Your 2023 HS grad is not an adult.

[Anonymous]

I’d argue that someone who commutes 30 minutes to NoVa CC, works 35 hours/week, pays their own tuition and yes, rests their head in their childhood bedroom each night is more of a grown adult than someone who goes to a university in other country via the bank of mom & dad.

[Anonymous]

But they are still adolescents, developmentally.

(According to the American Academy of Pediatrics).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the class of 2023 is still 17--so for them, I agree with you.
18 year olds are adults. Your opinion doesn't matter, it is a legal definition.

Yes, legal. That means they have the RIGHT under the law but that does not mean they have the mental, physical, or emotional capacity to do so. Biologically, they are not adults.

So, the opinion noted DOES matter. Legal and actual are not always the same thing.

OP- get a POA or other legal papers to do some of the things you need for your kid. I know people who have this and it's good to have for a few years. Of course, the "adult" child has to agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Get out of your bubble. That was not my experience growing up, nor is it my kids’ or their friends. My kids & their friends have all had jobs since 16. Full-time in the summers and once a week & on weekends during the school year.

+1

Your bubble is toxic. Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But they are still adolescents, developmentally.

(According to the American Academy of Pediatrics).

This is the best point. The legal definition and the human development definitions are very different. Reality matters more.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are adults even if they still have some developing to do. A lot of UMC kids in my area have had summer jobs before going to college. I agree some older teens are still too immature to fully manage adult life and need support, but the majority do fine. What is your point OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Being mature & being fully financially supported by your parents are not mutually exclusive. I grew up in a very wealthy family in NYC and my parents started leaving me home alone while they traveled starting my freshman year of high school. I did some clubbing, yes. Developed excellent street smarts. Emotionally, I grew up fast.

We aren't wealthy, but we starting leaving our kids "home alone" when the oldest was 13/youngest was 8. We would be within an hour-1.5hr drive, adult friends were home and on call, oldest was very mature and knew the rules and how to order pizza/fix food, youngest often spent the night with friends, and we were gone for 1-2 nights. By the time oldest was 15, we left them home alone for 4 days while we were house hunting across the country for a move. They got themselves up each day for school (on bus at 6:30am) and did just fine (neighbor called to make sure they were up each day but that was really not needed). Kids love the responsibility, we knew they were not going to party or do anything stupid. It meant when they went to college they were extremely responsible. They knew how to navigate "adult skills" because they had progressively been doing that for 5-6 years. We always told them, we give you more responsibility over time, as long as you do well we keep letting out the leash. Do something stupid/show us you are not ready, we reign it back in and take away privleges/responsibilites until you demonstrate you are ready.
With youngest, by time they 16 and driving, we were flying 6 hours away and they were in charge of themselves for a week---all with adults who knew this and were ready to jump in to help if there was an emergency. Had covid not hit, we would have been in Europe and them home alone as well. Kids don't just magically hit the "ready to adult" in Aug for college if you don't teach them/let them learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But they are still adolescents, developmentally.

(According to the American Academy of Pediatrics).

This is the best point. The legal definition and the human development definitions are very different. Reality matters more.

Legally, you can try a fourteen year old as an adult.

But everyone knows they are NOT an adult.

[Anonymous]

[img]

Anonymous wrote:I'm getting so tired of fellow parents saying that their goofy child who graduates this month is now "all grown up and has flown the coop." These are the same parents who are about to write some of the biggest checks of their lives to cover the tuition and room and board costs of these children. Most of them have teens who have never worked a day of their life, so they've never earned a dime to support themselves and nor do they plan to for a long time. They use their parent's credit cards to shop online for clothes and games. The same parents are including these teens in their summer travel budgets, which few parents do for their adult children. And they're already buying things like pillows and towels, something my parents haven't done for me since I got my first job after college.

What is motivating these parents to want so badly to see their teens as adults at this stage in life? I could understand it if they were the type of parents who tell kids they're on their own the minute they turn 18 (no car, no phone, no free housing and food.) But these are just your basic DMV UMC teens who are buying $300 prom dresses and plotting to get hold of hard liquor and weed for the prom after party. They have zero intention to be self-supporting for at least four years.

Idk about ones you are talking about but my parenting style was similar and my kids turned out fine. I think 18 years are long enough to impart all the wisdom parents have but supporting your young adults who are setting themselves up for good education and career, isn't indulging but helping.

[Anonymous]

When do you think kids are “adults” then OP?

Does it even matter? I’ve been treating my child like an adult since he reached the age of reason. That doesn’t mean I haven’t enforced rules, but I have fewer and fewer of them as he gets closer to graduation and voting age. I’m becoming more of a counselor/partner than a boss. Some of you all have a really really hard time letting go!