What is the taboo in 2023 about an unmarried, couple in a committed relationship having kids

[Anonymous]

Marriage is more about financial and legal obligations at this point. I've told my kids that if they want children, get married. If not just co-habitate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go for it if you want. The reason this is extraordinary uncommon among women who are college-educated isn't that it's stigmatized, it's that you're likely to be stuck in the same position most women are - doing most of the domestic labor, harming your earning potential - but with more likelihood the guy will leave and fewer protections if he does. It's just not a great deal for the woman unless she's not going to need his economic support, which isn't most couples. In a different cultural and legal context, obviously this plays out differently.

Right. No one is judging this from a moral perspective. We just think you’re dumb for making bad choices and not looking out for yourself. It’s so sad when women buy the “it’s just a piece of paper! We don’t need it” line from men who clearly don’t value them all that much.

Oh, I'm guessing lots of people are concerned from a moral perspective. Many people in this country are conservative in that respect.

[Anonymous]

You significantly overweight how much other people think about you.

[Anonymous]

Why make children with someone who you cannot take the step with to marry? Cannot commit, but will bring children into the world?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go for it if you want. The reason this is extraordinary uncommon among women who are college-educated isn't that it's stigmatized, it's that you're likely to be stuck in the same position most women are - doing most of the domestic labor, harming your earning potential - but with more likelihood the guy will leave and fewer protections if he does. It's just not a great deal for the woman unless she's not going to need his economic support, which isn't most couples. In a different cultural and legal context, obviously this plays out differently.

Right. No one is judging this from a moral perspective. We just think you’re dumb for making bad choices and not looking out for yourself. It’s so sad when women buy the “it’s just a piece of paper! We don’t need it” line from men who clearly don’t value them all that much.

This. It works out differently in other countries. Or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suggested to my wife we not get married due to the tax penalty (we ended up paying $20k more per year!) and she was hearing none of that. She was like well then we're paying it. Luckily, god bless President Trump, he eliminated that penalty for pretty much everyone - probably the single biggest pro-family political action ever taken

I thought the tax code incentivized marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why make children with someone who you cannot take the step with to marry? Cannot commit, but will bring children into the world?!

This. First comes love then comes marriage..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for it if you want. The reason this is extraordinary uncommon among women who are college-educated isn't that it's stigmatized, it's that you're likely to be stuck in the same position most women are - doing most of the domestic labor, harming your earning potential - but with more likelihood the guy will leave and fewer protections if he does. It's just not a great deal for the woman unless she's not going to need his economic support, which isn't most couples. In a different cultural and legal context, obviously this plays out differently.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggested to my wife we not get married due to the tax penalty (we ended up paying $20k more per year!) and she was hearing none of that. She was like well then we're paying it. Luckily, god bless President Trump, he eliminated that penalty for pretty much everyone - probably the single biggest pro-family political action ever taken

I thought the tax code incentivized marriage?

NP. My dh and I made like 75k each when we got married, but we paid an extra 4k in taxes once we were married. I couldn't believe it when I saw the tax bill.

Frankly I think the tax code should do MORE to incentivize marriage. I have friends who are engaged, but not married so that their kids can receive services from school for free and other aid (I only know about the school services and free lunch, but she mentioned others)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggested to my wife we not get married due to the tax penalty (we ended up paying $20k more per year!) and she was hearing none of that. She was like well then we're paying it. Luckily, god bless President Trump, he eliminated that penalty for pretty much everyone - probably the single biggest pro-family political action ever taken

I thought the tax code incentivized marriage?

It does when one spouse doesn’t work or makes significantly less than the other spouse. Two similarly earning (middle class or above) spouses will end up paying a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Nobody cares, do whatever you want.

[Anonymous]

Some states recognize 'common law marriages' after a certain amount of years, which can potentially co-mingle benefits and funds if a split were to occur and involved division of assets.

I know a couple who have never married but have been together 25 years. Both were married prior to meeting, one had been divorced, the other widowed. They had their own carriers and each brought kids into the relationship. It's not something of shame or no one makes a big deal about it. Heck, most people probably don't know they aren't legally married. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care what strangers do, however, I would never want my daughter to have a kid with a man she’s not married to. Marriage is a huge commitment and grants many legal rights that mere cohabitation does not.

[Anonymous]

Statistically, couples who are married are significantly more likely to still be together 10 or 20 years down the line than couples who are unmarried but committed for life based on self reporting. Significantly.

Do there exist people who are truly as committed as a married couple who are unmarried? Yup. But there is nothing a man could say or do that would convince me he was committed for life if he was unwilling to get married. Nothing.

So, yeah, I think usually at least one member of those couples is naive. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t but I wouldn’t take that risk and put children in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Your relationship is more likely to end. And this is bad for the kids. This is the gist of it. I'm sure everyone will say "but we are so happy and I know married couples who are way more dysfunctional, blah blah"... but still, the truth is that it's crazy to commit to having a child with someone when you wouldn't even commit to a relationship with them. A child is FAR more serious.