Force kids to play with family friends?

[Anonymous]

We have this situation too and my kids like to hangout with the other kids even if they are not super close. They are in different grades even though they are only months apart. (June and October birthday for example). For me would be a non-negotiable especially since we only see everyone once a month or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely if you mean at gatherings when the families come together. I’m assuming you mean that and not random play dates that you arrange for the kids?

Trying to do a family outing like movies or farm to hang out. It would be just my family and other family. My kids don’t want to go. They also don’t want to just hang out with the one other family.

So then the answer depends on how frequently you are doing this. Find a frequency that works for you and your kids - but a flat out permanent no from them isn’t acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for “sometimes.” If you do holidays and travel together, and you have a history, then these people are like family. As long as the kids are pleasant, then yes I would expect my kids to occasionally hang out. And maybe they will grow to appreciate the relationships more again in the future.

This. I would keep up holiday and travel with them, but pull back on other recreational meet ups without a purpose. Meaning, invite them family over for a bbq for one of you or spouse’s birthday or invite them all to attend one of your children’s big sporting/music event and grab dinner afterward. But no more random Saturday hangouts. Maybe do a couple dinners out with just the parents.

[Anonymous]

I would try to transition to adult-only meet ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a regular basis? No. Once in awhile? Yes.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for “sometimes.” If you do holidays and travel together, and you have a history, then these people are like family. As long as the kids are pleasant, then yes I would expect my kids to occasionally hang out. And maybe they will grow to appreciate the relationships more again in the future.

This. I would keep up holiday and travel with them, but pull back on other recreational meet ups without a purpose. Meaning, invite them family over for a bbq for one of you or spouse’s birthday or invite them all to attend one of your children’s big sporting/music event and grab dinner afterward. But no more random Saturday hangouts. Maybe do a couple dinners out with just the parents.

Yes, this. I had to play politely with kids I didn’t really like at Seders and such, but if my parents had been always trying to get us together, just the two families, I would have been a lot more resentful. You can be friends with the parents without the kids also being friends.

[Anonymous]

Unless the kids are mean and/or spiteful then yes I would make my kid play with them now and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely if you mean at gatherings when the families come together. I’m assuming you mean that and not random play dates that you arrange for the kids?

Trying to do a family outing like movies or farm to hang out. It would be just my family and other family. My kids don’t want to go. They also don’t want to just hang out with the one other family.

So then the answer depends on how frequently you are doing this. Find a frequency that works for you and your kids - but a flat out permanent no from them isn’t acceptable.

OP here. They seem ok if it is a party or group but don’t seem to want to give up a potential hang out with friends time slot to hang out with family friends. This weekend is a long weekend and friend wanted to get together. My kids would rather make plans with their own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely if you mean at gatherings when the families come together. I’m assuming you mean that and not random play dates that you arrange for the kids?

Trying to do a family outing like movies or farm to hang out. It would be just my family and other family. My kids don’t want to go. They also don’t want to just hang out with the one other family.

So then the answer depends on how frequently you are doing this. Find a frequency that works for you and your kids - but a flat out permanent no from them isn’t acceptable.

OP here. They seem ok if it is a party or group but don’t seem to want to give up a potential hang out with friends time slot to hang out with family friends. This weekend is a long weekend and friend wanted to get together. My kids would rather make plans with their own friends.

Well if it is a long weekend - they could probably fit in both?

[Anonymous]

Yes it's fine for holidays and travel and occasional special events. The cousin analogy is how I look at it. I'm not particularly interested in whether my kids would choose these kids as friends. They are family.

No, I never make them hang out outside of that. If they want to (which has happened), great. But never forced and I wouldn't make them miss time with their own friends. In fact, as kids have gotten older if there is a family friend party and my teen has his own plans, totally fine to not be at the family friend party (think annual holiday party or something like that...not the actual holiday).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless the kids are mean, abusive, or super snotty to them, yes.

Kids need to learn that sometimes you need to be nice to and socialize with people even if they aren't their favorite people.

+1 yes. Similar to cousins who you don’t just get to say no to, it’s a good skill to be ok with socializing and getting along with all sorts of people and not only your number one preferred group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a regular basis? No. Once in awhile? Yes.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think something more has to be going on other than "different interests." What does that even mean? You don't just ditch friends because you've developed some different interests/friends. Growing up I loved hanging out with family friends/,cousins and I was always the youngest.

[Anonymous]

Ask your kids why they don't like the Larloson and McLarla kids, but in a non-confrontational way. Maybe some of the other kids are non-neurotypical or annoying in a way that you haven't noticed because you're not the one playing with them. Or maybe your kids are non-neurotypical and certain things are just too annoying for them. Even if you're still going to arrange activities, it's worth finding out what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the other kids aren’t mean or super annoying, there is something wrong with your kids:

1) Overscheduled and no time to socialize with their own friends

2) Mean girls/boys who look down on those who are beneath them

3) Socially awkward and don’t know how to play cards, board games, video games, whatever with kids they don’t have everything in common with