Question for families with two working parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some jobs are jobs that people can leave for a few hrs and things won't fall apart. I'm a teacher and trying to get a sub and fill out sub plans, etc is more trouble than it is usually worth. Sadly, I miss a lot of these meetings, plays, etc. I volunteer to bring stuff in (snacks, treats, food for parties, etc) but that is pretty much it. I would gladly work an extra week or two for free if I could get out of work fairly easily in order to attend these events. Luckily, I have a boy and he doesn't seem to care much if I don't show up. My parents rarely came to my school during the day b/c they had jobs that weren't flexible. They held a lot of plays, recitals, concerts, meetings at night back then.

Are you a private or public school teacher? I know privates have an easier time with other teachers providing coverage for each other. I know it is much more of an ordeal getting a sub as a public school teacher. I've worked in both.

[Anonymous]

I also asked my very energetic and terrific secretary to help with certain things (making spreadsheets, etc., of who had volunteered to help with the different events).


Does your firm know this? Seems risky.

[Anonymous]

At our school the parent meetings and concerts are on weeknights. There are a fair number of family events held on weekend nights which we working parents appreciate because we can help out. Things like class plays and field trips are by necessity during the school day but we get the dates early in the year for planning purposes. My work is close to school so I take a long lunch one day each month to help in the lunchroom or at playground.

[Anonymous]

Evening and weekend events present a real hardship for teachers, particularly those who live some distance from the school, as is often the case with schools located in areas where housing is relatively expensive. Even early morning events can be difficult for teachers whose children don't attend the same school where the parents teach.

Similarly, early morning and evening events are tough on families with kids who don't all attend the same school, or where younger sibs are not yet old enough to attend school. In our case, our youngest child is 9 years younger than our oldest, and next year will be the first year that she starts school at the same time as one of her older brothers and is on the same campus. Previously I was a SAHM and am now a WAHM; as a result, for evening events we usually had to hire a sitter if we both wanted to attend the event. Morning events required that my DH delay his arrival at work so that he could either attend the event or stay home with our daughter until her drop-off time. If we had both worked outside the home, we might have had a FT nanny whom we could have asked to arrive early or stay late to cover when those events took place.

So, while daytime events are less convenient for some parents, they are more of a burden on teachers and on some other parents. The bottom line: do what you can and what's most important to your kids, and don't assume that the school culture is against you. Moreover, keep in mind that once your kids hit high school, they'll be horrified by the thought that you would even enter the school building in the presence of their friends. So. until you get to that point, and while they're still young enough to desire your presence at school and on field trips try to attend every event you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I also asked my very energetic and terrific secretary to help with certain things (making spreadsheets, etc., of who had volunteered to help with the different events).


Does your firm know this? Seems risky.

Yes. Volunteering for school responsibilities and community organizations is part of the pro bono tradition at my firm. Not risky at all. Many of us do it. Not everybody gives back by litigating for [fill in any number of the pro bono organizations/referral services in DC], although in fact I (and a number of my colleagues) do both. The firm's resources (including my secretary) are made available for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So, while daytime events are less convenient for some parents, they are more of a burden on teachers and on some other parents. The bottom line: do what you can and what's most important to your kids, and don't assume that the school culture is against you. Moreover, keep in mind that once your kids hit high school, they'll be horrified by the thought that you would even enter the school building in the presence of their friends. So. until you get to that point, and while they're still young enough to desire your presence at school and on field trips try to attend every event you can.

Actually I've found that high school has just as many day time events, largely sports. Unlike rec or travel sports which are on weekends, high school games are after school. And some of the sports have 2 games a week. We don't go to all, but we try to go to most. And one of our (high) schools does a parents visit day where you spend a whole day (weekday) in classes with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some jobs are jobs that people can leave for a few hrs and things won't fall apart. I'm a teacher and trying to get a sub and fill out sub plans, etc is more trouble than it is usually worth. Sadly, I miss a lot of these meetings, plays, etc. I volunteer to bring stuff in (snacks, treats, food for parties, etc) but that is pretty much it. I would gladly work an extra week or two for free if I could get out of work fairly easily in order to attend these events. Luckily, I have a boy and he doesn't seem to care much if I don't show up. My parents rarely came to my school during the day b/c they had jobs that weren't flexible. They held a lot of plays, recitals, concerts, meetings at night back then.

Are you a private or public school teacher? I know privates have an easier time with other teachers providing coverage for each other. I know it is much more of an ordeal getting a sub as a public school teacher. I've worked in both.

I'm a public school teacher in elementary school so it isn't even like I can find a colleague who has a free period or two to cover for me like in HS. Privates seems to have a lot more faculty and plenty of assistants to cover for teachers.

[Anonymous]

At our former K-6 school, if you volunteered during the day:
(1) you were much more likely to end up running the auction, heading the PTO, or becoming a trustee. This is because (a) you got to know other volunteers, and (b) you demonstrated your availability to do what is basically a full-time, if unpaid, job for a few months. (Although dads who only volunteered during the evenings seemed to get a pass on day-time volunteering when it came to choosing trustees.)
(2) you're much more likely to get schmoozing time with the head of school, who doesn't show up to evening meetings. Having that freedom to drop by the head's office for a chat after the PTA meeting - priceless.

If you're at a K-6 or K-8, when you apply for private middle or high, your family definitely gets bonus points for:
-- contributing to the former school to the extent that you ran the auction or headed the PTA. Writing blurbs for the auction during your evenings, not so much.
-- having the head of school go to bat for your family.

I don't know how this shakes out at others schools. But I do know what I saw at our own K-6: the kid of the PTA head got into a so-called "top 3", while kids with better grades and test scores who applied to so-called "top 3s" instead got into so-called "2nd tier" schools. (Before anybody asks, I do actually know the SSAT scores of the kids in question.)

That's just one school, but I'm curious if this is common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I also asked my very energetic and terrific secretary to help with certain things (making spreadsheets, etc., of who had volunteered to help with the different events).


Does your firm know this? Seems risky.

Yes. Volunteering for school responsibilities and community organizations is part of the pro bono tradition at my firm. Not risky at all. Many of us do it. Not everybody gives back by litigating for [fill in any number of the pro bono organizations/referral services in DC], although in fact I (and a number of my colleagues) do both. The firm's resources (including my secretary) are made available for this.

I sure wouldn't like making spreadsheets for YOUR kids school. Sounds like the secretary is getting the short end of that volunteer stick. I hope you give her great gifts and nice perks for her "service". Sheesh!!!

Would you help your secretary stuff envelopes for her kids' school fundraiser?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I agree with the posts that say that evening events are too hard for the teachers. In any case, the cost of that would be on us parents anyway. But I wonder if maybe schools overdo it with various special events for parents to attend in the first place. With respect to numerous at-school volunteer opportunities, at times I wonder why help is requested in the first place. At my little one's preschool help is needed because this is how they keep cost down (without raising tuition for 3 years). But the older children's school has abundant admin resources so sometimes it seems that a request for parent help is not necessary. Maybe moms who stay at home appreciate the chance to be at school and the schools simply accomodate that?