Gift language on party invite?

[Anonymous]

I have been in this situation a few times as my kids are similar (two years apart, very close birthdays, many shared friends). In years where we said nothing, I found that people generally bought one gift that both could use (a game, walkie-talkies, etc). Very few brought two gifts unless they were family friends who knew both kids. We've also done no gift parties and my kids didn't really care (they get a ton of gifts from family). And I've done parties where we collect things for charity and make that the "gift" (my kids love dogs so we collected for an animal shelter).

It all worked out each time.

[Anonymous]

You say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s tacky to mention gifts on the invitation.

Perhaps in the past or throwing a small party with just a few closest friends, but not now or with a whole class/large guest list party. Consumerism is out of control now. Everyone had too much stuff already.

Getting 20+ gifts at a birthday party is obscene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in this situation a few times as my kids are similar (two years apart, very close birthdays, many shared friends). In years where we said nothing, I found that people generally bought one gift that both could use (a game, walkie-talkies, etc). Very few brought two gifts unless they were family friends who knew both kids. We've also done no gift parties and my kids didn't really care (they get a ton of gifts from family). And I've done parties where we collect things for charity and make that the "gift" (my kids love dogs so we collected for an animal shelter).

It all worked out each time.

Same situation here except we always said “no gifts” to take the pressure off people. Of course, people always bring them anyway but it takes the obligation off people and makes it easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Ok, OP back with follow up questions:

If you received an invite for one party and showed up to a joint birthday party, would you think that was weird or feel tricked somehow? It's at a playground, so not like anyone will think it's a private event, but still, it's double the size of the party and I feel like I would want to know that if I were a parent so I could prepare my kid for the size of the crowd.

In the past we've not said anything about gifts on the invitation, because it's tacky. But we've always done two separate parties, so this particular issue hasn't really come up. Sometimes people reach out to ask what my daughter wants or they just get something their kid thinks our daughter likes, or bring nothing since gifts weren't specified - all fine. As another poster pointed out, our kids (especially my oldest) would be disappointed if they didn't receive any gifts, so we don't want to say "no gifts." Hence our predicament about the gift language.

[Anonymous]

Saying no gifts is not tacky.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do any gift language. I think that's tacky as hell. We never say anything about gifts. If you bring one, great. If you don't, great. Some people are poor and can't afford a gift. Some people are disorganized and their parents screwed up and forgot. Whatever. Come celebrate that our kid was born and has been alive however many years. Eat some cake, get a goody bag, and go home. If you bring a gift, my kid will send you a thank you card. If you don't, they won't.

Saying ANYTHING about gifts is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s tacky to mention gifts on the invitation.

Perhaps in the past or throwing a small party with just a few closest friends, but not now or with a whole class/large guest list party. Consumerism is out of control now. Everyone had too much stuff already.

Getting 20+ gifts at a birthday party is obscene.

Yup. We say "No gifts necessary" on the invitation because we don't want to get 15 things to put somewhere in our small house. Also, our school has a wide range of incomes and cultural backgrounds, so it's better to spell out that their kid is welcome without bringing a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do any gift language. I think that's tacky as hell. We never say anything about gifts. If you bring one, great. If you don't, great. Some people are poor and can't afford a gift. Some people are disorganized and their parents screwed up and forgot. Whatever. Come celebrate that our kid was born and has been alive however many years. Eat some cake, get a goody bag, and go home. If you bring a gift, my kid will send you a thank you card. If you don't, they won't.

Saying ANYTHING about gifts is tacky.

If you don't say no gifts those kids won't be allowed to come because their parents assume you will be expecting a gift. Just FYI.

[Anonymous]

Don't mention gifts. In this situation, normal people will just bring a present for the child they know.

[Anonymous]

I would do two invitations. At the bottom you can put “We will be jointly celebrating Suzy’s birthday and the birthday of her little sister, Lucy”. Then put the opposite on the other invitation. People will know if it a joint party and can bring gifts for both if they want. Most people will probably just bring a gift for the sibling they are friends with.

[Anonymous]

Do one single invitation to all the guests, because yes, it would feel weird to find out at the party that a second child is also celebrated.

Write "no gifts please" since this sounds like a giant party and will look like a giant gift grab. Plus do you really want to sit with your young kids and have them write dozens of thank you notes. Plus where would you store so many presents? Lug them home?

I'm so thankful most parties in our circles, especially when the entire class is invited, are "no gifts please." It's freeing, not tacky.

[Anonymous]

I have never ever interpreted “no gifts please” as tacky. That’s hilarious.

Obviously, we all assume a kid’s birthday party requires a gift or we wouldn’t be talking about this at all. So no mention of “no gifts” is basically asking for gifts. Come on, people.