Asking for special requests at restaurants

[Anonymous]

Its a restaurant. Their job is to serve you food you want. I wouldnt ask for fettucini alfredo without the dairy, but to not butter a steak is an easy and reasonable request. Red sauce instead of white sauce, no cheese please... These are easy requests that people shouldnt mind asking. If Burger King can do it "your way", then a more expensive restaurant certainly can do the same.

Why is everyone so worried about inconveniencing the restaurant/waiter?

[Anonymous]

I waited tables for many years during and between college and law school. As long as you're polite and ask nicely, it's really not a big deal to ask for reasonable things to be left off. If you're asking for 17 changes and substitutions, then maybe you need to eat at home or at another restaurant, but something as simple as no butter on the steak is fine. And you are certainly permitted to ask if a pasta sauce has cream in it! Understand that some things might not be possible - at one restaurant, a specific sauce was made ahead of time and had pancetta in it. There wasn't any way to serve the dish without it, but we could always sub a different type of pasta sauce.

Rarely you'll find a restaurant where they will not cook something a particular way - I'm thinking of Bistrot du Coin in Dupont, where they refuse to serve the hanger steak anything more than medium-rare. But that isn't so common in my experience.

[Anonymous]

To echo what others said, as long as you're reasonable in what you order, I can't imagine this is a problem. Don't order a milkshake, or something with cream sauce.

However, if you're eating French/Continental food, you may have a hard time avoiding butter. Many (most) traditional sauces contain a knob of butter added at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

It takes much more than 12 hrs for milk protein to get out of milk -- pumping and dumping wouldn't be practical.

I nursed an allergic baby for quite a long time and was dairy-free as a result. I didn't have any problem specifying what I needed to not make our next few days agony -- but I both asked very kindly and tipped very well.

For many kids a small bit of butter absolutely WILL make a difference. It was enough for my daughter to bleed into her GI tract if I consumed even small amounts, such as with cross-contamination. This is not uncommon amongst kids with allergies or intolerances, its the sensitization that can set them off not some massive quantity.

[Anonymous]

16:35 again, wanted to say that you shouldn't only say no butter on the steak (where they're thinking you just don't want the calories) but say that dairy is a problem and ask if they could please not cook the steak with any dairy, such as in the pan or whatnot. You have to be specific. I would often tell them if they needed a fat olive oil would be fine.

[Anonymous]

You may want to ask the waiter to ask the kitchen what is in certain dishes.

I used to have many food allergies and often waiters would not know everything that was in the food- once they went in the back and asked the kitchen they would come back with the right information. Many meats are stored in butter (to keep it tender) so the restaurant may not have a steak without dairy. Baked Potatoes can be rubbed in bacon grease before they are baked. Ketchup can have a meat base. The last two really bothered me, since they were both served with meals marked vegetarian and often I would be teaching the waiters something when I pointed out why I did not want that item.

If you want to be 100% sure, you really have to ask....and make sure the waiter asks the kitchen. Then tip big!

[Anonymous]

It's no big deal. I pick out a few options that seem like they don't have dairy, and then ask the waiter to check or confirm that when they come with the drink order. If there's something that already comes dairy-free, I order if. If there's something where it can be easily changed (a different side swapped in or cheese left off the top, for example) I do that.

I also have a shellfish allergy that's come up in recent years, and since so many regular (i.e. not seafood specialty) restaurants around here have shellfish on the menu, I've started to mention it when ordering something grilled, and it's usually as easy as using a pan rather than the shared grill.

We tip generously as a rule, and are polite, but being straightforward and then making an easy to accommodate choice after hearing the options has always worked fine.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is, don't mess with the people who prepare your food.

I've been there and it's not pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a restaurant. Their job is to serve you food you want. I wouldnt ask for fettucini alfredo without the dairy, but to not butter a steak is an easy and reasonable request. Red sauce instead of white sauce, no cheese please... These are easy requests that people shouldnt mind asking. If Burger King can do it "your way", then a more expensive restaurant certainly can do the same.

Why is everyone so worried about inconveniencing the restaurant/waiter?

I can't believe it took a whole page of posts for someone to say the above. This, ^ exactly. Of course you can request what you need.

Also, I eliminated dairy after months of painful green pooping and was VERY strict about it -- I learned all of the synonyms for milk and milk byproducts and scrutinized the lists! I had no problem asking if a dish was dairy or not. After 6 weeks of non dairy life (and I looove milk), it became clear that eliminating dairy was not the issue, but I know many moms have had different experiences.

FWIW, I have frequently heard that butter is sometimes (but not always) very well tolerated by baby even when milk itself is not. This is I think because the sensitivity is to the milk protein, which is not as big a part of butter as milk itself. However, a very sensitive baby will obviously be sensitive to all milk products. Some women can also have sheep or goats milk products without too much trouble; while others are sensitive to that, too. if you miss dairy, you might try experimenting to see if you can allow yourself any wiggle room.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say something like "I can't have any dairy in my meal. This is an intolerance, not just a food preference." From what I've read in Anthony Bourdain's books and "Waiter Rant," waiters hate when mere preferences are elevated to the level of food allergies. Also, don't impose other substiutions. Just this one.

Good advice. I've had friends who dislike mushrooms say their allergic to the waiter and I thought lying was annoying--not to mention bad for the people who DO have true allergies.

See I don't totally agree with this, sometimes people need to make a bigger deal out of things to have people pay more attention to them. Some servers don't care if it is a dislike, intolerance, food preference etc. But if you say "allergy" people should pay more attention.

[Anonymous]

Just don't order the dishes with obvious dairy. Those dishes with subtle dairy should not be enough to matter. Think about it.