas ethically, even though the policy is clear. OP did not say they are going to pull their kid out of therapy - they were only inquiring snd expressing an understandable concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks, just wanted to know if this was normal or not.

She does talk about alcohol and drugs with me.

I think it would help for me to understand possible ways the therapist would respond to substance use issues as pp said theirs shared. This therapist has a religious background according to DD and has said a few things to DD that she noticed were unusual. But not dealbreakers, just made me wonder and feel uncomfortable in general.

I have talked about my views on using with the therapist, therapist agreed absolutely would not be healthy for DD to drink even a little and suggested some additional ways I can respond that she thiught might work. Therapist thinks I'm doing a great job blah blah blah.

It's just if DD wants to purposefully choose to self-destruct, absolutely I'm not responding the same as if she wants to at least try to show up healthfully in her life.

Like she tries something, doesn't like it, therapist responds helpfully, dd doesn't do it again anytime soon - great. She starts gaslighting me and starts using therapy to talk about cool drunk stuff at parties - not great. I can't afford that. I have limited resources and if thats the case she can do therapy when she's attempting healthy habits, now or when she's older.

Have your DD listen to a recent Hidden Brain podcast that explains the brain chemistry of addiction and why drugs (even pot) cause not cure depression and anxiety. Link to the first episode below.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-paradox-of-pleasure/id1028908750?i=1000620624332

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this common? DD16 has a decent psychologist, but this policy bothers me and I'm wondering if it's common.

The therapist said it is to have trust in the client/psychologist relationship, not a reporting to parents dynamic.

I'm concerned if it creates an I told an adult/it's absolved/there's no consequences/may as well keep doing it attitude.

So two questions - is this common, and even if not would you agree to it.

Teen has had significant mental emotional issues and I'm firm on no substance use as its bad enough without adding that to the mix.

Right to privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this common? DD16 has a decent psychologist, but this policy bothers me and I'm wondering if it's common.

The therapist said it is to have trust in the client/psychologist relationship, not a reporting to parents dynamic.

I'm concerned if it creates an I told an adult/it's absolved/there's no consequences/may as well keep doing it attitude.

So two questions - is this common, and even if not would you agree to it.

Teen has had significant mental emotional issues and I'm firm on no substance use as its bad enough without adding that to the mix.

This is normal unless child is endangering self. You can request to speak with therapist separately and express concerns and therapist should not disclose personal confidential info with you. See if therapist will schedule a meeting with you both.

[Anonymous]

The therapist should help building trust with parents, not putting against them or hiding serious issues.
I would change the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks, just wanted to know if this was normal or not.

She does talk about alcohol and drugs with me.

I think it would help for me to understand possible ways the therapist would respond to substance use issues as pp said theirs shared. This therapist has a religious background according to DD and has said a few things to DD that she noticed were unusual. But not dealbreakers, just made me wonder and feel uncomfortable in general.

I have talked about my views on using with the therapist, therapist agreed absolutely would not be healthy for DD to drink even a little and suggested some additional ways I can respond that she thiught might work. Therapist thinks I'm doing a great job blah blah blah.

It's just if DD wants to purposefully choose to self-destruct, absolutely I'm not responding the same as if she wants to at least try to show up healthfully in her life.

Like she tries something, doesn't like it, therapist responds helpfully, dd doesn't do it again anytime soon - great. She starts gaslighting me and starts using therapy to talk about cool drunk stuff at parties - not great. I can't afford that. I have limited resources and if thats the case she can do therapy when she's attempting healthy habits, now or when she's older.

It sounds like you have no trust in the therapy process or your daughter's therapist. Do you, DD, her other parent if that person is on the scene, and therapist check in together at various points?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would drug test your kid.

This right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The therapist should help building trust with parents, not putting against them or hiding serious issues.
I would change the therapist.

I agree. My child's first therapist was unethical, imo. She wanted to communicate with him between sessions without my being in the loop. He was 13. His new therapist told us that my ds is a minor and we absolutely have the right to be informed. My ds is now 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this common? DD16 has a decent psychologist, but this policy bothers me and I'm wondering if it's common.

The therapist said it is to have trust in the client/psychologist relationship, not a reporting to parents dynamic.

I'm concerned if it creates an I told an adult/it's absolved/there's no consequences/may as well keep doing it attitude.

So two questions - is this common, and even if not would you agree to it.

Teen has had significant mental emotional issues and I'm firm on no substance use as its bad enough without adding that to the mix.

I think it's common. Our agreement, signed by us and DS, was that the therapist would not disclose drinking / alcohol use / pornography unless it was extreme (I'm paraphrasing - there was an out, but an unlikely one.) If the alternative is no therapy, yes, I would sign it again.

[Anonymous]

I am currently in school to be a therapist. I have also had a kid in therapy from the time she was 14 and dealing with serious issues like cutting, suicidal ideation, and an eating disorder. She is now over 18.

As a therapist, you are only required to inform the parent if the client is a danger to themselves or others. Drug and alcohol use would not necessarily qualify unless it was hoarding pills for a suicide attempt or something like that.

As a parent, I agreed to a policy similar to what your DD's therapist has and I would again. It was not always comfortable. Of course I wanted to know everything that was going on with her, especially when I knew some of it was scary. When the therapist felt there was something DD should share with me (usually around cutting or increased suicidal thoughts), she would call me in at the end of the session and she and DD would talk to me together (obviously with DD's consent). There was a lot they didn't tell me and that's ok too. I am grateful DD had that safe space to talk about serious issues she didn't feel like she could share with me.