It is possible to have kids then a career

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who had kids in her early 20s and then got a PhD in her early 40s. I think if you are in good health, this can be great because you can truly focus on career once you've raise (or mostly raised) your kids.

It's very hard for women in their 20s and 30s to truly invest in careers while also trying to find a partner and have kids while they are still fertile. It's obviously possible (I did it) but it's hard and stressful and there are definitely other career choices I would have made if I hadn't been trying to do both at the same time. And then there's the dance you do once you've established your career and have kids, and have to juggle being a mom to very young children while in your peak career years (late 30s/early 40s). It's hard.

But I don't think any of it is easy. Going back to school in my mid-30s and starting a career in my late 30s or early 40s sounds hard as hell, especially if I also had teens or even adult kids because it's not like you have NO family obligations.

Really the main issue is just that we delegate so much of parenting/childcare to mostly women and even the really "involved" dads gets lower expectations and less pressure on the parenting front which helps them to focus more on work. As a working mom, I feel like my brain is just stretched to its absolute max trying to juggle everything I need to juggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have kids after done with career. My wife worked all through college got a job at an investment bank and did it 16 years till totally burnt out

Had a kid 36, 38 and 42. Her little group of moms with MBA all left workforce between 36-45 for good

Sounds backwards. But they all retired by 40.

This is the way all my Ivy finance grads do it, men and women. They drive hard for 15 years earning a few $M, then retire to be a baker or SAHM.

They key is to be able to jump into those $$$ roles and live it. Read Bully market.

[Anonymous]

I got married and had my three kids very young. I'm now 45, divorced, and all the kids are grown. It feels great to be able to focus fully on my career with no family obligations, plus my health is good, and I still look decent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have kids after done with career. My wife worked all through college got a job at an investment bank and did it 16 years till totally burnt out

Had a kid 36, 38 and 42. Her little group of moms with MBA all left workforce between 36-45 for good

Sounds backwards. But they all retired by 40.

I did basically the same thing but ALSO had kids while working that grind job.

[Anonymous]

So either earn mad money in 20s or nail down Mr Right and pop out kids in your 20s. Neither is an easy task

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married and had my three kids very young. I'm now 45, divorced, and all the kids are grown. It feels great to be able to focus fully on my career with no family obligations, plus my health is good, and I still look decent.

What’s your Snapchat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have kids after done with career. My wife worked all through college got a job at an investment bank and did it 16 years till totally burnt out

Had a kid 36, 38 and 42. Her little group of moms with MBA all left workforce between 36-45 for good

Sounds backwards. But they all retired by 40.

Yeah, but their career was in investing banking, nothing to be proud of!

[Anonymous]

My cousin dropped out of college to have a baby with her high school boyfriend. She worked as a paralegal for years while she finished college and put her boyfriend through a useless masters in literature. Had a second baby. When her kids were in high school, she went to law school and is now a top lawyer in Massachusetts. My other cousin and I did things the "right" way, worked until our 30's, had babies and are now stuck in boring, low paying second careers.

My mom had babies at 20 and only has a year of college - but is an elected politician in Florida (and the only elected Dem in her county)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My alumni magazine featured Helene Kaplan recently. She finished college, got married then 10 years and two kids later went to law school. Joined Skadden and has a long list of accomplishments and extensive involvement in various organizations.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg had one of her two kids before going to law school.

I had kids rather late (36 and 38), actually spent 7 years in a different career, then 7 years as SAHM. Re-entered the workforce in mid-40s and now in corporate firm. I wish I had more time to develop my career uninterrupted like the two women I mentioned earlier had AND had more time to live out life with kids and grandkids.

Kaplan most likely missed a significant portion of her kids' middle and high school years so I wouldn't say she had it all. She made a choice just like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. She joined Skadden as of counsel in 1991 (at 57-58 or so). Before then, she was a partner doing trusts and estates at a small firm and then also held some kind of government advisory role in the 1980s. She appears to have been a reasonably well-connected New Yorker who was also married to another lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had kids in her early 20s and then got a PhD in her early 40s. I think if you are in good health, this can be great because you can truly focus on career once you've raise (or mostly raised) your kids.

It's very hard for women in their 20s and 30s to truly invest in careers while also trying to find a partner and have kids while they are still fertile. It's obviously possible (I did it) but it's hard and stressful and there are definitely other career choices I would have made if I hadn't been trying to do both at the same time. And then there's the dance you do once you've established your career and have kids, and have to juggle being a mom to very young children while in your peak career years (late 30s/early 40s). It's hard.

But I don't think any of it is easy. Going back to school in my mid-30s and starting a career in my late 30s or early 40s sounds hard as hell, especially if I also had teens or even adult kids because it's not like you have NO family obligations.

Really the main issue is just that we delegate so much of parenting/childcare to mostly women and even the really "involved" dads gets lower expectations and less pressure on the parenting front which helps them to focus more on work. As a working mom, I feel like my brain is just stretched to its absolute max trying to juggle everything I need to juggle.

Agreed on this. I’m raising my kids while midcareer (30s) and I definitely feel a bit foundering but I’m not convinced it would be easier in another order. I know someone who has her one child at 28 while doing her PhD — her husband never really had a “career” just floated between odd jobs that worked well to split time so they didn’t have to pay for childcare and stay at home parenting — and she still seemed to really take off in her career when her daughter went to off to college. I think she has some things easier than me and some things harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. She joined Skadden as of counsel in 1991 (at 57-58 or so). Before then, she was a partner doing trusts and estates at a small firm and then also held some kind of government advisory role in the 1980s. She appears to have been a reasonably well-connected New Yorker who was also married to another lawyer.

Got it, I didn't read her bio and assumed from the OP that she went straight there after law school.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of friends who did this.

One got married and had kids after college then went back and got her masters degree and then ultimately her doctorate in psychology/counseling. She eventually opened her own practice. Now she’s an empty nester and she and her retired husband downsized their home during Covid. now she does virtual counseling out of her home office.

[Anonymous]

My mom had her kids at 27, 29, 30 and stayed home. (She worked until 2 days before the eldest was born.) She went back to work at 37 and managed a real estate office. She worked 9-4 during the week and 8-12 on Saturdays. 5 minutes from home; no commute. We were raised to be very independent and it worked out well for all of us.

My own secret is the same as a PP -- I stuck to having one kid, at age 41. Easy peasy, even as a single mom by choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My alumni magazine featured Helene Kaplan recently. She finished college, got married then 10 years and two kids later went to law school. Joined Skadden and has a long list of accomplishments and extensive involvement in various organizations.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg had one of her two kids before going to law school.

I had kids rather late (36 and 38), actually spent 7 years in a different career, then 7 years as SAHM. Re-entered the workforce in mid-40s and now in corporate firm. I wish I had more time to develop my career uninterrupted like the two women I mentioned earlier had AND had more time to live out life with kids and grandkids.

Kaplan most likely missed a significant portion of her kids' middle and high school years so I wouldn't say she had it all. She made a choice just like everyone else.

By the time my kids were in middle school, they did not need me much anymore except for food. They try their damnedest not to be seen with me when they are with their peers although sometimes they will come say hi when I am working the high school school swag table but it all depends on their mood. We live in NYC and they get around on the subways and citibike on their own (one of the benefits of living in a city with good transit, I'm not a chauffeur). They are in SHS schools so I pretty much don't need to monitor them, they are hard on themselves. These days I'm working about 60+ hours/week but thankfully most of it from home.

Before I started working I spent a crap ton of time with them and those were the years where it counted - they tested into excellent schools and went into cruise control after elementary.