Is it normal to feel deep hatred toward a sibling for being a leech of your parents?

[Anonymous]

This is occurring in my husbands family.
His youngest and oldest siblings just don’t work - but could.
We work our a$$es off. And ask for nothing. Nor would we ever.
Some ppl, however, just have no clue.

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling like that. They have sucked half my Mom’s life savings paying legal fees to keep them out of trouble. They do have mental health issues, specifically bipolar and sociopath.

But, not my money and she would probably have guilt for not trying to help them. Not really my business either. I have my own life to worry about. But it is sad. That money was for her to enjoy and use in her retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why you’re getting so mad about choices other adults are making.

OP here my parents are relatively high income but have significant CC debt & spend money like crazy. I am worried I’ll be left taking cover of them someday.

Bring it up now that you are worried for their financial future and ask if they’re in a good place with retirement and long term care insurance. Add “I’m glad Sis is there to take care of things, but you’ll need your finances to last.”

[Anonymous]

My cousins are in this situation. I've posted on here before about my cousin. She's now in her early 50s. She moved to LA in the early 1990s. Her parents bought her a car just recently. So, it doesn't really end.

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, no, it's not normal or healthy to feel deep hatred toward a sibling.

People tend to want to support helpless babies. Your parents are doing this because your sibling's baby isn't at fault. Expect this to continue. Your sibling's baby will most likely always be the favorite in the family. Learn to accept this reality. And the baby will most likely grow into an adult who is just like her mother. LoL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a very similar family situation. I was in college, taking student loans & trying to make rent while my mom would bring home piles of brand new stuff for my then-little nephew a week: stuff straight from the local Carter’s store, more piles of new clothes from Old Navy, toys, food, reusable water bottles, books etc. She spent like crazy on this child. My younger sibling was in middle school at the time.

My mom openly admitted to me that she wasn’t sure when & if she’d ever have another grandchild, so might as well go all out on this one.

1. Those costs are nothing next to college costs. You were an adult and presumably functional enough. It often happens that parents let the more capable child fend a little more for themselves while they deal with the one with more needs. My neighbor and I, both with one autistic kid and one neurotypical kid, have to do this. We only have two arms and so much bandwidth.

2. Excuse me, do you mean to say that your sibling who had a child was in middle school at the time?!? Who do you think was going to provide the baby stuff?

My goodness, you want to take another crack at that one?

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel hatred toward my sibling in this situation but a lot of anxiety about what is going to happen when my parents are no longer around to fund her lifestyle.

My parents are constantly shelling out money (most recently to cover the mortgage she couldn’t pay). Meanwhile she has a new car and her kids have brand new clothes, video games, etc. I have no clue what she’s going to do when they pass and there is no more money. It stresses me out.

[Anonymous]

Seems like you should be just as angry at your parents. I don’t understand why you’re only blaming your sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t feel hatred toward my sibling in this situation but a lot of anxiety about what is going to happen when my parents are no longer around to fund her lifestyle.

My parents are constantly shelling out money (most recently to cover the mortgage she couldn’t pay). Meanwhile she has a new car and her kids have brand new clothes, video games, etc. I have no clue what she’s going to do when they pass and there is no more money. It stresses me out.

My cousin is in her early 50s. She does this with friends, too. I'm the only person who tells her "no." And she sometimes cuts me off and out of her life. She's really like a toddler who throws tantrums. Plenty of other adults will support it. I'm amazed sometimes. It takes a willingness to be completely dependent and at the mercy of other people. For example, she flew from LA to Atlanta, GA recently, and she called my sister's husbands sister, Alice, who lives there, to pick her up at the airport and drive her around. I honestly don't know if she's spoken to Alice since my sister's wedding in 1996. But guess what? Alice picked her up at the airport.

Me? I will pay around $200 for a rental car. I've always had better and more stable education and work history than her. I have more independence than her.

Some people would call her a moocher. She's just okay with having to depend on other people. What do these other people get out of it? Well, I guess they like taking care of someone else. She acts like she's a good listener. She's not really listening if you watch her. She's looking at the split ends of her hair, and she's playing with her hair the whole time someone else is talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you should be just as angry at your parents. I don’t understand why you’re only blaming your sibling.

Because the mother is probably the same exact way the sister is. And OP is in denial. It hurts to much to acknowledge that your mother doesn't like you as much as the other sister. I went through this in my lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a very similar family situation. I was in college, taking student loans & trying to make rent while my mom would bring home piles of brand new stuff for my then-little nephew a week: stuff straight from the local Carter’s store, more piles of new clothes from Old Navy, toys, food, reusable water bottles, books etc. She spent like crazy on this child. My younger sibling was in middle school at the time.

My mom openly admitted to me that she wasn’t sure when & if she’d ever have another grandchild, so might as well go all out on this one.

1. Those costs are nothing next to college costs. You were an adult and presumably functional enough. It often happens that parents let the more capable child fend a little more for themselves while they deal with the one with more needs. My neighbor and I, both with one autistic kid and one neurotypical kid, have to do this. We only have two arms and so much bandwidth.

2. Excuse me, do you mean to say that your sibling who had a child was in middle school at the time?!? Who do you think was going to provide the baby stuff?

My goodness, you want to take another crack at that one?

Seriously. LOL. It’s almost as if it’s possible to have — gasp — TWO or more siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you should be just as angry at your parents. I don’t understand why you’re only blaming your sibling.

Because the mother is probably the same exact way the sister is. And OP is in denial. It hurts to much to acknowledge that your mother doesn't like you as much as the other sister. I went through this in my lifetime.

+1. I’m in my late 40s and have only come to terms with this in the last couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your hatred to your sibling will probably extend to her kid as the behavior continues. Do you have kids? I hope it doesn’t become a contest over which grandkid gets more from your parents. Second generation effects of your sisters behavior. I’d be disgusted but relieved the sister can devote her life to bathing and toileting your parents in their old age.

NP. Im in OP’s situation except that baby is now a grown man and is a weed addicted failure to launch just like his parent (my sibling). Sibling said they are under no circumstances going to bathe and toilet parents when they can’t do it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you should be just as angry at your parents. I don’t understand why you’re only blaming your sibling.

Because the mother is probably the same exact way the sister is. And OP is in denial. It hurts to much to acknowledge that your mother doesn't like you as much as the other sister. I went through this in my lifetime.

+1. I’m in my late 40s and have only come to terms with this in the last couple of years.

.

My mother is funding my brothers life. He is a lawyer but apparently not a very good one because the things he hasn't been able to afford include fertility treatments, private
Preschool and education at the Ritz lest schools in nashville, college for hos children and having a stay at home wife. Also I am pretty sure they bought his house for him. My parents are paying for things like cosmetic surgery for the wife. It is really strange. Once they bought him a boat. he is the golden child and they are gaga over his thin blonde southern wife. Me and my sister? Not so mucb. We get scraps. She likes her daughter in law more than her daughters.go figure.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry, you're not as angry now as you will be when you are inevitably the executor of your parents estate and your sibling sues you.