“Don’t sweat the small stuff”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of adult children I would not tell any moms of infants and toddlers that the stuff they are concerned about doesn't matter because ultimately it all matters. Do you think all kids turn out the same no matter how they were raised?

Pretty much, yeah. Or, more specifically, outside of truly phenomenal or truly crappy parenting (say top 15% or bottom 15%), how a person turns out is about them, not their parents.

+1

Very little of any of this stuff actually matters in the long run. No, CIO at six months isn’t going to give them lifelong attachment problems. The cupcake or juice box that your toddler gets at a bday party isn’t going to lead to lifelong obesity problems. Screen time is waaaaay less damaging than modern parents think. Even unlimited screen time - which very few people do - isn’t going to do anything to them. It doesn’t matter where your kid goes to preschool, especially when the choice is between private school A & B.

I often feel like telling parents like this ^ to get over themselves. I don’t but it would probably do them good to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of adult children I would not tell any moms of infants and toddlers that the stuff they are concerned about doesn't matter because ultimately it all matters. Do you think all kids turn out the same no matter how they were raised?

Pretty much, yeah. Or, more specifically, outside of truly phenomenal or truly crappy parenting (say top 15% or bottom 15%), how a person turns out is about them, not their parents.

+1

Very little of any of this stuff actually matters in the long run. No, CIO at six months isn’t going to give them lifelong attachment problems. The cupcake or juice box that your toddler gets at a bday party isn’t going to lead to lifelong obesity problems. Screen time is waaaaay less damaging than modern parents think. Even unlimited screen time - which very few people do - isn’t going to do anything to them. It doesn’t matter where your kid goes to preschool, especially when the choice is between private school A & B.

I often feel like telling parents like this ^ to get over themselves. I don’t but it would probably do them good to hear it.

DP - maybe middle-ground parenting doesn’t matter a ton for most kids’ outcomes, but how people parent often does impact the quality of their lives.

Regardless, it’s condescending AF to say anything like this unless someone directly asks you for advice. Empathize first, patronize later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of adult children I would not tell any moms of infants and toddlers that the stuff they are concerned about doesn't matter because ultimately it all matters. Do you think all kids turn out the same no matter how they were raised?

Pretty much, yeah. Or, more specifically, outside of truly phenomenal or truly crappy parenting (say top 15% or bottom 15%), how a person turns out is about them, not their parents.

+1

Very little of any of this stuff actually matters in the long run. No, CIO at six months isn’t going to give them lifelong attachment problems. The cupcake or juice box that your toddler gets at a bday party isn’t going to lead to lifelong obesity problems. Screen time is waaaaay less damaging than modern parents think. Even unlimited screen time - which very few people do - isn’t going to do anything to them. It doesn’t matter where your kid goes to preschool, especially when the choice is between private school A & B.

I often feel like telling parents like this ^ to get over themselves. I don’t but it would probably do them good to hear it.

This is so blatantly untrue it’s laughable. I know you think nothing has an impact on the human population but reading actually *is* important. You should read a book. Can start with any book really but one that cites childhood development research would do you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of adult children I would not tell any moms of infants and toddlers that the stuff they are concerned about doesn't matter because ultimately it all matters. Do you think all kids turn out the same no matter how they were raised?

Pretty much, yeah. Or, more specifically, outside of truly phenomenal or truly crappy parenting (say top 15% or bottom 15%), how a person turns out is about them, not their parents.

+1

Very little of any of this stuff actually matters in the long run. No, CIO at six months isn’t going to give them lifelong attachment problems. The cupcake or juice box that your toddler gets at a bday party isn’t going to lead to lifelong obesity problems. Screen time is waaaaay less damaging than modern parents think. Even unlimited screen time - which very few people do - isn’t going to do anything to them. It doesn’t matter where your kid goes to preschool, especially when the choice is between private school A & B.

I often feel like telling parents like this ^ to get over themselves. I don’t but it would probably do them good to hear it.

This is so blatantly untrue it’s laughable. I know you think nothing has an impact on the human population but reading actually *is* important. You should read a book. Can start with any book really but one that cites childhood development research would do you well.

Yes, it absolutely matters. It may not all matter when they're 40 but it totally matters for their experience of childhood and your experience of parenthood. Kids with unlimited screen time get addicted to instant gratification. Kids who eat junk all the time get fat. Kids who are not corrected from rude behaviors are rude at school. Kids who aren't trained to sleep at night (not necessarily with CIO but with some kind of routine) keep their parents awake for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of adult children I would not tell any moms of infants and toddlers that the stuff they are concerned about doesn't matter because ultimately it all matters. Do you think all kids turn out the same no matter how they were raised?

Pretty much, yeah. Or, more specifically, outside of truly phenomenal or truly crappy parenting (say top 15% or bottom 15%), how a person turns out is about them, not their parents.

+1

Very little of any of this stuff actually matters in the long run. No, CIO at six months isn’t going to give them lifelong attachment problems. The cupcake or juice box that your toddler gets at a bday party isn’t going to lead to lifelong obesity problems. Screen time is waaaaay less damaging than modern parents think. Even unlimited screen time - which very few people do - isn’t going to do anything to them. It doesn’t matter where your kid goes to preschool, especially when the choice is between private school A & B.

I often feel like telling parents like this ^ to get over themselves. I don’t but it would probably do them good to hear it.

This is so blatantly untrue it’s laughable. I know you think nothing has an impact on the human population but reading actually *is* important. You should read a book. Can start with any book really but one that cites childhood development research would do you well.

Yes, it absolutely matters. It may not all matter when they're 40 but it totally matters for their experience of childhood and your experience of parenthood. Kids with unlimited screen time get addicted to instant gratification. Kids who eat junk all the time get fat. Kids who are not corrected from rude behaviors are rude at school. Kids who aren't trained to sleep at night (not necessarily with CIO but with some kind of routine) keep their parents awake for years.

You didn’t read that persons OP did you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get where you are coming from - I had kids 5-7 years before most of my friends did. But i also agree with others that it's kind of annoying/dismissive to say that some of these decisions don't matter. I think the right approach is talking about your own experience with this stuff instead of giving any advice. For instance, I have a lot of friends who agonize over breastfeeding, which I did too when i had my first. I often share my experience, which is that I had massive anxiety and lost sleep and precious time with my infant trying to increase my supply, and I regret that because we were both happier and healthier when I switched to combo feeding. And that's it - no "so you should do X," but just listen and empathize, and I think your friends will benefit from the wisdom you share that way.

[Anonymous]

OP, it doesn't matter to you because your children are older. Your friends are trying to keep their vulnerable young children safe and healthy. I've made decisions regarding my young child that absolutely will affect her for the rest of her life (intervening early when we noticed an issue with her behavior that can lead to issues down the line). These decisions matter, either in the present and/or for the child's future.