Etiquette Question - Letting schools know you won't be attending

[Anonymous]

I sent emails to each of the schools where our kids did not enroll, thanking the admissions department and called at the schools where each were legacies. Several reached back out by phone to ask for feedback and all were gracious and understood the decision. It is simply common courtesy and you never know if you might reapply or if someone moves on from that school to a college admissions department or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

Who said anything about contractually accepting anything? Did anyone say the parents should not be involved in the process? Admissions offices know the final call will come down to the parents but those emails declining an offer look good to admissions departments when they come from prospective students. It shows a level or maturity on the students part and as said before if they for some reason decide to reapply or transfer to a school they declined those admissions department staff will remember that level of maturity. And take a second and look at the title of the forum "Letting schools know you won't be attending"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

Who said anything about contractually accepting anything? Did anyone say the parents should not be involved in the process? Admissions offices know the final call will come down to the parents but those emails declining an offer look good to admissions departments when they come from prospective students. It shows a level or maturity on the students part and as said before if they for some reason decide to reapply or transfer to a school they declined those admissions department staff will remember that level of maturity. And take a second and look at the title of the forum "Letting schools know you won't be attending"

Honestly, who cares? The admissions directors need to know they have a spot available and it doesn't matter if they hear from the student or the parent. The admissions director is not going to decide to not admit the child as reapplicant because the parent sent the decline email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

Who said anything about contractually accepting anything? Did anyone say the parents should not be involved in the process? Admissions offices know the final call will come down to the parents but those emails declining an offer look good to admissions departments when they come from prospective students. It shows a level or maturity on the students part and as said before if they for some reason decide to reapply or transfer to a school they declined those admissions department staff will remember that level of maturity. And take a second and look at the title of the forum "Letting schools know you won't be attending"

Honestly, who cares? The admissions directors need to know they have a spot available and it doesn't matter if they hear from the student or the parent. The admissions director is not going to decide to not admit the child as reapplicant because the parent sent the decline email.

But if something happens and you need to reach out, it is easier to re-establish connection when you had written a short letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

Who said anything about contractually accepting anything? Did anyone say the parents should not be involved in the process? Admissions offices know the final call will come down to the parents but those emails declining an offer look good to admissions departments when they come from prospective students. It shows a level or maturity on the students part and as said before if they for some reason decide to reapply or transfer to a school they declined those admissions department staff will remember that level of maturity. And take a second and look at the title of the forum "Letting schools know you won't be attending"

If I were an Admissions Offer and got a decision declining acceptance from a prospective student, I’d still want to hear officially from the parent. We expect decisions from parents, not students.

[Anonymous]

Write whatever you will, if you use the word etiquette it’s not like we expect much bon ton

[Anonymous]

We paid the deposit anyway as a charitable contribution

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

When I applied to boarding schools, I wrote the notes declining the offers I wasn’t accepting.

Of course, for DD’s kindergarten admissions, we wrote them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

Uh, disagree. Admissions decisions are made by parents. They are the only ones that can contractually accept an admissions offer for their minor child.

Who said anything about contractually accepting anything? Did anyone say the parents should not be involved in the process? Admissions offices know the final call will come down to the parents but those emails declining an offer look good to admissions departments when they come from prospective students. It shows a level or maturity on the students part and as said before if they for some reason decide to reapply or transfer to a school they declined those admissions department staff will remember that level of maturity. And take a second and look at the title of the forum "Letting schools know you won't be attending"

Honestly, who cares? The admissions directors need to know they have a spot available and it doesn't matter if they hear from the student or the parent. The admissions director is not going to decide to not admit the child as reapplicant because the parent sent the decline email.

But if something happens and you need to reach out, it is easier to re-establish connection when you had written a short letter.

Eh, not really. You’re putting way too much weight into the accept/decline communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lucky enough to have our son accepted into a number of schools with competitive admission. Going through the enrollment information that came with the admissions decisions and there is nothing about not enrolling. My thought is to reach out to the admissions directors to let them know we won't be coming so they can move forward with kids on the wait list. Am I thinking correctly?

You can send a polite note thanking them and add some very short flattery and then say you are not attending. (Admissions directors move around, talk w/each other etc.)

I would probably add that this email really should be coming from your son and not really you but by all means, assist and proofread before it gets sent out. Simply for a couple of reasons if for some reason your son doesn't care for the school he selected and would like to reapply for a school he turned down it will look better that he sent it rather than mommy or daddy and shows maturity and accountability. Not to mention it will just reinforce some independence and will also help him understand how things really should be done in life we just don't walk away we need to say thank you.

my two cents for what its worth

This is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

I looked back at our admissions offers from last year, and all the instructions on step to accept or decline are addressed to the parents, not student. The form to decline from one school makes clear it’s to be completed, signed and submitted by the parent.

It’s an offer to the parent to admit their child. The parent must either accept or regent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid the deposit anyway as a charitable contribution

If you “gave” it as a deposit, it wasn’t a charitable contribution even if you intended it to be such. Certainly not in the eyes of the IRS anyway.