Do you share potential ADHD diagnosis when applying to preK?

[Anonymous]

Ok daycare is very different from pre-school. I have a child with hyperactive ADHD and private pre-school was by far the worst period. You want to put him somewhere he can be successful. Most preschools have a circle time and some level of work at a desk. My kid is a literal genius who was reading and doing math before preschool and they wanted to counsel DC out because they could not sit still during circle time. It was really really emotionally hard on them. Call it what you want but if your child can’t sit through 10 minutes of circle time, be upfront about that and ask questions. If I had known our preschool expected 4 year olds to sit for a 30 minute circle time I would have put DC somewhere else. My younger child goes to a non prestigious Montessori school but he’s HAPPY because he’s able to able to meet their expectations. Please don’t assume meds will fix this; I have never heard of a child starting medication before age 4 and even then getting to an optimal dose takes time. Don’t make him suffer in the meantime!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

Btw, I have ADHD just the inattentive type not the hyperactive impulsive type which my son likely has and I did great in school. Homework did take me longer than it did others and I did not retain as much info in class so had to study extra card but went to an Ivy League for college and master’s etc. With no medication etc. So that’s why I am not sure I should hold him back for something that may or may not happen.

You have to remember that your child is not you. You can have high expectations for your child and also have them need more and/or different support than you did. Hiding their issues until they become impossible to ignore is always a recipe for disaster. If a school can't accept and accommodate the kid you have, it is not the right school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP

Btw, I have ADHD just the inattentive type not the hyperactive impulsive type which my son likely has and I did great in school. Homework did take me longer than it did others and I did not retain as much info in class so had to study extra card but went to an Ivy League for college and master’s etc. With no medication etc. So that’s why I am not sure I should hold him back for something that may or may not happen.

You have to remember that your child is not you. You can have high expectations for your child and also have them need more and/or different support than you did. Hiding their issues until they become impossible to ignore is always a recipe for disaster. If a school can't accept and accommodate the kid you have, it is not the right school.

This. Those are VERY different types of ADHD. And you learned to manage yours but that doesn't mean he'll learn to manage his as quickly or as effectively. Because he's a different person with a different type of ADHD.

When you say "shouldn't I give him a chance", you have to remember that you might be giving him a school that can't meet his needs. A school where he'll miss out on the kinds of supports he actually does need and could get elsewhere. Where he'll always be in trouble and struggle to behave as well as they expect. And of course the experience of being counseled out, which is no fun for you or for him, and can be pretty painful for a kid if they're old enough to know what's happening. There are other private schools where he could get what he needs, where he could be welcomed and embraced for the child that he actually is, with all his strengths and challenges.

If you apply now without disclosing, and the behaviors are so clear that they'll be apparent at the playdate, that will be noted and taken into account if you apply again later. I would stick with a setting in which you feel like his needs will be met, and then if you're still wanting this private, apply later when he has matured and you have sorted out the medication question.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't share a diagnosis until you have one definitively. I would tell them he's very active and ask how children/boys fare in their school who are extremely active and can't sit still for long. Also, are they going to do any observations or visits before making admissions decisions? They might be able to tell you after one if the school would be a good fit for him or not. If he's not violent ( you haven't mentioned that he is), they may be able to accommodate him.

[Anonymous]

OP

yes he got into a couple of schools and did not get into others based on how well he did on the play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok daycare is very different from pre-school. I have a child with hyperactive ADHD and private pre-school was by far the worst period. You want to put him somewhere he can be successful. Most preschools have a circle time and some level of work at a desk. My kid is a literal genius who was reading and doing math before preschool and they wanted to counsel DC out because they could not sit still during circle time. It was really really emotionally hard on them. Call it what you want but if your child can’t sit through 10 minutes of circle time, be upfront about that and ask questions. If I had known our preschool expected 4 year olds to sit for a 30 minute circle time I would have put DC somewhere else. My younger child goes to a non prestigious Montessori school but he’s HAPPY because he’s able to able to meet their expectations. Please don’t assume meds will fix this; I have never heard of a child starting medication before age 4 and even then getting to an optimal dose takes time. Don’t make him suffer in the meantime!

OP so the thing is he usually can sit at 2.5 for 5-10 mins of circle time. He is very active otherwise and has mlre
Limited attention span in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP

Btw, I have ADHD just the inattentive type not the hyperactive impulsive type which my son likely has and I did great in school. Homework did take me longer than it did others and I did not retain as much info in class so had to study extra card but went to an Ivy League for college and master’s etc. With no medication etc. So that’s why I am not sure I should hold him back for something that may or may not happen.

You have to remember that your child is not you. You can have high expectations for your child and also have them need more and/or different support than you did. Hiding their issues until they become impossible to ignore is always a recipe for disaster. If a school can't accept and accommodate the kid you have, it is not the right school.

This. Those are VERY different types of ADHD. And you learned to manage yours but that doesn't mean he'll learn to manage his as quickly or as effectively. Because he's a different person with a different type of ADHD.

When you say "shouldn't I give him a chance", you have to remember that you might be giving him a school that can't meet his needs. A school where he'll miss out on the kinds of supports he actually does need and could get elsewhere. Where he'll always be in trouble and struggle to behave as well as they expect. And of course the experience of being counseled out, which is no fun for you or for him, and can be pretty painful for a kid if they're old enough to know what's happening. There are other private schools where he could get what he needs, where he could be welcomed and embraced for the child that he actually is, with all his strengths and challenges.

If you apply now without disclosing, and the behaviors are so clear that they'll be apparent at the playdate, that will be noted and taken into account if you apply again later. I would stick with a setting in which you feel like his needs will be met, and then if you're still wanting this private, apply later when he has matured and you have sorted out the medication question.

OP Good points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok daycare is very different from pre-school. I have a child with hyperactive ADHD and private pre-school was by far the worst period. You want to put him somewhere he can be successful. Most preschools have a circle time and some level of work at a desk. My kid is a literal genius who was reading and doing math before preschool and they wanted to counsel DC out because they could not sit still during circle time. It was really really emotionally hard on them. Call it what you want but if your child can’t sit through 10 minutes of circle time, be upfront about that and ask questions. If I had known our preschool expected 4 year olds to sit for a 30 minute circle time I would have put DC somewhere else. My younger child goes to a non prestigious Montessori school but he’s HAPPY because he’s able to able to meet their expectations. Please don’t assume meds will fix this; I have never heard of a child starting medication before age 4 and even then getting to an optimal dose takes time. Don’t make him suffer in the meantime!

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