Things, experiences, or wealth?

[Anonymous]

Experiences-though I don’t think experiences have to be expensive. We have had some great adventures in non-exotic places that have become favorite family stories. I never regret taking time and money to visit far away friends and family.

Wealth-again, in moderation. Being financially sound is important to me, and I’m a saver. I want my kids to have a good foundation and leave them something. But I don’t need to be DCUM wealthy, and don’t expect to leave my kids millions.

Things are in far distant last place. Fashion and expensive bags bore me. My car is 11 years old. I have an iPhone 8 and no plan to upgrade it. I have material things I care about but it tends to be more for sentimental/traditional reasons than anything.

[Anonymous]

I think I most value experiences, although a safari in Africa isn’t terribly interesting to me so in the second question I’m a saver; that money would go to my kids’ 529s. But I will say that I think the experiences I value are relationships with people more than eg weird and wonderful travel so I don’t blow that it needs to be either/or. And I will also say that I feel like I need a bare minimum of wealth saved and material goods to value the experiences. So basic material goods are most important to me even though I value experiences more and would save on your follow-up. I’m totally uninterested in designer clothing or bags, but I can’t imagine being happy if I were worried I wouldn’t be able to replace clothing that wore out even if I had access to the best experiences life has to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I were talking about this today and curious the mindset of folks here —

Would you rather have things, experiences, or generational wealth? Now most are going to say all three so here’s the followup: what is the balance between the three?

Would you rather have a closet full of designer handbags or go on Safari to Africa? Or would you rather just save all of the money for the next generation?

For those who are savers, particularly saving above and beyond for retirement, if you were diagnosed as terminal tomorrow, would you regret not spending more on things or experiences?

I look at it differently.. To me Health>Wealth>Happiness. You need to be healthy to accumulate wealth. You need wealth to pursue happiness. What happiness is different for different folk - For some it's 100 designer handbags, for some it's a trip to a different location every month, for others it may be counting their cash and seeing it grow and not care about experiences or handbags. One is not better than the other, just different.

[Anonymous]

Having seen multiple friends fall into homelessness for lack of a safety net, I’d say wealth. If you can save enough to help your kids, you should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Horses!

Made me laugh but also + 100

[Anonymous]

Oh I like this one OP. I may be a bit jaded because I have experienced a lot of loss early. Parents, siblings, etc. and I also make a really great living so we are comfortable. Not big houses and stuff but my 4 kids want for nothing. I think it is experiences but not like a safari in Africa. It was being able to spend a maternity leave with my parents because I had two under two and a newborn and DH with a new job who was traveling. Or making it to all of my kids very untalented talking shows because my job is flexible. Or doing the sports every weekend. It is spending time with each kid visiting colleges. Or just tonight my DH and I started a new show and laughed a lot and I couldn't think of anyone else I would want to do that with.

So it is the quiet, everyday experiences that I pick. I do think back to those times with my parents and siblings when I was younger and before so many died. It is always the stupid trip to the zoo or the terrible vacation on a house boat I think of and laugh. Not the inheritance or the trips for Europe.

[Anonymous]

I don't care about generational wealth, but I do care about having enough money for good elder care should I live that long. I currently help pay for my mother's assisted living, and I do not want to put that burden on my kids. So security/building wealth is #1, then experiences, then things.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have benefitted from generational growth wealth you may have no idea of the “experiences” it can provide. Not living in deprivation for years bc you are saving for a downpayment, or college, or retirement and not losing sleep over mortgage payments is an experience most people would value more than the next designer handbag or five star hotel stay.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if this fits into experiences or things but my number #1 priority is the ease of daily life - so outsourcing house cleaning, high quality food and restaurants, not thinking twice about taking daughter to the aquarium, Farmer’s Market sprees, being able to quickly send $150 flowers to friends having a rough time, etc. I care less about things like going on safaris. My parents were extremely frugal in their day to day lives and would save up for expensive international 3 week trips. I loved the trips but hated how much we scrimped and saved so I decided early on that I’m fine with less travel (international trips every 3 years) and higher quality of daily life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Experiences
Wealth
Things

That’s my order.

+1

[Anonymous]

It would be nice to have generational wealth, but I have never been concerned about creating it or leaving it. Maybe because I only have one child or maybe because I didn't/won't get any.

[Anonymous]

I spend my money where is counts. Like one of the PPs said - there is no substitute for good quality high-thread count sheets. You won’t catch me with a Gucci handbag, ever. I do value experiences where I bond with people. Our family skis a lot, so we invested in good quality lessons when our kids were 3 and bought a ski home; we get about 15 days on the mountain a year. We travel to visit family overseas and spend money when we are with them. That said experiences like a Pink or Taylor Swift concert, although I like their music, will not increase the quality of my life one iota, so I will never buy a ticket. I buy my kids clothing that will allow them to fit in, but never be at the height of fashion (hard no to Golden Goose shoes!). With this - I actually bought 2 ski homes - one for each kid, held in trust. This ensures my grandkids will also have this experience. When I retire, I’ll buy something small for myself in the area. So, my priorities are BONDING experiences, then generational wealth. Things are just for comfort along the way, like a good night’s sleep, healthy delicious food, comfortable warm clothing, etc. - nothing fancy or showy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I were talking about this today and curious the mindset of folks here —

Would you rather have things, experiences, or generational wealth? Now most are going to say all three so here’s the followup: what is the balance between the three?

Would you rather have a closet full of designer handbags or go on Safari to Africa? Or would you rather just save all of the money for the next generation?

For those who are savers, particularly saving above and beyond for retirement, if you were diagnosed as terminal tomorrow, would you regret not spending more on things or experiences?

I would say it’s a combination of all three. It’s hard to manage all three, but don’t discount the joy that an item might bring, the fun experience you can share, traveling, and the security of a savings. So many people like Suze Orman say, save, save, save, save, and never buy luxury items. I’m not sure I agree with this. Regardless: It differs for each person and personality and each families’ collective personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend my money where is counts. Like one of the PPs said - there is no substitute for good quality high-thread count sheets. You won’t catch me with a Gucci handbag, ever. I do value experiences where I bond with people. Our family skis a lot, so we invested in good quality lessons when our kids were 3 and bought a ski home; we get about 15 days on the mountain a year. We travel to visit family overseas and spend money when we are with them. That said experiences like a Pink or Taylor Swift concert, although I like their music, will not increase the quality of my life one iota, so I will never buy a ticket. I buy my kids clothing that will allow them to fit in, but never be at the height of fashion (hard no to Golden Goose shoes!). With this - I actually bought 2 ski homes - one for each kid, held in trust. This ensures my grandkids will also have this experience. When I retire, I’ll buy something small for myself in the area. So, my priorities are BONDING experiences, then generational wealth. Things are just for comfort along the way, like a good night’s sleep, healthy delicious food, comfortable warm clothing, etc. - nothing fancy or showy.

We’re a skiing family too. I’m interested in your ski homes. A few QQs?

-How good is your family? I ask because my DW, my DD, and I are experts that generally ski double blacks out west, and I’m worried everyone would quickly get bored of anything in the mid-Atlantic, especially as the younger kids advance.

- Are your 2 ski homes in the same area? What state(s)?

- How many BRs in each house? I’d be torn between buying something just large enough for our family vs something large enough for multiple families (we have 3 kids).

- Do you rent it out?

- I’ve considered buying a place in Colorado (we live in DC). We’d use it at least 3 times per season, but I don’t know if family would go with us (flight $$$). Friends likely would, though.

- We like to visit lots of places, and sometimes Chase storms. This is one thing that has held us back. Do you pretty much always ski at your home mountain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spend my money where is counts. Like one of the PPs said - there is no substitute for good quality high-thread count sheets. You won’t catch me with a Gucci handbag, ever. I do value experiences where I bond with people. Our family skis a lot, so we invested in good quality lessons when our kids were 3 and bought a ski home; we get about 15 days on the mountain a year. We travel to visit family overseas and spend money when we are with them. That said experiences like a Pink or Taylor Swift concert, although I like their music, will not increase the quality of my life one iota, so I will never buy a ticket. I buy my kids clothing that will allow them to fit in, but never be at the height of fashion (hard no to Golden Goose shoes!). With this - I actually bought 2 ski homes - one for each kid, held in trust. This ensures my grandkids will also have this experience. When I retire, I’ll buy something small for myself in the area. So, my priorities are BONDING experiences, then generational wealth. Things are just for comfort along the way, like a good night’s sleep, healthy delicious food, comfortable warm clothing, etc. - nothing fancy or showy.

I completely agree with you about the bonding experiences . But the "ensures" here seems a stretch--skiing may no longer be a thing with climate change, your kids may not have kids, their spouse may hate skiing, they may not have vacation time that they want to spend that way etc. Not to be nitpicky, but some of the generational wealth thinking seems to want to control and institute one's values down the line--and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.