Have you ever been jealous of a siblings good fortune?

[Anonymous]

Not really. I'm jealous of my husband's brother and his wife because they live in Sweden which just seems like a really idyllic place to live and raise kids. I know their lives are not perfect, no one's life is but it just seems so nice to have a safety net...free daycare, free college, free healthcare (OK, I know the taxes are really high before anyone points that out and the cost of housing is ridiculously high as well so they are still apartment renters instead of home owners and may always be that way but still...), tons of PTO and a really nice work-life balance because health and happiness and family togetherness is actually valued there unlike here.

I know someone will say "if you don't like it in the US, leave!" but it's not that simple. I would if I could. Believe me. Not only can we not just pick up our jobs and move them to Sweden but our aging parents are here and we feel an obligation to stay here and help them as much as we can. But sometimes it sounds so nice to not have that burden either. I would only admit this on an anonymous site but as much as we love our parents it is extremely stressful and draining to be their main caretakers while our siblings go about their own lives elsewhere and don't understand how much time and effort we spend helping our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the other side of this. My brother lives at home with my mom, has never worked or had a relationship (though he was a golden child). He thinks everything comes easily to me -- I have nice looks, always had boyfriends, now have a loving husband, two kids, house, interesting jobs. His rage and jealousy towards me are TERRIFYING. Like I feel worried for my safety when I'm around him. We don't have a relationship.

This was my older sister. She was jealous and fixated on me to the point that I had to cut her off completely. I didn't feel truly safe until she passed away. Being on the receiving end of envy is no fun.

+1.

I don't worry for my physical safety with my older brother but his common-law wife has told me how jealous he is and how she just tells him to be happy for me. At first I was telling her she was wrong- it sounded crazy, but I have seen it more and more over time and it is so sad/scary that we loved each other so much as kids and now because his life has not done what he wanted- he hates me. He has done/said several things to really hurt me and I really don't know how to process it so I try not to think about it. And when I was saying this to my dad/sister (mother has passed), that I had realized he hated me and wanted to hurt me- they didn't even bother trying to argue/tell me I was wrong or disagree or tell me it was crazy. They just nodded... it only made me realize somehow they already knew. This is all from afar as my family all live back in my country of origin. My dad said "oh, I wouldn't even tell you some of the things he has said". That freaks me out- as I'm a person who likes to know everything there is on an issue... but I just got this feeling of 'don't ask'. There is no making sense of it. Gosh, and even typing that, I realize it's not even accurate- he actually has done things that make me worry for my safety... I had forgotten. I guess as I am so far away, the words are what are used nowadays. I will never have any of our children near him unchaperoned... and they don't know any of this- I tell them all the fun nice stories of us growing up... and I try only to think about those times.

Normal twinges of regret/jealousy/comparison/competition would be fine- but this is something else.